AIBU in wanting to move daughter for second time in primary school

This is all about you being unhappy not her,

Exactly. It’s the OP’s social anxiety. Moving her again will only compound the issue.

Have you identified a different school that you think would suit your family better?
so is this a case of feeling like you will fit better at a different setting or just exiting the current one because of discomfort?

You are really over thinking things. She is only 6, she is a newbie. If you want the best for your daughter stop shuffling her around when you feel uneasy and work on your anxiety

So many people i know have these issues at private school

stick her in the local state school

pwople are more welcoming, more open minded and the classes are bigger so she’s more likely to find friends she gels with

You want to move your happy and settled child to a different school because YOU don’t feel you fit in with the school mums? Stop being so ridiculous, you’re not the one at school ffs!

This is a massive over-generalisation.

My child has been at both state and private and there are pluses and minuses for both, obviously. But saying people are "more welcoming and open minded" at state schools is just two dimensional stereotyping.

There are lovely, friendly and welcoming state schools (my daughter's primary was one) and horrible, intimidating ones filled with aggressive kids who pick on anyone who seems different. Similarly there are private schools which are warm and friendly and ones filled with stuck up arseholes.

It's much more complex than that and you need to choose the school according to what it provides rather than how it's funded.

The thing is many children have friends from outside as well as from inside school, and it sounds as though your daughter does have friends in school.

So does your daughter also have friends from within your own social group, your religious group, your cultural group, your wider family? Does she take part in any social activities outside school, dance, gymnastics, brownies? If you answered yes to any of these then she is fine. She doesn’t have to be Miss Congeniality to be a happy, socially well functioning little girl.

I think you are letting your own social anxieties block your perception a bit. It really doesn’t matter if there are some parents at the school who aren’t your bff, who you don’t WhatsApp, or have as your Facebook friends. School is school, it’s not your life. What does matter is that your daughter is happy there and that she is learning. Looking over an imaginary fence at another imaginary school and thinking the imaginary grass on their imaginary playing field is greener is honestly a waste of your energy. Focus on the friends you have made, the friends she has made and enjoy watching your happy, healthy and loved six year old grow and develop.

I’ve some good friends at school, I mean I question this as they say I’m over invested and that she’s happy and stop worrying.

I found this sentence concerning.

It sounds like you are processing a lot of your worries around this with other parents.

If this is the case, stop.

Its too much for people who are not longstanding friends but are parents of your daughters classmates.

This is all about you and not her. Leave her be.

Your post is all about you which I hope is just your anxiety talking. Too many people on here fret about the parental social side of primary school when all that really matters is that your child is happy and settled.

Don’t move your child to her third school in 2 years because you don’t feel you have made any friends! Is she year 2? She can’t have been there more than 12 months!
If she is unhappy, you can’t afford it, she’s not progressing then you move her. She doesn’t need to be invited to all the parties. Just any that her actual friends have! Keep
fostering her relationships, with the children she chooses. The others don’t matter.

You need to model some resilience for your daughter. Unfortunately she is likely to inherit a tough world, as all our kids are. You don't want to teach her that running away solves problems.

(My advice would be different if she was really miserable and unhappy but that doesn't appear to be the case).

So you’re debating moving her because of ‘your’ issues with the parents potentially not liking you not hers with the children. Please stop, her education is not linked to whether they do or don’t like you.

Your daughter is happy. Leave her be. You don't go to the school so it doesn't really matter whether you fit in or not.

It’s not really about you, though.

I am guessing your own school days weren’t particularly happy. Please be careful not to project your own experience or anxiety onto her.
Also, moving usually just transfers the issue.

Gently, you are overthinking this too much

i worked FT since my two were in primary, your social standing with parents honestly doesn’t affect their friendships. I felt very out of the loop with all the SAHMs, but my two were social butterflies and always had friendship groups to switch between

How YOU feel doesn’t matter one iota. She is the one at school all day. You have your day job to keep you busy.

Have you ever held a party for the whole class?

you're perhaps trying too hard, I’ve been there, volunteering to do the social organising, more than one whole class party. You need to relax about it, scale back the volunteering and let it evolve gradually. Also, perhaps you need to broaden your search for community outside of school settings, as well as accepting that friendships are like any other relationship, sometimes people we like the look of don’t like us, etc.

the happiest families I know have a pool of community - friends and family, school friends, church friends, friends from other hobbies, neighbour friends. It’s a matrix. You’re looking for school to do too much heavy lifting.