He was very touchy-feely on date BUT I didn't object and kissed him back.

NickyC1975 · 2026-09-13T22:50:32+00:00

I was on a 1st date with a very attractive, confident, cheeky man (we're both 50s) and he was very touchy with his moves eg. stroking my knees/legs, holding my hands, kissing my shoulder and lips and even my chest a couple times. I never kissed on a 1st date before but I let him do all this with very little complaint but part of me was just being polite as I ^did^ feel uncomfortable about it afterwards and so ended it next day. He sent a voice-clip apologizing and sounded very sincere, took full responsibility and understood and offered to sit on his hands if we meet again. He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin. I did enjoy kissing/hand holding etc but still I felt it was a lot. I NEVER stopped him and in fact I touched him BACK and NEVER even flinched so it would be very easy for him to assume I was OK with it. But I did feel uncomfortable as I'm a slow-burn. He was a very nice guy though and said he respected my boundaries and would not go too far and was really looking forward to seeing me again and I was planning to see him again until I had a change of heart next day. Am I being unreasonable for ending it and not just communicating better? He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

Original poster

NickyC1975 · 18/09/2026 03:29

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/09/2026 23:57

Your user name suggests you were born in 1975, that would make you 51 or thereabouts depending on which month you were born.

You write as if you are a 12 year old girl not a 50 odd or 60 odd fully grown adult.

and the more you write about him, the grubbier he gets.

I am older than you and I have never experienced nor tolerated some middle aged man ' his hand on my knee rubbing it over and over '

as I wrote before - YUK.

If that is the type of man you are happy and willing to spend 3 hours with, and not say a dickie bird then that is up to you...

It's my old employee ID from my old call centre job from about 25 years ago that was plastered all over my ID badge that I wore around my neck for years and it just stuck with me ever since. As for the way I write, I work in childcare so the kids sometimes have an effect on me and I sometimes use phrases they say. Some of the kids are autistic.

If its any consolation, the guy himself was shocked and even he doubted it was the real reason I ended it and asked if a friend had put me up to it. He also asked if I too was "autistic or something".

OP posts:

JHound · 18/09/2026 01:15

It’s never unreasonable to choose not to continue dating somebody.

Datgal · 18/09/2026 00:36

This is all weird and cringe as hell.
If this really happened, I think the guy has had a lucky escape tbh. You pretty much bollocked him for acting in a way you did as well?! Bet he's confused as anything.
You can end things for whatever reason obviously.... but it is a strange way to act if you ask me.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/09/2026 23:57

Your user name suggests you were born in 1975, that would make you 51 or thereabouts depending on which month you were born.

You write as if you are a 12 year old girl not a 50 odd or 60 odd fully grown adult.

and the more you write about him, the grubbier he gets.

I am older than you and I have never experienced nor tolerated some middle aged man ' his hand on my knee rubbing it over and over '

as I wrote before - YUK.

If that is the type of man you are happy and willing to spend 3 hours with, and not say a dickie bird then that is up to you...

Original poster

NickyC1975 · 17/09/2026 22:40

nomas · 17/09/2026 10:19

I later joked about the knee-rubbing and said, "Shall I get you a leg of lamb to rub cos you like legs so much?" I laughed about it so I guess that didn't help me either. I know you'll think I'm weird for all this.

I'm so confused by this thread but the cringiness of the lamb of leg joke makes it almost worthwhile.

You can feel uncomfortable and disrespected even if you don't tell someone to stop, they are your feelings, no one can tell you how to feel.

How come you didn't block him after his tirade?

I didn't block him cos I knew he was a nice guy really, I told him that in my voice-note afterwards... but he was just too touchy, he was a touchy-feely person. I never thought he was a sleazy creep or a threat or had bad intentions, he wasn't THAT bad like people have made here otherwise I obviously would have left or stopped him....I was just uncomfortable but not scared. And he did apologize and take accountability and never swore or shouted at me post-date, why would I block him? I was surprised at how remorseful he was actually (apart from his long text) even his last text was peaceful saying he was glad I was OK and I would try to toughen-up.

When we sat he was admiring my dress and he asked if he could touch it, I said yes - that was the start of the touching. He never groped me or put his hand up my dress, just his hand on my knee rubbing it over and over - that was the main thing I was uneasy about, never mind the odd kisses and pecks here and there.

