AIBU to think a teenage son would not be spoiled by this?

My DC had a sitting room to share. It also had a sofa bed so sometimes they were turfed out in favour of guests!
It was great. They had somewhere to play and later game with their friends and I had peace in the sitting room. If you have the space it is very worth doing.
Your friend is being ridiculous.

It isn't going to spoil him and extra space for teens can be great but I agree with those suggesting that a space linked to other family spaces might be a better way of keeping connection.

We have a spare lounge that has been used by some kids (not others - their choice), and ours are now adults. We never had what you describe, that sounds really odd and if that were to occur I’d think there were much bigger parenting issues at play!

Sounds like a brilliant setup, I’m sure your son will love it! I think as long as he realises how lucky he is - and demonstrates this by keeping his spaces clean and tidy - there’s no problem…

Of course it’s not spoiling him, it’s giving him his own space in the house where he lives. Our daughter has lots of the upstairs of ours - huge dressing room, bathroom, bedroom, sitting room. Why not? There’s only so many spare rooms you could need ‘just in case’, and I hate seeing space go to waste when it could be used and enjoyed.

What kind of friends do your children have?! My kids are young adults now but at no stage have I ever worried that their friends would trash their room at any age.

OP I think your friend is jealous that her son doesn’t have this extra room despite them being a wealthier family. Go for it, and I hope your son loves it!

I’d hazard a guess that your friend is used to feeling superior to you and all of a sudden there’s the prospect that your child has something her children don’t and, well, we can’t have that.

One of my son’s friends has almost exclusive use of a large garden room where they hang out and have sleepovers. It’s great for the whole friendship group to be honest. Much better than our house where my son can fit maybe one friend into his bedroom (his fault for playing the drums though!)

Would your friend think it was equally ridiculous if your son was 5 years younger and you called it a playroom?

I think it's learnt attitude from the parents not things that make a child spoilt. I know some children who are very fortunate to be have lots of nice expensive things and go on wonderful holidays and they do not act spoilt at all. I know other children whose families are not as well off and who have less but act like absolute spoilt brats.

In terms of the room it sounds perfect. I can see why others are saying about wanting to keep the connection but again I think this is more to do with how they are raised and what expectations are set than they physical location of the rooms in the house.

Put your extra cash into a JISA so he has a fund for uni or a house deposit.

I think it's a great idea, go for it.

Why do you have to blow the money not save the money? Unless you have car, education and solid house deposit saved for him then it would be way more in his interests for you to do those than give him a large bedroom + sitting room.

Of course it’s fine!

I had a similar set up as a teenager - we had a three storey house and I had the top floor to myself - so a bedroom, a study/library/computer space plus a toilet and sink - I also had my own bathroom on the floor below.

I didn’t have any other siblings so there was no fighting over who got what - my parents had the master room with an en-suite and there was another double room as a spare.

Many many people want to have separate sitting rooms when their kids are teens.

we used a shed in the garden - put in carpets and made it nice.

honestly it makes the teenage years much much more bearable

When my DD was 17 we moved into a house with an attached annex which she moved into. She was responsible for keeping it clean and tidy. It didn’t make her spoiled it made her responsible for herself. She would eat her breakfast there so would need to ask for things to be put on the shopping list. It really helped her independence. Her friends all respected the place and there was never a trashing situation,

It is your choice. He's very lucky. Do what you want.

It'd be as much a benefit to you to have a place your ds can sit with his mates. Your "friend" is being odd. Probably jealous and doesn't want to have to do the same for her ds.

It's really common for people to make spaces for teen dc. It's no different from making a playroom for a toddler.

Mine have a separate sitting room in the attic. It's a multi use room that I can make into a spare room for guests or when we need to sleep in air conditioned coolness. It's got the dc books, a big TV, cool lights (very important) but it's decorated to my taste. In your case if you didn't need the room decorate it to your sons taste.

I don’t see the issue. We have two children so it’s not their individual space, but they have a playroom that we fully intend to turn into the teen sitting room when they get older. If we just had one child, it would just for them and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

Not true in my experience - DC teens regularly have their friends over (sometimes most of the football team) as they have their own hang out space, and it’s never been trashed or disrespected.

You spoil a child by not giving them consequences or boundaries, not by giving them somewhere to hang out.

This nails it.

Some people would say we spoil our DS18 with the luxuries, material things and life experiences he’s had…. but he has always had boundaries and consequences.

The result is a polite, confident young man who doesn’t behave like an entitled brat and appreciates the privilege he’s had.

You sound like a lovely mum - crack on and give him a sitting room (but be prepared to have no food in your house for the foreseeable and be surrounded by a gaggle of teenage boys when they all want to hang out at your place 🤣)

Call it a study!

Such a horrible phrase 'spoiling'. Give your kid what u want. Sounds great.

Sounds like a good plan to me.

Yeah it’s fine. Do what you want and stop thinking about what other people think. It’s pretty normal. Others have play room or a homework room or hobby room or snug or second sitting room.

I grew up in a tiny house with two bedrooms upstairs, a tiny downstairs room and one sitting room and one kitchen. I had the tiny room.

my only thinking is it would be better down stairs. But I’d also think of it as a study and hobby space rather than just a place to hang out with friends