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Is everyone, everywhere ND - I seriously am confused.

549 replies

ThisWiseRobin · 13/09/2026 13:36

I understand that hundreds of hackles will rise, some will spit fire, some will curse me, but I just need to ask something, because currently things don't sit comfortably with me.

For ref: I read a thread about how children behave in school and how many times on MN posters will say that their child is Autistic, ADHD, or some other new word for being different.

See, when my generation was at school (1970), we had the lively kids, the quiet kids, the ones who did brilliantly, and the ones who struggled (like me with maths).
The less academic kids were usually great at sport or music or art; the most brainy ones scooped up all the prizes at prize-giving, and that was that. Life was uncomplicated and many will agree the best time to be alive.
But when the teacher walked in, all went quiet. No one threw furniture, no one had trouble calming down, no one screamed or threw tantrums....it simply did not happen. We all seemed to be able to control our emotions and get on with things.
I am truly distressed and concerned (after years of working in a pharmacy) about how many children are now drugged up, suppressed, or out of control - all of which lead to an unhappy child and a very unhappy adult.
It just seems to be everywhere, and I have had parents come in to proudly announce the diagnosis of something as if it's a badge of honour. "At last someone is listening to us....at least we have a diagnosis" - the little one is either fiddling with something on the shelf or jumping on the scales or whatever. I used to say, "Don't do that, thank you," and they would stop.

I don't want to detract from real problems but so many posters here just claim one diversity or another or suggest that a child who is being wacky and noisy is ND (I hate that expression - honestly)
I know my generation is a pain in the a** in younger people's eyes because they think we know nothing, but if the child is overactive, let them swing from the washing line, run around in circles on a field, or dig a hole.
Not every child is going to be at the top of their class; please let your children be children.
Us old people are not stupid; we have had quite a few turns around the sun and sometimes I just despair of what the future generations are going to turn out like.

*Calling a taxi for one now

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Hohofortherobbers · 13/09/2026 16:02

I was in primary in the 80s, I remember the kid with ADHD, although at the time he was just labelled naughty, despite all the boundaries and discipline we had.
He's dead now, overdosed in his 20s.
If only he'd had the support we can access now.

FairKoala · 13/09/2026 16:02

Aubin7 · 13/09/2026 15:52

Agreed. A 1950s classroom was perfect for autistic children.

I took myself out of school in reception because I got bored.
I have been that child in that setting

Didn’t learn a thing as my brain was just trying to count the seconds in an hour till I could get up and move. Alongside counting the number of times the teacher said a certain word

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 13/09/2026 16:03

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 13:47

In the 70's, many children with disabilities would have never even made it to school in the first place.

Thankfully all children have a legal right to an education now.

Ummm in the 70’s all children had a legal right to education. Guess it just depends on what you call education.

I would suggest there was a lot more segregation of ND kids then which wasn’t okay. But ND kids not being supported and severely disrupting classes isn’t either (yeah my kid still has the scar from a kid who likes to throw chairs when angry and clearly shouldn’t have been in a regular primary).

SevenYellowHammers · 13/09/2026 16:04

Appreciate your courage!
I know it’s considered poor show to say I’m a little bit ADHD (and so on) but I think it’s true. Sub diagnosis conditions. At the end of the day, it’s only a problem if it’s a problem!

Triskellion75 · 13/09/2026 16:04

fluffiphlox · 13/09/2026 16:01

What are the reasons do you think?

More awareness, better understanding of ASD leading to better diagnoses.

99999xx · 13/09/2026 16:04

Timeforachange26 · 13/09/2026 15:52

Well I was at school in the 70s and certainly didn't have any of that with kids throwing things etc. They would've instantly been thrown out

Ditto - we certainly didn't either.

Kids were naughty and played up, but were clamped down on and had discipline.
All had a level or respect and stood when the head came into the class. A small act that doesn't happen now, but set the tone for the school

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 16:05

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 13/09/2026 16:03

Ummm in the 70’s all children had a legal right to education. Guess it just depends on what you call education.

I would suggest there was a lot more segregation of ND kids then which wasn’t okay. But ND kids not being supported and severely disrupting classes isn’t either (yeah my kid still has the scar from a kid who likes to throw chairs when angry and clearly shouldn’t have been in a regular primary).

I am autistic( one of the forgotten girls who just kept her head down to avoid bullying). I have the mental scars from the physical and verbal bullying I received from the NT kids.

BatchCookBabe · 13/09/2026 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

100% this. ^ I think a lot of people agree with the OP @ThisWiseRobin judging by the poll result. Almost 4 out of 5 people (of nearly 800 who have voted so far) say the OP is not being unreasonable....

Many people voting in the poll won't speak up on here for fear of retribution, and others saying 'your mask has slipped!' and 'some posters have shown their true colours lalalalala.'

I believe that most people 45-50 and older will side with/agree with the OP, and most people 40-ish and younger will be incensed at the mere suggestion that some people who are ND, may just be a bit awkward around people, and many children who have it/allegedly have it, are simply badly behaved because of their upbringing/lack of discipline.

I think Autism and ADHD are both real. I do not believe every person/child diagnosed with it actually has it. And don't get me started on the people who have self diagnosed themselves with it! Hmm

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 16:06

99999xx · 13/09/2026 15:59

Comments like this shut down debate and honest talk.

The OP has written sensibly and fully as to her feelings and experience.

Calling people "goady" because you don't want to engage is, to me, very goady

No it is a goady thread intent on whipping up a witch hunt. Clear as day.

BatchCookBabe · 13/09/2026 16:07

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 16:06

No it is a goady thread intent on whipping up a witch hunt. Clear as day.

And who is being witch hunted?

Bonden · 13/09/2026 16:08

I was at school in the 70s. Very academic child. Scholarship to an all girls school. By 16 I was expelled. University. Ended up working for myself as hated workplaces. Had family. Successful business sold for £ms in 2023. Early retirement. sounds great, doesn’t it?

But my whole life I’ve felt weird, alien, suicidal. Almost every day has been intolerably hard. Inside my head it’s chaos and shame. Inside my house it’s chaos. My children had a nanny because I knew I couldn’t “do” the consistency and day to day routines they needed.

I would far far rather have never been born. 30 years of therapy and antidepressants.

diagnosed adhd at 58 and THE RELIEF was enormous as was the sorrow that I could have done so much better with my family.

so fuck off with your smug NT complacency, OP.

OneLilacHedgehog · 13/09/2026 16:08

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 16:05

I am autistic( one of the forgotten girls who just kept her head down to avoid bullying). I have the mental scars from the physical and verbal bullying I received from the NT kids.

There was a lot more bullying generally.

Pumpkindice · 13/09/2026 16:08

@fluffiphlox Why do you assume that someone who is ND wouldn't do their job? And why would you assume that someone who is NT would in comparison? Do you make the same assumptions about other accommodations, such as people with other types of disabilities, or women who are pregnant for example?
A common 'trait' of autism and of ADHD is hyper focus. I don't sneer at my NT for their failure to work non stop without interruptions, but their NT need to interrupt their work to chat and socialise and ask about each others children does make them less capable at aspects of it.

fluffiphlox · 13/09/2026 16:08

Pumpkindice · 13/09/2026 15:52

Because you're being ignorant and discriminatory and claiming like you're doing other people a favour.
It's equivalent to someone saying that they don't agree with people employing blacks and you're going to leave soon because you can't keep your mouth shut, what do you expect, a round of applause?

No. I’m saying how things are for me. I appreciate that a lot around this topic is divisive and generational.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 16:08

BatchCookBabe · 13/09/2026 16:06

100% this. ^ I think a lot of people agree with the OP @ThisWiseRobin judging by the poll result. Almost 4 out of 5 people (of nearly 800 who have voted so far) say the OP is not being unreasonable....