We chatted a lot and he took time to try to get to know me; he asked about my friends/family/daughter/ex and seemed interested when I showed him pics. He told me about his family too, his ex, his dad's death and their relationship so I know he was a nice guy and tried to get to know me... but he was like an octopus or whatever.

I know men are expected to make a move in dating and we're expected to say 'no' if we don't like it but the leg rubbing was too much and I didn't say stop cos I was cut-off inside and stayed polite. He didn't laugh at the leg of lamb joke.

Say what you want about people over 50 not acting like this (I'm nearer 60 in fact) he said the same thing about me but I have my ways, he has his. I cannot stand men laying hands on me before they've got to know me - my date was a stranger I'd known only 5 mins. I'm too polite, I dunno why.

OP posts:

nomas · 17/09/2026 10:19

I later joked about the knee-rubbing and said, "Shall I get you a leg of lamb to rub cos you like legs so much?" I laughed about it so I guess that didn't help me either. I know you'll think I'm weird for all this.

I'm so confused by this thread but the cringiness of the lamb of leg joke makes it almost worthwhile.

You can feel uncomfortable and disrespected even if you don't tell someone to stop, they are your feelings, no one can tell you how to feel.

How come you didn't block him after his tirade?

YourGoldLurker · 17/09/2026 09:31

nam3c4ang3 · 17/09/2026 09:26

Come on - this must be a joke thread - no one is over 50 and behaving like the OP and Mr Too Handsy.

Why ?

nam3c4ang3 · 17/09/2026 09:26

Come on - this must be a joke thread - no one is over 50 and behaving like the OP and Mr Too Handsy.

YourGoldLurker · 17/09/2026 08:59

NickyC1975 · 17/09/2026 02:28

How is he at fault? He was all over me like a spider and I felt pressured to accept his touching. I said I was having "fun" to be polite. Below is everything after the date.

I ended it via a short text next day saying he made me uncomfortable. Then he sent a voice-note apologizing and he owned up to being out of line.

Couple days ago, I sent a voice-note back accepting the apology but also told him off for his actions in more detail and he needs to keep hands to himself, that even in relationships you should sit opposite eachother.

He then sent a long text, said he was shocked/upset and started slating me saying, "The whole date was a lie, why did you stay for 2nd drink and 3hrs, why did you say you were having fun, why didn't you say no/stop, why text me thanks for the date, why kiss/touch me back and hold my hand, are you a masochist, are you Orthodox Jew, surly you shutdown kiss attempts before- why not mine, being polite wouldn't wash in court so why would it here, why is the onus on me to decipher your mixed signals just so you can avoid directness" and other similar fancy sentences, big words and his actor lines. I felt he was gas-lighting and blaming me and speaking in riddles when it was him all over me. He said he accepted he was accountable and will learn from it but he added I should do the same cos we're both at fault. He said he knows I won't listen cos I'm angry and my anger won't allow me to take accountability my end. He said I need to learn to speak-up and although I do know I need to toughen-up, he was the one all over me.

I agreed with him in the end about speaking-up and said I'd take it onboard but still told him I thought he was disrespectful. He replied saying he's glad I'll take it onboard and that you can still be polite and say no and that if I did say say stop, he wouldn't have thought I was mean so I shouldn't assume. He said we all want people who are just straight with us. That's the last of it today.

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It is completely absurd that you think people in relationships need to sit opposite one another on nights out

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/09/2026 07:47

I can't believe quite a lot of it, esp as the Op is 51 years old ish.

wandawaves · 17/09/2026 03:31

NickyC1975 · 17/09/2026 02:28

How is he at fault? He was all over me like a spider and I felt pressured to accept his touching. I said I was having "fun" to be polite. Below is everything after the date.

I ended it via a short text next day saying he made me uncomfortable. Then he sent a voice-note apologizing and he owned up to being out of line.

Couple days ago, I sent a voice-note back accepting the apology but also told him off for his actions in more detail and he needs to keep hands to himself, that even in relationships you should sit opposite eachother.

