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Original poster

He was very touchy-feely on date BUT I didn't object and kissed him back.

130 replies

NickyC1975 · 13/09/2026 23:50

I was on a 1st date with a very attractive, confident, cheeky man (we're both 50s) and he was very touchy with his moves eg. stroking my knees/legs, holding my hands, kissing my shoulder and lips and even my chest a couple times. I never kissed on a 1st date before but I let him do all this with very little complaint but part of me was just being polite as I did feel uncomfortable about it afterwards and so ended it next day. He sent a voice-clip apologizing and sounded very sincere, took full responsibility and understood and offered to sit on his hands if we meet again. He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin. I did enjoy kissing/hand holding etc but still I felt it was a lot.

I NEVER stopped him and in fact I touched him BACK and NEVER even flinched so it would be very easy for him to assume I was OK with it. But I did feel uncomfortable as I'm a slow-burn. He was a very nice guy though and said he respected my boundaries and would not go too far and was really looking forward to seeing me again and I was planning to see him again until I had a change of heart next day.

Am I being unreasonable for ending it and not just communicating better? He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

OP posts:
Justaquestionplease · 14/09/2026 08:59

Are you very inexperienced op? Im just surprised that in your fifties, you've not only never kissed on a first date but also had no idea how to bat off his advances or to reject his attempt to kiss you.

Sereine · 14/09/2026 09:11

part of me feels he should have read my cues better even though I do realise it was confusing cos I never stopped him or even said NOI!

What cues were you giving him that he should have read better?

Littledidsheknow · 14/09/2026 09:13

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 14/09/2026 08:53

Because according to you touching and kissing which she responded to is slimy. Yes he might have instigated it but no-one was forced to kiss or touch back. The comment was just him being stupid, I think.
Personally I don't think someone kissing or touching makes you a creep, unless the other person says no. The comment? Well maybe.
Anyway as I said to the OP she doesn't need a reason to stop seeing him if that's what she wants to do.

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According to you touching and kissing which she responded to is slimy

Eh? I never said that?

I called him a slimy creep based on EVERYTHING OP said about him. What he said as much as anything else. More so, actually.

Brummyhelpplease · 14/09/2026 09:14

OldrNWisr · 14/09/2026 07:23

“He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin.”

That comment alone on a first date would give me the ick. Too much.

Edited

I got the chills reading it. It is exactly the wording of a predator.

REMEMBERthemALL · 14/09/2026 09:14

Zipidydodah · 13/09/2026 23:57

Men (or women) for that matter aren’t mind readers so yes you need to actually communicate especially if someone does something you aren’t comfortable with.
BUT big, big red flags. No man should be constantly pawing you on a first date and this is absolute bollocks …… He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin.
And really worrying actually as it’s from the “it’s not my fault your so attractive I can’t control myself” playbook
BIN

Edited

This.

Sounds a creep

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 10:06

Brummyhelpplease · 14/09/2026 09:14

I got the chills reading it. It is exactly the wording of a predator.

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So if someone says a woman has soft skin they're a predator?

Brummyhelpplease · 14/09/2026 10:09

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 10:06

So if someone says a woman has soft skin they're a predator?

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The fact he stated he couldnt help himself because she was so attractive is the biggest tell. If he couldnt help himself touching her in a random bar on the first night then I dare say he wouldn't be able to stop himself raping her either if they got hot and heavy with kissing somewhere private.

FringedAnd · 14/09/2026 10:09

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 10:06

So if someone says a woman has soft skin they're a predator?

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If someone defends their decision to spend their first date kissing and groping a complete stranger by saying he was 'unexpectedly attracted' to her and referencing her 'soft skin' then, yes, I'd say a creep and predator.

leavesinthebreeze · 14/09/2026 10:15

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 10:06

So if someone says a woman has soft skin they're a predator?

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No. The fact he was all over her arms and chest kissing in a public bar on a first date saying her skin was so soft so he couldn’t help himself is a big indicator of a predator.
Has anyone made out to that extent (or got off with if you are my era 🙈) in a public bar on a first date?

MissSookieStackhouse · 14/09/2026 10:16

He sounds like an absolute creep. You may not have objected, but someone who has their hands all over you on a first date when they don’t know you well enough to to how you feel about it just sounds like a complete lech. Just move on and learn from it. If some guy you barely know starts pawing you, say you don’t feel comfortable with it. If they continue, get up and leave. This guy is history, forget about him but learn from the experience.

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 10:16

leavesinthebreeze · 14/09/2026 10:15

No. The fact he was all over her arms and chest kissing in a public bar on a first date saying her skin was so soft so he couldn’t help himself is a big indicator of a predator.
Has anyone made out to that extent (or got off with if you are my era 🙈) in a public bar on a first date?

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A public bar that was apparently deserted with no one in it

Maisymouse2 · 14/09/2026 10:19

He was trying it on as soon as he met you.
Im sure he will already looking elsewhere.

