AIBU to want distance from friends who trigger heavy drinking?

Because it's common sense. It's not healthy not to have control over your drinking, nor to blame your inability to control your drinking on an external circumstance or person/people.

Yeah there was definitely an element of aggression on someone not willing to get legless with them; my closest friend at the time came from a family of heavy drinkers so I think it seemed normal for her.

Strangely while we were on a night out, another member of the group became quite nasty when someone disagreed with her over something; my friend confided " Linda gets quite nasty when she's drunk". The irony being my close friend didn't realise she could give Linda a run for her money in the aggression stakes when she'd had a few. I remember another friend commenting on how the mutual friend was so drunk in the pub toilets she could barely stand. These things stick in your mind.

I do wonder if alcohol is often used to boost confidence on a night out, then it becomes a habit/ addiction. I'm lucky I grew out of it.

I'd go out & drink softies or alcohol free drinks & say that you two will get your own drinks / rounds. Can at least one of you drive??

It's hard, I get it. I've been trying to reduce & then stop drinking for a while now - I'd found a good thread on here actually.

It took me several attempts, but now I just see alcohol as poison generally. All it does is increase your risk of serious diseases and has the potential to cut your life short. I still have the odd wobble, but I find the alcohol free options, particularly guinness or a real ale sort that out & then tap water. I spen waaay less now too.

I don't know whether that's helpful to you or not? Another benefit of the above is with a clear mind it's much easier to leave earlier - and noone notices as they are pi$$ed.

So don't spend time with them. Or as pps have said suggest a completely different environment to meet up. Maybe initially have a meet up with the other one from the group who has expressed they want to cut down.

Plenty of people change their life styles to avoid the thing that triggers them, be it drink, drugs, food, people

Sorry but this is hilarious. OP describes perfectly normal and well acknowledged pitfalls of drinking + socialising. Who do you suggest she seeks help from?

and sorry OP posted too soon.

I gave up drinking 3 years ago- up to my late 30s was very boozy, social, loads of friends etc. I def made friends with people who liked to booze as much and I, which means you do feel a bit wary about giving up.

i was lucky that a couple of people had given up before me. I had to accept I may lose friends. I haven’t really lost any, but social situation safe really different. I go for a couple of hours then slip off. It doesn’t matter since everyone is too pissed to notice, but I still get home fresh and wake up fresh. You may need a few months off booze before you feel confident doing this though.

millie gooch’s book is great for hints and tips on socialising sober (she was much much younger, but if you can get past that it’s all useful)

my social life has certainly changed but I’ve managed to keep my friends. I very much agree with friends for a reason friends for a season though.

one more thing- don’t over think not drinking and pregnancy. If you’re not pregnant that’s that. They’ll realise in 3/4/5/6 months when it obvious you aren’t.

Team up with that friend and do it together - strength in numbers 💪

Can you speak to any of the group on a one to one basis and see if any of them would prefer to dial it back a bit?

Also - if you have to - tell a lie and say your doctor has said you can’t drink due to being diagnosed with NAFLD
No one is going to know

Meet them later in the day/evening so there’s not the opportunity to drink so much.

You're choosing to use that as a reason to absolve yourself of responsibility for making the decision to get hammered.

Unless they are holding you down, shoving a funnel in your throat and tipping vodka down it, you are choosing to drink. And if they were, you're still choosing to go there when you know that would happen.

Take responsibility for your own choices and your own actions. The Big Boys aren't making you do it. You are doing it.

I don’t really see the point in this advice. How is it helpful? OP knows full well they’re not forcing her to drink, she hasn’t said anything that indicates she thinks that either.

she’s saying that with this group of friends, heavy drinking is the norm of their relationship, and how they socialise. It’s utterly ridiculous to pretend that it isn’t challenging to sever that link.

A lot of us have been through this: I'm quite a bit older than you (50s) but have gone through similar.