He then sent a long text, said he was shocked/upset and started slating me saying, "The whole date was a lie, why did you stay for 2nd drink and 3hrs, why did you say you were having fun, why didn't you say no/stop, why text me thanks for the date, why kiss/touch me back and hold my hand, are you a masochist, are you Orthodox Jew, surly you shutdown kiss attempts before- why not mine, being polite wouldn't wash in court so why would it here, why is the onus on me to decipher your mixed signals just so you can avoid directness" and other similar fancy sentences, big words and his actor lines. I felt he was gas-lighting and blaming me and speaking in riddles when it was him all over me. He said he accepted he was accountable and will learn from it but he added I should do the same cos we're both at fault. He said he knows I won't listen cos I'm angry and my anger won't allow me to take accountability my end. He said I need to learn to speak-up and although I do know I need to toughen-up, he was the one all over me.

I agreed with him in the end about speaking-up and said I'd take it onboard but still told him I thought he was disrespectful. He replied saying he's glad I'll take it onboard and that you can still be polite and say no and that if I did say say stop, he wouldn't have thought I was mean so I shouldn't assume. He said we all want people who are just straight with us. That's the last of it today.

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Well, the whole date was a lie.

I can't believe you texted him that he should have read your signals better. Also can't believe you told him that people in relationships should sit opposite each other. He probably feels like he dodged a bullet now.

Original poster

NickyC1975 · 17/09/2026 02:28

YourGoldLurker · 16/09/2026 23:49

You'll let someone do things to you and say nothing because you are "too polite". You were screaming inside. Give me strength. The minute someone does something that you are uncomfortable with. Say no. Walk off. He asked you if you were having fun and you weren't and you said yes.

How is he at fault when you told him you were having fun. Please do not date until you can actually find the courage to tell someone to stop it when they make you feel uncomfortable

How is he at fault? He was all over me like a spider and I felt pressured to accept his touching. I said I was having "fun" to be polite. Below is everything after the date.

I ended it via a short text next day saying he made me uncomfortable. Then he sent a voice-note apologizing and he owned up to being out of line.

Couple days ago, I sent a voice-note back accepting the apology but also told him off for his actions in more detail and he needs to keep hands to himself, that even in relationships you should sit opposite eachother.

He then sent a long text, said he was shocked/upset and started slating me saying, "The whole date was a lie, why did you stay for 2nd drink and 3hrs, why did you say you were having fun, why didn't you say no/stop, why text me thanks for the date, why kiss/touch me back and hold my hand, are you a masochist, are you Orthodox Jew, surly you shutdown kiss attempts before- why not mine, being polite wouldn't wash in court so why would it here, why is the onus on me to decipher your mixed signals just so you can avoid directness" and other similar fancy sentences, big words and his actor lines. I felt he was gas-lighting and blaming me and speaking in riddles when it was him all over me. He said he accepted he was accountable and will learn from it but he added I should do the same cos we're both at fault. He said he knows I won't listen cos I'm angry and my anger won't allow me to take accountability my end. He said I need to learn to speak-up and although I do know I need to toughen-up, he was the one all over me.

I agreed with him in the end about speaking-up and said I'd take it onboard but still told him I thought he was disrespectful. He replied saying he's glad I'll take it onboard and that you can still be polite and say no and that if I did say say stop, he wouldn't have thought I was mean so I shouldn't assume. He said we all want people who are just straight with us. That's the last of it today.

OP posts:

YourGoldLurker · 17/09/2026 00:09

You sound like a pair of 15 year olds. Not 50 something. That's the issue.

YourGoldLurker · 17/09/2026 00:08

leavesinthebreeze · 17/09/2026 00:05

Out of interest why did your date send you a voice note apologising the next day if he thought you were as in to into it as he was? Was it an actual apology or a ‘oops but you were irresistible’ type message?

Because she probably sent him one first ending it

leavesinthebreeze · 17/09/2026 00:05

Out of interest why did your date send you a voice note apologising the next day if he thought you were as in to into it as he was? Was it an actual apology or a ‘oops but you were irresistible’ type message?

YourGoldLurker · 16/09/2026 23:49

You'll let someone do things to you and say nothing because you are "too polite". You were screaming inside. Give me strength. The minute someone does something that you are uncomfortable with. Say no. Walk off. He asked you if you were having fun and you weren't and you said yes.

