Granddaughter’s rage over graduation plans.

There must be some miscommunication here - did she 100% as you to book accommodation?
Did she get all those tickets (although usually there’s an ‘overflow’ room where relatives can watch remotely as two tickets are standard (we got 3).
And yes, she needs to reply to you to sort this out.

Graduation can be quite stressful/pressured as well as congratulatory, esp if there’s some family conflict or there has been in the past. We had to go to three places for DS - gown collection/ceremony/faculty reception. We were exhausted by the end of the day. But still no excuse for your DD to ignore your emails.

Why assume she wants to be a barrister? There are plenty of different things you can do with a law degree, including non-legal careers.

I think there is more to this, and would love to hear the story from the GDs side.
There is a huge back story - desertion by Dad, being made homeless, Granny and Grandad separated, no real connection between GDs family and Dad's family for a while.
When did 'step' granny come in the scene?
OP you sound as though you are trying to force a family relationship. Your DIL probably feels duty bound to try and facilitate that relationship for her DCs, but maybe the DCs aren't as keen. It still sounds as though GD has been rather railroaded into what is to happen in what should be her day. I think you maybe need to step back a bit.

Are you a novelist because I can't see any other excuse for all of this extrapolated nonsense?

Op says about being a barrister on one of the updates, if you click you can see all Op’s posts. Mentioning looking for a pupillage.

So would I. Great that she got her degree, but she sounds a stroppy little madam to be honest. 🙄

And what about the grandad who isn't a "step" grandad as you put it

Quite! The OP is acting on behalf of her elderly and frail OH who is the GD's blood grandad and will need to be looked after by OP if GD wants him there.

From the GDs point of view, from the OPs previous comments, his ex wife treated her very badly, he didn't see his own son (GDs father) for many years as a child, and there has been a tenuous relationship with the GD. And now, I accept he is old, frail and unwell, but all the running seems to be from the OP, who admits needs an object for her love.

Where did she say she needs an object for her love. The father treated her badly. How do you know the relationship is tenuous.

The family dynamics in the past are completely irrelevant to the fact that the granddaughter asked them to book and pay for accommodation and is now blanking them. If you don't want people at your graduation don't ask them in the first place.

Lots of people have complicated family relationships. It doesn't justify this.

OPs posts -
15/9 @11.05
14/[email protected]

It isn't clear that they were clearly invited to the graduation by the GD.

OP only says that "OH & I both understood we were being asked to book the accommodation for the 5 of us & travel together". That isn't a clear instruction from the GD.

So why were they being asked to travel and book accommodation for five people including themselves?

That's not what she said. She said that that the GD tended to have tenuous relationships with people. The love object comment was made with a reference to having 5 miscarriages. Its quite simple. If the GD did not want them there there was no need to have conversations about accommodation and train travel.

The OP made it clear in the first post that both she and her husband were invited to the graduation

I was told by my late husband's ex (when I took her to a hospital appointment) that she was going on an 18th birthday trip with her daughter and granddaughter. I thought that it was a muli-generational girls' weekend and said something like "Oh, that's lovely."

The ex had recently been widowed for the second time, so I thought "Oh, that's good that they're looking out for her."

When the pictures went up on social media, it became clear that the only family member not invited was my frail husband: DH's son and DIL were there, as was his daughter's best friend. When he later asked his daughter why he'd not been invited it was "Oh. I didn't think you'd want to go."

When I later told the son that his dad hadn't been invited (after DH had snapped when something was said about the birthday weekend) his son looked genuinely shocked: "I didn't know Dad wasn't invited."

I'm convinced that the daughter didn't want to have to make accommodations for my husband's disabilities. (He had mobility problems meaning that I had to help him dress and to cut up his food for him.)

I'm wondering whether the the OP's GD has now decided that she doesn't want to have to allow for the needs of an elderly family member?

The OP made it clear in the first post that both she and her husband were invited to the graduation

That I though was clear but the booking accomodation - we both understood we were being asked to do this - then DGC being upset they had - how was this conveyed I did ask earlier - becuase I'd have said we agreed or we were asked to book not we understood that ...

Older two kids - 21 working p/t and saving for masters and 19 at uni do sometime get huffy with my assuming I was paying for everyday stuff - I still do for youngest at home - we still get same with our parents though often that them assuming we expect when we do not or insiting on doing so when it's not necessary especailly if it comes with social obligations but we are never rude - but clear communication is key.

Something had gone wrong communication wise - as OP describes situation the DGC was still specularly rude about it all which would be upsetting for anyone to get back after paying money out - but no-one really knows what the hell is going on and no-one can really explain to OP but DIL and DGC.

Possibly but if she had picked up the phone and been honest the Op could have cancelled the accommodation and got a refund.

That's true.

Given this is out of character, do you think she has got a new, and possible unsuitable, boyfriend that she wants to take to her graduation but doesn't feel ready to introduce to you all, and now you've said you've booked accommodation and have said you are going, she is overwhelmed by the idea of having to separately juggle family and the boyfriend on the day so you don't bump into each other , even with enough tickets ?

She'll probably only get two tickets. Not apparently out of character

Our students call people like this Gradzillas. Maybe there’s a reason for her reacting this way, maybe not. I had a student who felt embarrassed by her parents so didn’t invite them to the ceremony as she didn’t want her friends (many of whom were from very privileged backgrounds) to see them. I’m not saying that’s the same for you OP but, in my experience, young people can be very shallow and don’t always appreciate the value of family.