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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel annoyed by parents prying about my daughter’s school?

55 replies

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:22

My daughter left her prep school in year 6 to go to a state school as she was bullied by some girls in the year group and school did nothing. My son is still there and on school events when I start chatting to parents and they naturally ask how many kids I have conversation goes to why did you take your daughter out. Most people sense to stop prying so much but I’m a little pissed off at the most recent one - earlier this week we had a curriculum meeting for my youngest where 2 year groups met up and this really nosey couple who I have never spoken to kept asking me which school my daughter goes to now and why I took my daughter out. I just gave a vague answer but she kept pushing. I’m a very polite person and don’t like confrontations but I keep going over the conversation and I’m really annoyed I didn’t just make an excuse and walk away. It was obvious I didn’t want to get into it but she kept asking. She had this really weird way about her - I gave a short answer and she looked at me in a way to say “continue” if that makes sense? I can’t explain it but it was like “and why…” This bloody stranger wanted to know which school my child is going to, why I made that choice etc. I kept changing the subject and she kept bringing it back.

I don’t want to discuss it so what is a good sentence I could use with people? I’m still hurting over how badly she was bullied and I wish I could just take my son out so I don’t have to see these people. I’m going to wait till he’s year 6 so I can take him out too.

OP posts:
DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:25

Some parents at private schools dont like to disclose that their child is being bullied - perhaps she’s picked up that your daughter left due to bullying and her own child is likewise being picked on and she wants to discuss with you maybe?

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:27

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:25

Some parents at private schools dont like to disclose that their child is being bullied - perhaps she’s picked up that your daughter left due to bullying and her own child is likewise being picked on and she wants to discuss with you maybe?

No I didn’t get that feeling. I think she was after some gossip about the school.

OP posts:
Palomiino · 17/09/2026 23:27

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:25

Some parents at private schools dont like to disclose that their child is being bullied - perhaps she’s picked up that your daughter left due to bullying and her own child is likewise being picked on and she wants to discuss with you maybe?

Why don’t they?

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:29

It was just weird. She also wanted to know what job I do and what my husband does! It was so strange but she’s not the only one they all seem to want t to pry. I couldn’t care less how many kids anyone else has and what schools the other kids go to

OP posts:
DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:31

I think because it can be a competitive environment where you put your child to get the ‘best’ education you can afford

and it can be difficult to admit publicly that your child is being picked on

remember lots of families using private schools are wealthy and lots like to keep up appearances etc….

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:32

Sorry I feel I’m going off topic! So tomorrow for example is my day off and I know someone or the other will get into conversation with me as I look really friendly and smiley I seem to attract small talk!

When they ask how many kids I have what shall I say and how can I not even bring my daughter into the conversation?

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 17/09/2026 23:33

I also wondered if she was concerned about a bullying culture…. But if you say she was after gossip I’d take the approach of “Isn’t it so lovely to see the end of the heat wave….”
(or something equally as mindless) then turn my back and walk!!!

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:34

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:29

It was just weird. She also wanted to know what job I do and what my husband does! It was so strange but she’s not the only one they all seem to want t to pry. I couldn’t care less how many kids anyone else has and what schools the other kids go to

Had similar experiences when my child moved from state to prep all wanted to know which school went to before prep! Am glad not in that environment anymore. Also had Mums approach me to pry when we left but more discreetly than your noisy mum!

Viviennemary · 17/09/2026 23:34

It sounds like she is concerned that something negative at the school caused you to take your DD out. I think this is understandable. But it was rude of her to push for answers when you made it clear you didn't want to discuss it.

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:36

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:34

Had similar experiences when my child moved from state to prep all wanted to know which school went to before prep! Am glad not in that environment anymore. Also had Mums approach me to pry when we left but more discreetly than your noisy mum!

It’s a really toxic attitude isn’t it! I hate it. Like why do you care so much about my life.