How is he at fault when you told him you were having fun. Please do not date until you can actually find the courage to tell someone to stop it when they make you feel uncomfortable

leavesinthebreeze · 16/09/2026 23:48

Op he was kissing your chest in a public bar. I’m not sure you should be dating right now. Work on your boundaries and how to listen to your gut.

YourGoldLurker · 16/09/2026 23:43

NickyC1975 · 16/09/2026 21:23

I know all that but I just don't think he should have been stroking my knee/leg mostly. I know I didn't say anything to stop him but I was being too polite.

I remember now, before I was about to sit at the first table he said, "Oh, can we sit on the couch over there instead so it's not an interview?". This was at the very start of the date and he hadn't started touching me at all at this point but I admit I didn't say no then either. He later told me his previous date insisted they sit opposite each other and he never touched her and he had no problem with that. So yes, I admit I could've said no and he'd been OK.

Also about 1hr into the date, I remember after we'd been kissing and while he was touching my knee he asked me if I was having fun. I replied 'yes'. He said that made him feel glad cos I told him before men my age are usually boring. Maybe that's where he got the impression I was OK with it? I admit I said yes quite enthusiastically but again I'm too polite.

I later joked about the knee-rubbing and said, "Shall I get you a leg of lamb to rub cos you like legs so much?" I laughed about it so I guess that didn't help me either. I know you'll think I'm weird for all this.

A couple days later after he already apologized and took full responsibility for his actions (he never defended himself) I texted him back saying during all the leg touching I was screaming inside which made me zone-out and cut-off and that's why I never said anything. When he questioned that, I said I'm basically too polite.

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This is absurd

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/09/2026 21:51

Maybe you should practice saying ' no ' in the mirror then you may be able to say it in the future.

Original poster

NickyC1975 · 16/09/2026 21:23

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 16/09/2026 16:51

Well, as you responded positively to him kissing you, kissed him back and didn’t say anything whatsoever about it, I’m not sure how you would expect him to know you weren’t keen on it.

Lots of people kiss on first dates. He had no way of knowing you don’t. Essentially, you did a lot of things you apparently think are bad, but that wasn’t his fault and you weren’t coerced.

He sounds awful but you’re coming across very oddly to me.

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I know all that but I just don't think he should have been stroking my knee/leg mostly. I know I didn't say anything to stop him but I was being too polite.

I remember now, before I was about to sit at the first table he said, "Oh, can we sit on the couch over there instead so it's not an interview?". This was at the very start of the date and he hadn't started touching me at all at this point but I admit I didn't say no then either. He later told me his previous date insisted they sit opposite each other and he never touched her and he had no problem with that. So yes, I admit I could've said no and he'd been OK.

Also about 1hr into the date, I remember after we'd been kissing and while he was touching my knee he asked me if I was having fun. I replied 'yes'. He said that made him feel glad cos I told him before men my age are usually boring. Maybe that's where he got the impression I was OK with it? I admit I said yes quite enthusiastically but again I'm too polite.

I later joked about the knee-rubbing and said, "Shall I get you a leg of lamb to rub cos you like legs so much?" I laughed about it so I guess that didn't help me either. I know you'll think I'm weird for all this.

A couple days later after he already apologized and took full responsibility for his actions (he never defended himself) I texted him back saying during all the leg touching I was screaming inside which made me zone-out and cut-off and that's why I never said anything. When he questioned that, I said I'm basically too polite.

OP posts:

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 16/09/2026 16:51

NickyC1975 · 15/09/2026 18:57

I was on the date for 3hrs and he was quite touchy from early on and even kissed me within an hour-ish so I was uneasy throughout most of it. After we finished our drinks about 2hrs later, he offered me a 2nd round and I accepted. I could've gone home after first drink but didn't. When we kissed goodbye, I said I'd text him when I got home and told him, 'thanks for the date, hope you got home safe.' But next day I ended it.

I believe touching and kissing is not for first dates. Even if you're a couple in an established relationship you should only be sitting opposite each other at a table. On previous dates when men have touched me, I've been put off.

I wasn't asking if I'm unreasonable for ending it, I was asking if I was unreasonable for not communicating better and expecting him to know what I was thinking - yes, I know I touched/kissed him back, didn't flinch and accepted a 2nd drink and stayed 3hrs and I know people do all this but it's just not me. I was hoping the responses here would be more objective and fair and not biased simply cos I'm a fellow-woman as it defeats the purpose of asking - but I guess that's MN. Someone mentioned if this was a court case, I'd have to do better.

