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Original poster

He was very touchy-feely on date BUT I didn't object and kissed him back.

130 replies

NickyC1975 · 13/09/2026 23:50

I was on a 1st date with a very attractive, confident, cheeky man (we're both 50s) and he was very touchy with his moves eg. stroking my knees/legs, holding my hands, kissing my shoulder and lips and even my chest a couple times. I never kissed on a 1st date before but I let him do all this with very little complaint but part of me was just being polite as I did feel uncomfortable about it afterwards and so ended it next day. He sent a voice-clip apologizing and sounded very sincere, took full responsibility and understood and offered to sit on his hands if we meet again. He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin. I did enjoy kissing/hand holding etc but still I felt it was a lot.

I NEVER stopped him and in fact I touched him BACK and NEVER even flinched so it would be very easy for him to assume I was OK with it. But I did feel uncomfortable as I'm a slow-burn. He was a very nice guy though and said he respected my boundaries and would not go too far and was really looking forward to seeing me again and I was planning to see him again until I had a change of heart next day.

Am I being unreasonable for ending it and not just communicating better? He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

OP posts:
Original poster
NickyC1975 · 17/09/2026 22:40

nomas · 17/09/2026 10:19

I later joked about the knee-rubbing and said, "Shall I get you a leg of lamb to rub cos you like legs so much?" I laughed about it so I guess that didn't help me either. I know you'll think I'm weird for all this.

I'm so confused by this thread but the cringiness of the lamb of leg joke makes it almost worthwhile.

You can feel uncomfortable and disrespected even if you don't tell someone to stop, they are your feelings, no one can tell you how to feel.

How come you didn't block him after his tirade?

I didn't block him cos I knew he was a nice guy really, I told him that in my voice-note afterwards... but he was just too touchy, he was a touchy-feely person. I never thought he was a sleazy creep or a threat or had bad intentions, he wasn't THAT bad like people have made here otherwise I obviously would have left or stopped him....I was just uncomfortable but not scared. And he did apologize and take accountability and never swore or shouted at me post-date, why would I block him? I was surprised at how remorseful he was actually (apart from his long text) even his last text was peaceful saying he was glad I was OK and I would try to toughen-up.

When we sat he was admiring my dress and he asked if he could touch it, I said yes - that was the start of the touching. He never groped me or put his hand up my dress, just his hand on my knee rubbing it over and over - that was the main thing I was uneasy about, never mind the odd kisses and pecks here and there.

We chatted a lot and he took time to try to get to know me; he asked about my friends/family/daughter/ex and seemed interested when I showed him pics. He told me about his family too, his ex, his dad's death and their relationship so I know he was a nice guy and tried to get to know me... but he was like an octopus or whatever.

I know men are expected to make a move in dating and we're expected to say 'no' if we don't like it but the leg rubbing was too much and I didn't say stop cos I was cut-off inside and stayed polite. He didn't laugh at the leg of lamb joke.

Say what you want about people over 50 not acting like this (I'm nearer 60 in fact) he said the same thing about me but I have my ways, he has his. I cannot stand men laying hands on me before they've got to know me - my date was a stranger I'd known only 5 mins. I'm too polite, I dunno why.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/09/2026 23:57

Your user name suggests you were born in 1975, that would make you 51 or thereabouts depending on which month you were born.

You write as if you are a 12 year old girl not a 50 odd or 60 odd fully grown adult.

and the more you write about him, the grubbier he gets.

I am older than you and I have never experienced nor tolerated some middle aged man ' his hand on my knee rubbing it over and over '

as I wrote before - YUK.

If that is the type of man you are happy and willing to spend 3 hours with, and not say a dickie bird then that is up to you...

Datgal · 18/09/2026 00:36

This is all weird and cringe as hell.
If this really happened, I think the guy has had a lucky escape tbh. You pretty much bollocked him for acting in a way you did as well?! Bet he's confused as anything.
You can end things for whatever reason obviously.... but it is a strange way to act if you ask me.

JHound · 18/09/2026 01:15

It’s never unreasonable to choose not to continue dating somebody.

Original poster
NickyC1975 · 18/09/2026 03:29

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/09/2026 23:57

Your user name suggests you were born in 1975, that would make you 51 or thereabouts depending on which month you were born.

You write as if you are a 12 year old girl not a 50 odd or 60 odd fully grown adult.

and the more you write about him, the grubbier he gets.

I am older than you and I have never experienced nor tolerated some middle aged man ' his hand on my knee rubbing it over and over '

as I wrote before - YUK.

If that is the type of man you are happy and willing to spend 3 hours with, and not say a dickie bird then that is up to you...

It's my old employee ID from my old call centre job from about 25 years ago that was plastered all over my ID badge that I wore around my neck for years and it just stuck with me ever since. As for the way I write, I work in childcare so the kids sometimes have an effect on me and I sometimes use phrases they say. Some of the kids are autistic.

If its any consolation, the guy himself was shocked and even he doubted it was the real reason I ended it and asked if a friend had put me up to it. He also asked if I too was "autistic or something".

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