How did you handle it? I think im quite naive as I open up too much but I feel strongly about not talking about my daughter to randoms

OP posts:
Specialagentblond · 17/09/2026 23:39

Just tell her you don’t feel the need to explain., it’s no big deal. Turn it round on her. ‘Why? Are you thinking of moving schools?’ Money troubles????’ A bit loudly in earshot of a few others.

Morecoffeeneedef · 17/09/2026 23:39

'I really don't want to discuss it, tell me about yourself, do you have a big family?'

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:41

@Specialagentblond @Morecoffeeneedef

thank you! I’ll practice saying this before tomorrow!

OP posts:
AdidasBadidas · 17/09/2026 23:41

You are being made into gossip fodder! Stay away and just say my daughter goes to another school - no need to dwell on the history / when / why etc. Also, practise to allow ‘silence’. When people ask questions you do not wish to answer allow the silence to hang in between you until they are uncomfortable enough to move on.

I moved my DC from private to state and not a single parent asked me ‘why’. Just wished her well. I wouldn’t have entertained any Q anyway.

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:43

@AdidasBadidas thank you. That’s a good point.

Thank you so much everyone. I feel better about walking in there tomorrow.

OP posts:
Smokeywater · 17/09/2026 23:43

Surely they want to know why you removed your DD from the school -maybe she was molested/ badly bullied / frightened by some event - as it might happen to their child

I would want to know

and why can’t you just say she was t happy there, found it too demanding , didn’t like the teachers
just avoid having to chat to random parents!?

RosesAndHellebores · 17/09/2026 23:44

@StopAsking I don't see the issue. I'd either have answered honestly and would have said "we moved her away from bullyung which the school did not deal with, she's at St State now and far happier". Or I'd have said, I'd prefer not to discuss it.

When mums asked what DH and I did, I just told them. It's a fact, what's the issue?

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:44

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:36

It’s a really toxic attitude isn’t it! I hate it. Like why do you care so much about my life.

How did you handle it? I think im quite naive as I open up too much but I feel strongly about not talking about my daughter to randoms

Edited

I handled it very badly - am horribly shy amd lack polish of any sort!

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:46

RosesAndHellebores · 17/09/2026 23:44

@StopAsking I don't see the issue. I'd either have answered honestly and would have said "we moved her away from bullyung which the school did not deal with, she's at St State now and far happier". Or I'd have said, I'd prefer not to discuss it.

When mums asked what DH and I did, I just told them. It's a fact, what's the issue?

Edited

The problem with telling them about the bullying is that everyone knows everyone there. Most people grew up in the area and literally have all family members there so if I mentioned bullying it would be talked about as it’s a small prep and I don’t want to discuss my child’s business with these people to them to go to the current year 7’s and say so and so mentioned bullying.

OP posts:
DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:47

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:43

@AdidasBadidas thank you. That’s a good point.

Thank you so much everyone. I feel better about walking in there tomorrow.

not sure what type of event it is but if it’s static / seated can you arrive late and leave early?

if you are mingling then I suppose you could have a prepared statement ready like you just felt it would be a better fit for her - and turn convo back to her anyway enough of me how’s your kid getting on at x or y

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:49

I quite like we just felt it would be a better fit for her couldn’t move my other one he loves it here - big smile! Turn conversation back to her!

30DegreesHighAndRising · 17/09/2026 23:50

"why do you ask?"
"it suits us"
"thanks for your concern but we're happy with our decision"

DryadsRest · 17/09/2026 23:54

I’m wondering if it’s a sports match of some sort - do some parents take their work phones or laptops ? Can you try and limit how long you are there for somehow or make beeline for the nicest parents there first?

Oldblower · 17/09/2026 23:56

Yeah, “why do you ask?” is a good one.

bunnypenny · 17/09/2026 23:59

StopAsking · 17/09/2026 23:46

The problem with telling them about the bullying is that everyone knows everyone there. Most people grew up in the area and literally have all family members there so if I mentioned bullying it would be talked about as it’s a small prep and I don’t want to discuss my child’s business with these people to them to go to the current year 7’s and say so and so mentioned bullying.

Edited

So you say “my child wasn’t happy there and we decided to move her”

the end.

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