Well, as you responded positively to him kissing you, kissed him back and didn’t say anything whatsoever about it, I’m not sure how you would expect him to know you weren’t keen on it.

Lots of people kiss on first dates. He had no way of knowing you don’t. Essentially, you did a lot of things you apparently think are bad, but that wasn’t his fault and you weren’t coerced.

He sounds awful but you’re coming across very oddly to me.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/09/2026 11:41

He behaved like a puppy. He is over the top with no self control whatsoever.
You made the right decision.

YourGoldLurker · 16/09/2026 11:37

NickyC1975 · 16/09/2026 02:21

What don't you believe? I know I'm a new account but I swear this happened, why would I make it up? The other thread I started was just my misunderstanding and I've texted that guy back since. I actually already asked admin to delete this thread cos it was making me anxious, that's why I didn't post for a day.

I went on this date and found the guy very, very attractive before and during but I didn't tell him to stop touching/kissing cos I'm honestly too polite, I always have been and maybe that's my problem. I just don't want anyone to think I'm a b by saying stop and thereby upset myself. I was attracted and thought he was nice and I kissed/touched him back but it was just too much. And I stayed for the 2nd drink cos he already offered and was getting up and I wanted to give him a chance, I actually wanted to like him so perhaps in hindsight I was trying to talk myself into it and that's maybe why I stayed for 3hrs (didn't stay longer as it was 11pm). He was nice but the touching was too much, I tried to get into it but I just couldn't. If it wasn't for the touching/kissing, I'd see him again. I sent a "thanks for the date" text later cos I thought it was polite. I know I need to toughen-up but I find it SO hard and worry people will think I'm mean. I'm only saying all these details now cos I didn't think it was relevant before.

I don't know why I'm being gas-lit or blamed for the date.

As for couples in relationships should always sit across from each other and you should never kiss on first dates or sit besides each other - that's just me. I've had guys try it on and I didn't like it. PDAs make me anxious too, that's why couples should sit opposite. Yes, I know I kissed my date but most of the time no one was around except later on when a group came in and sat at the far end later on.

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Other people's PDA's really don't have anything to do with anyone apart from them.

Original poster

NickyC1975 · 16/09/2026 02:24

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 16/09/2026 01:25

It was semi believable until you said it took 2 hours to finish the first drink / he offered a second one.

It might've been a bit less than 2hrs, I dunno. I finished my drink first then he did, he was a slow drinker and we chatted a lot.

OP posts:

Original poster

NickyC1975 · 16/09/2026 02:21

LadyGAgain · 15/09/2026 23:47

I’ve reported this post as I don’t believe it at all. And your ambiguity around this (which isn’t) doesn’t serve us women well.

What don't you believe? I know I'm a new account but I swear this happened, why would I make it up? The other thread I started was just my misunderstanding and I've texted that guy back since. I actually already asked admin to delete this thread cos it was making me anxious, that's why I didn't post for a day.

I went on this date and found the guy very, very attractive before and during but I didn't tell him to stop touching/kissing cos I'm honestly too polite, I always have been and maybe that's my problem. I just don't want anyone to think I'm a b by saying stop and thereby upset myself. I was attracted and thought he was nice and I kissed/touched him back but it was just too much. And I stayed for the 2nd drink cos he already offered and was getting up and I wanted to give him a chance, I actually wanted to like him so perhaps in hindsight I was trying to talk myself into it and that's maybe why I stayed for 3hrs (didn't stay longer as it was 11pm). He was nice but the touching was too much, I tried to get into it but I just couldn't. If it wasn't for the touching/kissing, I'd see him again. I sent a "thanks for the date" text later cos I thought it was polite. I know I need to toughen-up but I find it SO hard and worry people will think I'm mean. I'm only saying all these details now cos I didn't think it was relevant before.

I don't know why I'm being gas-lit or blamed for the date.

As for couples in relationships should always sit across from each other and you should never kiss on first dates or sit besides each other - that's just me. I've had guys try it on and I didn't like it. PDAs make me anxious too, that's why couples should sit opposite. Yes, I know I kissed my date but most of the time no one was around except later on when a group came in and sat at the far end later on.

OP posts: