Drug taking in daughter's student house

No doubt the weed head is ND

I have a 17 year old who will be heading to uni next year. They don’t just suddenly know how to do everything as soon as they hit 18! Yes we need to guide them but ultimately they wouldn’t have had to navigate these kind of waters before and may need a hand to hold!

It's not hard to understand at all - but on Mumsnet it's The Law that once a child hits 18, you kicked them out (or charge rent) and require them to fight their own battles, without parental support or intervention 🤷‍♀️

Maybe you could say to your daughter that is she doesn't phone her landlord, you will!

The 3 people on the tenancy agreement need to speak to the new guy and tell him that they're not comfortable with the weed-smoking, his girlfriend moving in and his friends taking over the shared spaces.

If he doesn't accept that then the 3 of them escalate to the landlord.

The odd occasion of smoking weed, having a girlfriend stay over or some friends hanging out and crashing were pretty standard in my student days. If it became too much then you had a word - same as when someone didn't clear up after themselves in the kitchen or whatever.

You can help her if it gets to the point the landlord doesn't act, but encourage her to be the one to take the first steps.

Can they not speak to him in person?

Your daughter and the others need to tell him that smoking inside and having people sleep in communal areas will not be tolerated by the rest of them.

I don’t think many people would think it was unreasonable that your daughter and her housemate were uncomfortable.

The unreasonable thing would be for you to contact your daughter’s landlord when your daughter and her housemate are adults and should be perfectly capable of contacting their landlord themselves.

I doubt that the landlord will need to get involved given that it's three housemates against one. If he wants to stay in the house, he'll have to change his behaviour or move out. He'll realize that they could escalate it to the landlord as @Schoolchoicesucks says.

No point in being concerned now. Why was your student daughter sharing with people she vaguely knows.

You are right to be worried but, unless your name is on the tenancy agreement, it’s your daughter and her friends, the three adults, who have the responsibility to contact the landlord about the drug use and the extra person moving in.

DD sharing with a weed-head. What's not to dislike?

There's another post running currently, from which I learned that different regulations may apply in a HMO when the number of tenants goes from four to five; the fact that tenant number four has brought in tenant number five, even if she doesn't contribute to the rent, needs to be drawn to the attention of the landlord.
I agree that the tenants need to do this themselves, but a bit of prep advice and moral support would not come amiss.

I think you may be drunk, but this is (sort of) good advice.

As a landlord I’d want to know if a tenant moved another person in.
I would prefer that information to come from another tenant who lives at the property than from a third party.
By all means support your daughter but she or another occupant needs to speak to the landlord.

Totally unsafe situation, strange men off their heads in her kitchen ! I hope the landlord throw the new tenant out . I think your dd should have called the police tbh.
Those saying she is an adult, 19 is still so young and inexperienced. I wouldn’t have known what to do in this situation at 19.

Because that's how student accommodation works. If you're in an HMO, you may not know most of the people you are sharing with. Maybe not even 'vaguely'.

@Poster555 I completely agree if the gf has actually moved in. The man himself only moved in four days ago, so they need to establish that she's not just staying for the weekend.

It's quite possible that she lives in another student house up the road, for example!

How drunk were you when you typed this

Moved into one of my student houses in 1992 with 3 male geology students.

Within a couple of hours I realised they were complete stoners, not only that but turned out one of them was the main dealer for our campus, so the entire year was spent living on the edge of our seats thinking every knock on the door might be the police. There was a constant stream of students coming in and out, day and night. And 'Marcus' the slightly scary supplier would turn up every couple of weeks with more 'stock'.

I was never a total pothead like they were but joined in now and then. I genuinely didn't think that much of it, it was just so normalised then. The idea of discussing it with my mum or her getting involved in any way would have been utterly preposterous, but that's not a dig at you at all OP, I just think times are so so different now. My friends who are parents of kids that age are SO much more hands-on and involved in their lives; they're in contact on a daily basis, have Life360 etc. Technology has led to a radical change in the way late teens develop into functioning adults. What was normal then - being left to fend for ourselves and figure it out on our own - would seem almost cruel now. But I've certainly noticed significantly delayed development of social confidence, resilience, practical independence etc in the young people I know when I compare them to my generation. However, if my mum had known what was going on in my house she'd have been worried as well.

I kept in touch with the dealer housemate for a few years after we graduated, as we both worked in the same industry for a bit. He is now the CEO of a very large UK retail chain.

(Sorry OP not remotely useful, your post just made me reminisce)

I had a similar experience at the same time ....except the dealer student induced schizophrenia (we think he was experiementing on them) into 2 lads due to his exotic drug supply from his placement hospital (we believe),so since that time i call the police at the sight of any illegal drug in my presence.Turns out the dealer is now a head of education at a British Uni.l too.

Oh bless you🥹

Thinking facts are ageist and melodramatic.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/28/my-gruelling-week-of-calling-gen-z-friends-rather-than-texting

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/phone-call-anxiety-whatsapp-voicenotes-b2541548.html

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/schools-a-level-results-university-clearing-phone-calls-b2806324.html

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/generation-z-ringing-doorbell-smartphones-b2999235.html

Given they're all the same age and it's 3 vs 1 I think they can likely just deal with this themselves. Basically tell him no gf living there (need to establish rules for partners staying over), no smoking in the house, and if people crash, they crash in his room (but then all housemates need to abide by that). The fact that it sounds like an HMO situation (i.e. they are all separately contracted with the LL rather than having a J&V contract) makes it easier as LL can just tell pothead guy to leave and get someone else in. However, he may be reluctant to do that depending on how easy a replacement will be so the three of them might need to help him out on that to make it more feasible.

Yes OP for some reason on mumsnet when your children turn 18 they should solve every problem they ever have completely on their own as they’re now an adult 🙄. But I personally think you should help your dd out, my own dd had a nightmare roommate 2 years ago, completely ruined her uni experience. I helped with communication to Landlord as guess what?? Student/young persons landlord barely listen to them!! Funnily enough when parents got involved they were a bit more responsive!

They do sound a bit wet. They don't need their parents or their landlord to deal with this. There are 3 of them and only 1 of him. They need to tell him to fuck off round to his friends' houses if he wants to smoke weed as they don't like the smell and don't want to get evicted. And if he wants to have sleepovers then they need to sleep in his room. Learning to stand up for yourself is an important part of growing up and living with others.

It’s up to the landlord to tell him not to smoke weed in the common areas and not have people over (I suspect the latter is against the tenancy agreement anyway from a fire/safety/insurance point of view).

It’s up to your daughter and other tenants to report this. They could be breaching their tenancy agreements by not reporting such to the landlord, so they definitely need to speak or email him before he finds out for himself (which could happen if he knows the neighbours being a private 1 or 2 property type landlord).

Help your daughter compile an email or a list for her to say on the phone but it has to come from one of them (or all of them collectively).