OvernightBloats · 14/09/2026 10:20

He's a slimeball who thinks he can charm his way into your affections. Not worth a second date.

leavesinthebreeze · 14/09/2026 10:20

YourGoldLurker · 14/09/2026 10:16

A public bar that was apparently deserted with no one in it

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To be fair these days that’s not hard to imagine depending on where you are - but still, unless you are into that kind of thing why risk a member of public or staff watching you getting it on that much?

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 14/09/2026 10:24

He said he was unexpectantly overwhelmed at how attracted he was to me, esp my soft skin

Sounds like a total creep to me.

Justaquestionplease · 14/09/2026 14:05

Probably loads of people to be fair. Kissing and even sex on a first date are hardly that unusual.

Justaquestionplease · 14/09/2026 14:14

Justaquestionplease · 14/09/2026 14:05

Probably loads of people to be fair. Kissing and even sex on a first date are hardly that unusual.

Sorry this was meant to quote the poster who asked who kisses someone in a bar on a first date.

leavesinthebreeze · 14/09/2026 14:30

Justaquestionplease · 14/09/2026 14:14

Sorry this was meant to quote the poster who asked who kisses someone in a bar on a first date.

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But touching chests and that in a bar? Is that usual?

LadyGAgain · 14/09/2026 15:24

Littledidsheknow · 14/09/2026 00:02

Even if that is the case @LadyGAgain it doesn’t oblige OP to see him again.

Never said that it did! Very weird comment.

Screamingabdabz · 14/09/2026 15:39

I’m a bit disturbed that so many posters are advocating for the ‘you should’ve said no’ rather than ‘he should’ve asked permission first’ - what happened to consent? Aren’t we all teaching our kids that? Men shouldn’t be touching or putting their lips on anything without full permission first.

Coconutter24 · 14/09/2026 18:54

He's not a mind reader but part of me feels he should have read my cues better

He did read your cues, you said yourself you touched him and kissed him back, didn’t flinch and you enjoyed kissing him. I’m confused just reading it tbh. It’s ok to set some boundaries for if you were to meet him again but I don’t think you can say he should have read your cues better.

Original poster
NickyC1975 · 15/09/2026 18:57

I was on the date for 3hrs and he was quite touchy from early on and even kissed me within an hour-ish so I was uneasy throughout most of it. After we finished our drinks about 2hrs later, he offered me a 2nd round and I accepted. I could've gone home after first drink but didn't. When we kissed goodbye, I said I'd text him when I got home and told him, 'thanks for the date, hope you got home safe.' But next day I ended it.

I believe touching and kissing is not for first dates. Even if you're a couple in an established relationship you should only be sitting opposite each other at a table. On previous dates when men have touched me, I've been put off.

I wasn't asking if I'm unreasonable for ending it, I was asking if I was unreasonable for not communicating better and expecting him to know what I was thinking - yes, I know I touched/kissed him back, didn't flinch and accepted a 2nd drink and stayed 3hrs and I know people do all this but it's just not me. I was hoping the responses here would be more objective and fair and not biased simply cos I'm a fellow-woman as it defeats the purpose of asking - but I guess that's MN. Someone mentioned if this was a court case, I'd have to do better.

OP posts:
Millytante · 15/09/2026 19:15

Could you say a bit more about believing that those in established relationships must only sit opposite each other, never side by side, in a bar or restaurant?

Given how many of your own supposedly hard and fast rules you broke on this date, I am dazzled by your hypocrisy. Brava!

YourGoldLurker · 15/09/2026 22:31

NickyC1975 · 15/09/2026 18:57

I was on the date for 3hrs and he was quite touchy from early on and even kissed me within an hour-ish so I was uneasy throughout most of it. After we finished our drinks about 2hrs later, he offered me a 2nd round and I accepted. I could've gone home after first drink but didn't. When we kissed goodbye, I said I'd text him when I got home and told him, 'thanks for the date, hope you got home safe.' But next day I ended it.

I believe touching and kissing is not for first dates. Even if you're a couple in an established relationship you should only be sitting opposite each other at a table. On previous dates when men have touched me, I've been put off.

I wasn't asking if I'm unreasonable for ending it, I was asking if I was unreasonable for not communicating better and expecting him to know what I was thinking - yes, I know I touched/kissed him back, didn't flinch and accepted a 2nd drink and stayed 3hrs and I know people do all this but it's just not me. I was hoping the responses here would be more objective and fair and not biased simply cos I'm a fellow-woman as it defeats the purpose of asking - but I guess that's MN. Someone mentioned if this was a court case, I'd have to do better.

Sitting opposite each other at a table if you are in a relationship. What ?

YourGoldLurker · 15/09/2026 22:32

Millytante · 15/09/2026 19:15

Could you say a bit more about believing that those in established relationships must only sit opposite each other, never side by side, in a bar or restaurant?

Given how many of your own supposedly hard and fast rules you broke on this date, I am dazzled by your hypocrisy. Brava!

This is just bizarre. You have to sit opposite one another at a table.