It sounds as if this group of people are very committed to drinking and it sounds like a culture where people egg one another on, but it also sounds as if you're not being entirely honest with yourself and are allowing things like birthdays etc to be a bit of an excuse to let your boundaries slide. The bottom line is you don't have to drink heavily to be a good friend to someone: anyone who expects that of you is not a real friend and you have to choose which is more important to you.

At some point you have to front up to them and say you want to drink less and see how it lands. If there's pushback you have to hold the line and say what your boundaries are and if they really don't respect them, you have to pull yourself back a bit. I have been going through this recently with an old friend: she has form for buying alcohol for us to share after I've explicitly told her I didn't want any more and I had to read the riot act. It was a bit tricky for a bit but she now accepts that this is who I am now and our relationship has adjusted.

If you really can't be with these people without drinking I'd distance yourself from the next few gatherings and try to have a 'reset'.

I think framing it as situational addiction or out of body experience may be overcomplicating or even romanticising it slightly.

I'd say this is peer influence pure and simple- these peers you like a lot, and you are all in the habit of drinking a lot together, and so your friendship seems framed around the activity and fun of drinking.

I don't think it means you're addicted at all really. It's similar, to use a wildly different comparison, to where toddlers refuse adamantly to try, say, cauliflower cheese at home - put them in nursery where Freddie, Henry and Sienna are sitting at table eating cauliflower cheese, they'll do the same, much to the surprise of the bemused parents at pickup.

But you don't always have to eat cauliflower cheese/drink with your friends. Maybe do one-on-one coffees with the friends you get on best with. Maybe suggest dinner first and book something with a separate friend after dinner so you drop out after dinner and aren't tempted to stay. I think there will be more and more non drinkers as the years go on, so preserve the friendships you value most in different ways/by varying up the activities.

How about trying something in the middle OP?

I quit alcohol 3 months ago, I was probably drinking on average once a week, sometimes twice a week but would drink until I was drunk. I can’t stop at one! I would end up drinking nearly a whole bottle of wine to myself (could never manage a full one!)

At first I did it as an experiment to see how I would feel. Never told myself it was forever (and still don’t) and sort of set myself up to succeed. One friend I have that I used to drink with, I started meeting for lunch instead or going for a meal or to a show of some description. Another friend, I found it much easier to drink something else (trip drinks with CBD or Lion’s Mane are a good alternative)

Anyway, now I have three months under my belt I feel like it would be much easier to go to a pub and not drink alcohol because I don’t want to ‘throw away’ all the good I have done. Also, the longer I go without alcohol the more I think it’s weird I ever wanted it. I haven’t missed it one bit! My skin is clearer, my hair is thicker, I have more energy, I am calmer etc etc. I was skeptical but it really is such a good thing to do for your health and well being!

Nope. You use the excuse that YOU cannot stop drinking when you are around these people. You BLAME the given situation for the fact you get blathered. These people are heavy drinkers therefore I must get pissed. What a crock of shite.

I can't drink Non alcoholic as they will think I am pregnant...another sad excuse.

I go out regularly with very heavy drinkers as well as normal drinkers. Do I get too drunk it either situation? No, because I can control myself. Just because someone is going to the bar doesn't mean you have to have one if you are asked. The problem lies with you. You can bleat on about it being the environment all you want but it really boils down to your own lack of control and the fact you see an outing with these guys as "not my fault, I have to drink to excess".

You are in deep denial.

This seems unnecessarily harsh. It’s great that you can easily moderate around heavy drinkers, but it isn’t that simple for everyone. Of course we’re responsible for what we drink, but alcohol affects people differently, and some of us find the off switch less reliable once we start. Recognising the particular people and situations that make moderation harder isn’t necessarily blaming them or being in denial.
It can be genuinely difficult to work out how to change your drinking without damaging or losing valued friendships, particularly when big nights out have become part of the established dynamic. I think if someone is trying to work through all this, it’s useful to listen and support, and bear in mind you may have luck on your side