AIBU to feel annoyed by parents prying about my daughter’s school?

Agree with PPs saying keep answers vague, light and fluffy. Also ask a question as soon as you can and let the other person start chatting, most folks love talking about themselves!
I love it when people ask what I do, I have a fairly abstract sounding job title so no one asks any follow up questions 😂

Yes, I wonder if she’s privately questionning if she should move her child/made the right decision with the private school and is trying to use your experience to shape her view on it.

”let’s change the subject, how are you finding…”

Whilst she’s likely exploring it without meaning to be rude, there’s no reason why you should feel made to disclose personal information and YANBU to explicitly say you don’t want to talk about it.

That seems like a good way to stop all the parents from trying to make conversation with you ever again, because it’s incredibly weird. Even if you don’t want to be friends with the other parents cutting them off entirely is not fair to the younger son as it will affect him being invited to things.

I’d just say that it wasn’t the right fit.

I wouldn’t necessarily see it as prying, it is a natural topic of conversation, and there’s sensible reasons they might like to know beyond nosiness (eg considering a move themselves, unhappy with the school, having financial issues and wondering about alternatives etc).

Obviously people should back off if you’re signalling that you don’t want to answer, but it can be hard to read that signal.

So I’d practice some generic meaningless things you can say:
Well, you have to pick the right school for each child.
Oh yes, she’s very happy, suits her well.
Yes my daughter moved in year 6, the transition went well.

And if they’re asking for more detail you can pretty much repeat what you said, so;
You: “Well, you have to pick the right school for each child”
Them: “But why wasn’t this school right for your daughter?”
You: “X school suits her better, you have to choose for each individual child”
Them: “But didn’t she like it here?”
You: “She was happy with the move, X school is the right choice for her”.

So you’re not actually giving more information, but also not being seen as rude!

I’d say one and just deny your state school attending daughter exists.

Aren’t these normal conversational topics?! I get asked what I do and what my husband does regularly. There’s no ulterior motive.

If I was paying for the privilege of sending my child to a school that I hear doesn’t address terrible bullying I’d be interested to hear more about it because I’d be so worried my child could be next. You so wish you could remove your son from the terrible school with the bullying that you pay for. Guess what? You can!

Just say that you moved her because the school didn't suit her. If they press for more info, just say that you'd rather not discuss it.

Being “polite” and being a doormat are not synonymous.

You can be polite while maintaining good boundaries.

If they ask about why your daughter left you just say “we’re very happy with her new school, I’m sure you’ll understand that I don’t want to discuss the details” <bright, polite, smile> and then change subject.

Of they ask how many children you have say “two” and then immediately ask about their children.

@StopAsking It's private unless you feel that someone is in the same situation and might ask for help.

I would blatantly lie and say that she had friends she wanted to be with in the other school and that you respect her wishes. End of. If they ask more just repeat "It was her decision to be with her friends." This is sort of true because she probably has good friends now.

They think you hit financial difficulties. They’re prying because they’re wondering if you can afford the fees for the younger one or if the school are “helping”? Just an idea.

that or they simply want gossip on how badly the school dealt with bullying.

Yes this , you don’t have to specify the new school.

"New school is a better fit for her "
If she asks again , just pause and say " why are you asking again"
Cheeky cow

It’s likely she is considering taking her child out and looking for info from you on your choices to help her make hers.

I'd just adopt a wafty sort of air- if anyone asks why your daughter moved you can just say "horses for courses" or "it suits her better" or something similarly vague, then change the subject. But honestly I suspect it's not as sinister as most posters make out. Generally people don't care that much- it's chit chat and they move off and forget.

Avoid answering a question by asking them a question, why does that matter to you? How are you affected by my choices? Why do you keep asking me when I am clearly not willing to provide you with an answer? Why do you think you know me well enough that I would discuss that with you?

Then you can switch to statements, it isn't something I am willing to discuss, the usual response is why, then you go back to why are you asking when I am clearly not willing to discuss this with you? Repeat, it isn't something I am willing to discuss. Then either go silent or walk away. You don't owe anybody an explanation.

I would say something like "I know you're just making conversation, but I'm a very private person and don't discuss my children or my personal life", then either quickly steer to a neutral subject or just smile and let the silence hang.

Hi, I moved my DD in Y10 due to badly/not addressed bullying. Naturally, parents who had children in the school or who are looking at secondary schools want to know why.

To preserve my dd's privacy, my stock answer is that she moved schools and it's working out well. That's it. No-one has ever been as rude to me as that woman was to you (although my dd's schools both state schools, so overall parents probably a bit less entitled), but if they were I would end the conversation - lovely talking to you, but must go now type thing.

If this is something you have to deal with regularly, I would practice to perfection saying 'I don't want to talk about schools'. Friendly smile, eye contact, but clearly saying that topic isn't one you want you get into. Rinse and repeat as necessary.

Like you, I'm still very distressed by what happened to my DD, and don't want to be reminded of it.

Disclaimer - not all private school parents are entitled, aware I'm generalising, let's not derail the thread.

I would probably opt for a less aggressive thing than "why do you ask" but that's just me. I would probably go down the road of "it worked for us" when they ask why. Then I'd go for the silence and just say it again if they are asking or expecting more. Maybe just wave your hand sort of dismissing it "oh it just worked for us". And then switch topics quite firmly to something else.

But how did she know in the first place that you have a DD at a different school? If she was a stranger, you must have brought this up in conversation?

TBH if I needed to remove my child from a school where they were being bullied - and 1 i was paying for at that - I’d tell people why I moved them.

But you don’t want to so I’d just say “because it was what she wanted and was best for her”.

I think that doesn’t open an invitation as you why because you’ve already covered the why but without details of the why you don’t want to give.

😂😂😂

You could always say something like it wasn’t a good fit for her & she is so much happier where she is now, whereas my son loves it here.

"Why did your daughter leave?"
"She was expelled for making vodka in the science lab."
"What does your husband do?"
"He's in prison."
"What did he do before that?"
"Ten years. This time it's life"