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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU in wanting to move daughter for second time in primary school

82 replies

crazystar · 18/09/2026 03:49

’m really torn and would appreciate some honest outside perspective.

My daughter is 6 and currently at a private school, and we pay a significant amount in school fees. On the face of it, she is happy at school. She seems unaware that she hasn’t been invited to a number of parties that are happening around her, and she has never come home upset about being excluded.

The problem is that I’m finding the school much harder than she is.

I’ve increasingly felt singled out and uncomfortable within the parent community. We have less money than many of the families, and we’re also from a different religious and cultural background, which sometimes makes me feel like I don’t quite fit in.

I find myself worrying about what this means for her socially and whether she will eventually become aware of it. I should add she’s some close great friends but isn’t in their class this year.

She is my rainbow baby after a lot of heartache, so I also recognise that I can be quite protective of her. I sometimes wonder whether I’m seeing things through an anxious lens and imagining how her childhood should look , particularly because I want so much for her to have a happy, carefree childhood.

At the same time, I’m thinking: why am I paying so much money for a school where I don’t feel comfortable and where I’m questioning whether we fit? I’ve some good friends at school, I mean I question this as they say I’m over invested and that she’s happy and stop worrying.

I actually want to move her to another school, but our house sale isn’t going through, which makes everything much more complicated and is this running away anyway ?

I suffer from anxiety and I’ve started a demanding job - no both don’t help! Also I had to move her once before due to her previous school closure.

So AIBU to want to leave, even though my daughter is currently happy and hasn’t asked to leave? I think informing myself insane with this.

OP posts:
Wherewithout · 20/09/2026 07:50

crazystar · 19/09/2026 22:04

Oh I won’t be keeping her until senior

Show quote history

What made you send her to private school if you’re not planning to keep ger there? Was her previous school private or state?

Based on your original post I’d say don’t move her if she’s happy - surely that’s the most important thing. But if you also can’t afford it then that’s a different question.

TinaBeliever · 20/09/2026 07:53

crazystar · 18/09/2026 03:49

’m really torn and would appreciate some honest outside perspective.

My daughter is 6 and currently at a private school, and we pay a significant amount in school fees. On the face of it, she is happy at school. She seems unaware that she hasn’t been invited to a number of parties that are happening around her, and she has never come home upset about being excluded.

The problem is that I’m finding the school much harder than she is.

I’ve increasingly felt singled out and uncomfortable within the parent community. We have less money than many of the families, and we’re also from a different religious and cultural background, which sometimes makes me feel like I don’t quite fit in.

I find myself worrying about what this means for her socially and whether she will eventually become aware of it. I should add she’s some close great friends but isn’t in their class this year.

She is my rainbow baby after a lot of heartache, so I also recognise that I can be quite protective of her. I sometimes wonder whether I’m seeing things through an anxious lens and imagining how her childhood should look , particularly because I want so much for her to have a happy, carefree childhood.

At the same time, I’m thinking: why am I paying so much money for a school where I don’t feel comfortable and where I’m questioning whether we fit? I’ve some good friends at school, I mean I question this as they say I’m over invested and that she’s happy and stop worrying.

I actually want to move her to another school, but our house sale isn’t going through, which makes everything much more complicated and is this running away anyway ?

I suffer from anxiety and I’ve started a demanding job - no both don’t help! Also I had to move her once before due to her previous school closure.

So AIBU to want to leave, even though my daughter is currently happy and hasn’t asked to leave? I think informing myself insane with this.

Copy and pasted from chatgpt, that's why the first "I" of the post is missing, it's commonly missed.

IamnotSethRogan · 20/09/2026 08:17

I think it seemed like in your original post that you wanted to move her because of your social dynamics.

If you're struggling to afford it then yes, move her.

pinkdelight · 20/09/2026 09:41

I think there nice for you but not everyone has these outside relationships

That's no reason to expect to have them at your DD's school. If anything, it would suggest a wider issue with making friends, so if it didn't happen with people you had more in common with (work, interests) it's even less likely with randoms whose kids happen to be the same age.

As for the money that you're now saying is the issue, it sounds like you just want to move her so are looking for reasons, so go ahead and do it, but don't expect the overthink to go away. You'll take your anxieties with you and won't be as chill as you think if there are issues in state as there inevitably will be. You'll be looking back to how happy she was in this school and wondering what if again. Plus she'll be more disrupted by another move. But do what you choose and hope for the best I guess. Just try to keep some perspective on things like your own school friendships and your DD's lack of party invites she's unaware of. None of these are significant factors in a good education or happy childhood.

HardyPinkPanda · 20/09/2026 10:09

I would say, don't underestimate the peace that comes with your child being happy at school, even if you're not in love with it. I have a child that I have had to move schools a few times due to bullying and school issues that were making her deeply sad. To the point of causing diagnosed poor mental health. As a mum, that is what will make you feel real worry and pain. Excruciating pain. You should count yourself very lucky that your daughter is happy and oblivious to any issue that you are perceiving. I wouldn't upset her world if she is happy.

You're obviously a good and caring mum trying to remove obstacles before they become problems, but imo better you work on being totally ok with not being invited to everything. It happens and often it's not that deep.
As for the mum network, same. Often these mums have history; they went to the same school themselves, or their partners are friends or they bonded at NCT or baby groups... sometimes you can't compete with that at the school gates, and that's ok!

Original poster
crazystar · 20/09/2026 12:48

HardyPinkPanda · 20/09/2026 10:09

I would say, don't underestimate the peace that comes with your child being happy at school, even if you're not in love with it. I have a child that I have had to move schools a few times due to bullying and school issues that were making her deeply sad. To the point of causing diagnosed poor mental health. As a mum, that is what will make you feel real worry and pain. Excruciating pain. You should count yourself very lucky that your daughter is happy and oblivious to any issue that you are perceiving. I wouldn't upset her world if she is happy.

You're obviously a good and caring mum trying to remove obstacles before they become problems, but imo better you work on being totally ok with not being invited to everything. It happens and often it's not that deep.
As for the mum network, same. Often these mums have history; they went to the same school themselves, or their partners are friends or they bonded at NCT or baby groups... sometimes you can't compete with that at the school gates, and that's ok!

Thanks for this - so helpful

OP posts:
Original poster
crazystar · 20/09/2026 12:52

TinaBeliever · 20/09/2026 07:53

Copy and pasted from chatgpt, that's why the first "I" of the post is missing, it's commonly missed.

Show quote history

Are you actually ok ? Yes to get my thoughts down and then onto a notepad - what did you actually gain from posting this other than your own sense of self satisfaction at being mean? If you don’t engage with AI generated content then that means not commenting for the sake of it.

OP posts:
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