MIL says I “hijacked” her son because I helped my parents

How do your extended family have such high medical expenses if you live in Seville?

Unintentionally clicked YABU but you absolutely aren’t. You get to take care of your family guilt free. The nerve to dump on you like that!

But that's insane. Why have you agreed to this. His mother is a CF. And your DH is a drip if he gives in to this blackmail.
I thought Spain had a comprehensive health care system, btw.

This.

I was assuming USA initially, even when the OP said Spanish I thought maybe Latin America - but this whole thing makes no sense as she's actually mentioned Seville!

Honestly if that's what he wants to do i would probably say fine but a) this is instead of the kind of support you gave your parents ie in a time of genuine need, not as well as - so if she ends up ill in hospital, she's on her own, she chose this instead and b) I never want to see her again. What a horrible family. You are best out of it.

They’re being ridiculous and your DH needs to tell them to piss off instead of bowing down to their demands

Fact is your dad was seriously ill and needed you and I bet it it had been the other way around you would have done the same for his parents. Thats the message he needs to give them.

What they’re asking for, that’s not how life works, you help families if they need it, you don’t then sub someone else because they think it should be tit for tat.

It does look that way and although I agree that consequently they don't deserve to have OP's support and love and in the scheme of things it would probably be very little actual 'loss' to her...🙄 but
However, it is really sad to think that OP's MIL and SIL consider it was worth throwing a hypothetical hand grenade into the family dynamic over such a preposterously exaggerated and overblown issue that simply highlights their own entitlement and complete lack of empathy/sympathy for her and her Dad! 😥

They’re toxic. Avoid. They’re his family, let him start speaking up. You did good looking after dad but why you need to mention money I don’t know. Very common !

So sorry but your mil is crackers.

Time to distance yourself and protect yourself from them. What a weird bunch. Imagine thinking you are entitled to someone else's money 💰 and tell you so. And be angry at you being generous. And feel so miffed you had let it spoil family relationships. Ghastly..move on. Let him deal with his parents and stay well away.

I wonder how your children will feel in the future, when they learn that one set of their grandparents had to be paid to ensure having a good relationship with them?

Just playing devils advocate here.

Did your husband cancel / step back from his family while looking after your parents?

He doesn’t need to share the money, he could say - if you are ever if that awful position we of course will help.

I agree with this.
Her reaction is so odd, I wonder how this information was presented to her. Did your husband tell her how much? The fact that you contributed? And was there any chance he was complaining about how much this was costing him?
You may have a DH problem.

So you were supposed to let your dad die so your SIL could have a new handbag - have I get that right?
I would be grateful they aren't speaking to you - long may it continue!

What an entitled cowbag - first post nails it. Leave them to stew and be very wary of how you move forward from now on. You are not a bank. Your are not responsible for their health and happiness. You are not your husband’s keeper.

congratulations on the baby!

@leonorrr

As others have said, you responded to need, and you’d have done the same for them, or would have before they showed their petty, money grabbing, jealous, resentful, spiteful side!

I’d really not want to now, but then they will feel justified in their views! What a horrible position to be put in.

Maybe just let the dust settle, have some distance, process and reflect, and just focus on your family and soon to be arriving baby. Then you can decide what to do?

Granted, it may be a bit too late if hubby has told them his intentions 🤦‍♀️

Gross to expect someone else’s money! I think you have a DH problem.

What a bitch. DH should tell her that you both have no idea why feels this way - and neither of you understand the anger at all, surely she should be comforted that if she was ill with hospital bills she couldnt afford you could look after her also?

As for the suggestion of giving money to the sister that’s beyond crazy. And he should tell her that her insane behaviour will only drive you both away.

Congratulations on your baby news! How exciting you get to grow your loving family and teach them your sweet ways in caring for others xxx

She's done a real number on him.

Insanity

It wouldn't prove any such thing

She's not in financial difficulty due to serious illness.
It's not a short term prop up of a loved one needing support while they get better.
It's a selfish, entitled, manipulative family member who feels entitled to her married son's money which will affect you and your family long term.

You need to speak up

So basically your OH is being extorted by his mother with the threat being that he might get cut off! 😳

She seems not to be capable of understanding it works in her favour if you guys look after the older generation . f she wanted money she would think of that so i do not think that greed is the issue. She may be not thinking well at all.
Very limited thought capacity about outcomes demonstrated there. which suggests high emotion clouding the mind.

If she is working from an emotional place of fearing the in laws matter more logic cannot work. A huge bunch of flowers and chocolate or fruit basket or such maybe from a posh place with a we love you and want you to know it card may help. and something from your hubby.

My friends MIL sent a you stole my son letter to them when they were starting a family and it almost caused a rift. Instead of the content of the letter which was unhinged and very cruel to her and the son.. she responded to the emotion of anger and sadness at losss and hurt of being abandoned with flowers and cards we love you cards and a sweet letter. And she reminds her husband to ring his mum quite cleverly so he enjoys it. And her and her MIL are very close still 30 years later. She remembers sending the flowers and chocs but not why, i remember why as it was such a huge upset.

Perhaps she needs to know when she needs it she will get the same. And that her son loves her. ?

Firstly - congratulations on your pregnancy OP. I really hope this family situation isn’t impacting your health or your excitement about your pregnancy, your MIL and SIL should have at least congratulated you regardless.

secondly - your MIL and SIL have no right to your time or money. Their entitlement and behaviour is disgraceful. You sound really caring and generous - and like you said what were you supposed to do re: your dad? Just leave him with inadequate health care or support because in the future MIL might want it too?!