AIBU to wonder if family should know about a hidden child?

Unless you are the mother of the child stay out of it

No. Generally.

I think he should tell a new partner - especially if they might have their own children as there's the potential to end up a stepmum to an extra child in the household down the line.

No one has a right to know about extended family. A hidden child is hidden for a reason.

If I was the mother then yes I would tell them .

if I was not then I would keep my nose out of other peoples business

Mum didn't put him on the birth certificate/want any involvement from the dad (and therefore his family).

A child has a right to know, but I'd try to stay out of it. My cousins found out they had a half sibling and spent a fortune trying to find him, after their father died. It changed their opinion of their parents. So if I was close and there was no abuse, I'd suggest to the Mother that the child has the right to know their family. But some families bring chaos and toxic behaviour.

I think they should know , yes .
As someone with half siblings that still don’t know about me I can tell you it’s soul destroying.
Who wants to feel like a dirty secret ?
These days with DNA testing nothing remains a secret anyway .
No child deserves to be ‘hidden’.

Are you the mother of this child? If not, why do you think the family should know, and do you know how this will impact all involved?

My advice would be to keep out of it altogether

I did an ancestory test on my son (DGM bought us all one for Christmas). His dad disappeared when he was 6 months old.

As far as I know only his mother and grandma know about ds (he wasn’t married before anyone comes for me!).

The ancestory result came back many with matches for cousins on his dad’s side (different nationality so easy to tell).

I wouldn’t contact any of them but they will know.

Yeah, in my case it was because my birth father was married and even when I showed up to meet him for the first time a quarter of a century later denied all responsibility, because still married (and I was born early 60s when being illegitimate was quite a big deal)

I would advise you however to keep out of it @Mynameisdennis even thought the people doing the hiding are, in my considered opinion, scum.

I had a hidden cousin turn up when I was 11/12 he was 12/13.
HC believed his father was an only child. Lie! And that his grandparents were dead! Lie.

It was a shock for HC to find a whole new family.
HC was so excited when he learned he had an older half sibling who lived in his mums country. HC was heart broke when his half brother refused to meet him, when he visited the UK.

My grandparents knew about HC but respected parents wishes to stay away. They were fuming when they found out that HC thought they were dead.

Depends entirely on who you are in the situation. If you are the mother and you want your child to have contact with the father's family then yes tell them.

If yoy are an outsider, I would keep out of it if I were you. I wouldn't want to risk putting a woman in a vulnerable position. There may be a very good reason she wants to stay hidden.

Yeah, in my case the reason was my "father" being a piece of shit...

Right, and why doesn't he want his family to know? Is he married?

Yes, there might be medical/financial reasons to know. And if a girl meets a boy who is her step sibling, it could be awful. And the child has a right to a relationship with their mum and dad, and to be able to ask them questions about health etc.

God no. If you have a shit bag of a father, why would you want to open that up to his extended family? To have their thoughts and opinions on the situation? Is the mother actually wanting or hoping for his family to get involved in the child's life? Would she even trust them with her child, assuming she doesn't know them, as if she did know them then surely they'd already be aware?

If it's just to stick the middle finger up and say " X is a father, he has a child that he's shut the door to" I get it. I get the anger and frustration of wanting to blast that to the world due to the injustice to the child but honestly, it won't end well.

No to his parents and siblings having to know.
But yes to his life-partner, especially if the alternative means he’s having to live a double life; sneaking out to play happy families with his secret child then back to his everyday life where more kids could be on the cards.

What are the hoping to achieve. Are they hoping for a relationship with his family for the child?

Personally, I’d stay out of it.

Well it would be up to the man, in this case

No one else who has a saviour i need to interfere or fix the world's problems that are none of my business issue

Are you the mother OP? If not I would keep out of it

I think this is a disgraceful thing to say. No child should be treated as a ‘hidden child’. It’ll leave them with feelings of guilt or worthlessness that they are not responsible for.

I had a relative in this position. He claims they used contraception but she still fell pregnant and he did not want her to go ahead as they had already broken up prior to him being told. She did despite his feelings and he felt it was emotional blackmail to keep him tethered to her. He paid maintenance above and beyond what cms calculated but did not want to be a parent. She told his parents and they welcomed the child into their family, had him to stay every weekend, included him in family events and were loving uncles and grandparents (still are). This pushed their own child away and their relationship has never recovered. He did go on to meet a partner and they have children to whom he is a doting parent but the grandparents do not play the same role in these grandchildren lives. His children do not speak to their half sibling so that child has been rejected by his 'father' but also his siblings. It also made it difficult for extended family as grandparents wanted him to be invited to family weddings and other large events whereas his 'father' didn't. It's all a bit messed up really.

If I were you I would keep out of it.