AIBU in wanting to move daughter for second time in primary school

That’s right and you know, if it feels like work…people can sense that. I realised looking back I’d been over intense and poor at choosing - you need to find the people you like that are trying to build a bigger network. I realised when I moved into a new area some people aren’t looking, they’re closed shops with a network sufficient for them and no desire to expand it. That matters too.

Why are you comparing high school with your 6yo's school experience? If you can't recall your own school experience at that age well enough to compare it, then you have your answer. She's doing fine. She's not aware of these phantom parties now and she never will be. But she will remember if you keep moving her because that's the kind of repeat disruption that causes deep insecurity, when nothing feels stable. Your non-existent bank balance was the choice you made. The time to do the maths was before choosing this school. Nothing's changed except your mood, and that's not something to navigate your DD's education by.

Looking at it from a child’s perspective, all they need is one friend who fully accepts them as their friend. If your child has found such a friend I’d say focus on growing that friendship and the rest will evolve. As she grows up and gets to y3 and the endless extra curricular activities take over your lives - she will branch out and click with new people.
Not being invited to parties is a horrible feeling but joining a school late can sometimes cause this issue. When my DC joined in reception I made a huge effort for her and myself to get stuck in. After that year I felt ‘settled’ and never really made a similar effort with the new kids & parents who joined the school later. I never stayed away, but I got busy with work, older kids etc. and it never quite felt the same as Reception.
I know it pinches harder when it’s private school and you feel like that gives you the ticket to being included. Sadly that’s not always the case.
If your daughter is happy then leave it. If not, look for a logical stage to change schools like Y3 into a school which has new intake (either few seats or all) and makes an effort to integrate new people.

YABU I think .She is happy there and doing well.I think we can go mad thinking of the "perfect " childhood when there is no such thing! She may be moved and not be happy .I would leave well alone and there are problems you have imagined I think ,

I have truly never thought about whether I liked a school as being decided by whether I fit in with other parents. I have my own friends. I don’t need more friends and I don’t need to be friends with the parents of my children’s friends. I am not rude to people but I have never sought out friendships with other parents. My eldest is in secondary and youngest is late primary age. They have lots of lovely friends. I have had no hand in facilitating that at all. I do coordinate with other parents for play dates and sharing lifts, but that is the extent of it. I have my own busy life outside of school. You need to ride this out and let her settle. She needs stability to grow in confidence socially.

I kinda get where you are coming from but I’d not move her if she is happy. I put my son in a really good state primary but often feel looked down upon by the professional parents (I’m a single mum with a customer service job) I imagine it’s even more marked in a private school. He’s 9 now so I thankfully don’t have to go to many all class parties and he’s found his own little tribe there. And I think all schools come with their own set of issues. It seems his particular class has a larger number of snobby parents too and I’ve made friends with parents from other year groups who we met at swimming. We also spend lots of time with friends and family outside school so it’s not the “be all and end all” - he goes to Cubs which is very inclusive and I’ve become a helper and made friends there too and we also made friends at church. So I’d say it’s about finding your people. I’ve taught him “those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” think that’s a good philosophy for life. It does get easier as they get older and once at high school you won’t have to see any parents if you don’t want!

Do what's best for daughter. Best forget kids party invites 🤷‍♀️and how you feel though.

If she's happy then leave her.

I'd always avoid moving schools if at all possible, especially if the child is happy. If you were deciding to homeschool, that's different, but just moving to another type of school doesn't necessarily help as issues like teaching/feeling like you fit in might well be the same.

We moved from state to private to private at year ((6,4,2) then again at (5,3). Kids all fine. They weren't happy at the second school, moved from first because of bullying, and actually took the youngest out of school before the end of year six.

I think you are conflicting several things...you were super happy at HIGH school, you have a imposter syndrome sending her to private school and she's not gone to any parties... which in any venn would never overlap in any way.

I understand you want the perfect childhood for her. I get that. But childhood shouldn't be perfect because where does the child learn to kick in and work hard to achieve something. When does she learn resilient. When does she learn that life isn't actually fair.

It's no good reality kicking in when she's 22 and leaving university. Learning now at primary is the time.

have you calculated the cost of her education until a levels? can you comfortably afford this? with spare for pension, savings, annual holidays and social life?
if you are going to be scrimping for the next 13 years then you probably also have to accept that you and your child won’t fit in with the school cohort.

have you visited the state schools near you?
why -specifically- were these not suitable.

Invite some of her classmates round for tea after school I always found that helped.

Leave your daughter alone and get yourself some therapy before your issues ruin her life.

Because that's when they leave school?..

Would you move her to a state school now rather than another private school if you don’t plan on sending her to a private senior school?

The only question you have to ask yourself is “is my daughter happy at this school?”

you seem to be worrying too much about how you feel and if you are being accepted, if people like you and if you fit in. When you become a parent these things aren’t important.

all that matters is that your child is happy.

Then why is she in private school now?
I'd put her in state sooner rather than later if uou can hardly afford it and you dont like the school...