AIBU in wanting to move daughter for second time in primary school

I would say, don't underestimate the peace that comes with your child being happy at school, even if you're not in love with it. I have a child that I have had to move schools a few times due to bullying and school issues that were making her deeply sad. To the point of causing diagnosed poor mental health. As a mum, that is what will make you feel real worry and pain. Excruciating pain. You should count yourself very lucky that your daughter is happy and oblivious to any issue that you are perceiving. I wouldn't upset her world if she is happy.

You're obviously a good and caring mum trying to remove obstacles before they become problems, but imo better you work on being totally ok with not being invited to everything. It happens and often it's not that deep.
As for the mum network, same. Often these mums have history; they went to the same school themselves, or their partners are friends or they bonded at NCT or baby groups... sometimes you can't compete with that at the school gates, and that's ok!

I think there nice for you but not everyone has these outside relationships

That's no reason to expect to have them at your DD's school. If anything, it would suggest a wider issue with making friends, so if it didn't happen with people you had more in common with (work, interests) it's even less likely with randoms whose kids happen to be the same age.

As for the money that you're now saying is the issue, it sounds like you just want to move her so are looking for reasons, so go ahead and do it, but don't expect the overthink to go away. You'll take your anxieties with you and won't be as chill as you think if there are issues in state as there inevitably will be. You'll be looking back to how happy she was in this school and wondering what if again. Plus she'll be more disrupted by another move. But do what you choose and hope for the best I guess. Just try to keep some perspective on things like your own school friendships and your DD's lack of party invites she's unaware of. None of these are significant factors in a good education or happy childhood.

I think it seemed like in your original post that you wanted to move her because of your social dynamics.

If you're struggling to afford it then yes, move her.

Copy and pasted from chatgpt, that's why the first "I" of the post is missing, it's commonly missed.

What made you send her to private school if you’re not planning to keep ger there? Was her previous school private or state?

Based on your original post I’d say don’t move her if she’s happy - surely that’s the most important thing. But if you also can’t afford it then that’s a different question.

Then why is she in private school now?
I'd put her in state sooner rather than later if uou can hardly afford it and you dont like the school...

The only question you have to ask yourself is “is my daughter happy at this school?”

you seem to be worrying too much about how you feel and if you are being accepted, if people like you and if you fit in. When you become a parent these things aren’t important.

all that matters is that your child is happy.

Would you move her to a state school now rather than another private school if you don’t plan on sending her to a private senior school?

Because that's when they leave school?..

Leave your daughter alone and get yourself some therapy before your issues ruin her life.

Invite some of her classmates round for tea after school I always found that helped.

have you calculated the cost of her education until a levels? can you comfortably afford this? with spare for pension, savings, annual holidays and social life?
if you are going to be scrimping for the next 13 years then you probably also have to accept that you and your child won’t fit in with the school cohort.

have you visited the state schools near you?
why -specifically- were these not suitable.

I think you are conflicting several things...you were super happy at HIGH school, you have a imposter syndrome sending her to private school and she's not gone to any parties... which in any venn would never overlap in any way.

I understand you want the perfect childhood for her. I get that. But childhood shouldn't be perfect because where does the child learn to kick in and work hard to achieve something. When does she learn resilient. When does she learn that life isn't actually fair.

It's no good reality kicking in when she's 22 and leaving university. Learning now at primary is the time.

We moved from state to private to private at year ((6,4,2) then again at (5,3). Kids all fine. They weren't happy at the second school, moved from first because of bullying, and actually took the youngest out of school before the end of year six.

I'd always avoid moving schools if at all possible, especially if the child is happy. If you were deciding to homeschool, that's different, but just moving to another type of school doesn't necessarily help as issues like teaching/feeling like you fit in might well be the same.

If she's happy then leave her.

Do what's best for daughter. Best forget kids party invites 🤷‍♀️and how you feel though.