Many people voting in the poll won't speak up on here for fear of retribution, and others saying 'your mask has slipped!' and 'some posters have shown their true colours lalalalala.'

I believe that most people 45-50 and older will side with/agree with the OP, and most people 40-ish and younger will be incensed at the mere suggestion that some people who are ND, may just be a bit awkward around people, and many children who have it/allegedly have it, are simply badly behaved because of their upbringing/lack of discipline.

I think Autism and ADHD are both real. I do not believe every person/child diagnosed with it actually has it. And don't get me started on the people who have self diagnosed themselves with it! Hmm

MN is well known to have high numbers of ND haters, the same old tedious threads are started every week. A MN poll based on inaccuracies and prejudice does not speak for the population as a whole.

Triskellion75 · 13/09/2026 16:08

BatchCookBabe · 13/09/2026 16:06

100% this. ^ I think a lot of people agree with the OP @ThisWiseRobin judging by the poll result. Almost 4 out of 5 people (of nearly 800 who have voted so far) say the OP is not being unreasonable....

Many people voting in the poll won't speak up on here for fear of retribution, and others saying 'your mask has slipped!' and 'some posters have shown their true colours lalalalala.'

I believe that most people 45-50 and older will side with/agree with the OP, and most people 40-ish and younger will be incensed at the mere suggestion that some people who are ND, may just be a bit awkward around people, and many children who have it/allegedly have it, are simply badly behaved because of their upbringing/lack of discipline.

I think Autism and ADHD are both real. I do not believe every person/child diagnosed with it actually has it. And don't get me started on the people who have self diagnosed themselves with it! Hmm

I'm 51 and I couldn't disagree more with the OP who, funnily enough, still hasn't returned 2.5 hours on.

Kf37elrif · 13/09/2026 16:09

BatchCookBabe · 13/09/2026 16:07

And who is being witch hunted?

ND children and ND parents.

PensionPTake · 13/09/2026 16:09

greenfingers2026 · 13/09/2026 15:46

My parents were at school in the 60s and early 70s. They are both autistic and both went to 'normal' comprehensives but didn't do very well. My sister and I are both autistic, as are her children, and a lot of my wider family. I don't think anyone who knows us would be surprised by that! Some of us are able to work but struggle with mental health, change etc and some will never work, marry etc. The difference is now that we've been diagnosed where as school by dad was just suspended/ punished a lot and my mum was a nervous wreck. For me, it has to be a good thing that people are understanding themselves more and being treated with greater kindness.
However, I work in education and at my particular state comprehensive we are close to 50% of our latest cohort being on the SEN register - it rises year on year - and I don't think we can continue to think of neurodivergance as an SEN that needs something "different" because soon enough ND children will be the greater majority in the school. Education needs to be re-considered as a whole so it's more inclusive, relevant to how people are living now and helpful for the kinds of careers and jobs people actually go into. It's a big,big ask but "the problem" of SEN (and the associated costs) won't be resolved until this is done.

I agree our whole education system needs an overhaul. It's just not working for anyone atm. Too much focus on academics and not enough focus on turning out happy, well rounded children. it's important children are pushed to an achieve their best, but that doenst always mean A grades all round.

there was a press story this week about a young man who got top grades in Spanish, but he isn't allowed to move on an study it in further education because his maths grade isn't good enough. It's ridiculous.

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 16:10

Itsbeenalongtimeincoming · 13/09/2026 16:03

Ummm in the 70’s all children had a legal right to education. Guess it just depends on what you call education.

I would suggest there was a lot more segregation of ND kids then which wasn’t okay. But ND kids not being supported and severely disrupting classes isn’t either (yeah my kid still has the scar from a kid who likes to throw chairs when angry and clearly shouldn’t have been in a regular primary).

An appropriate education I should say.

I agree that it has almost swung the other way now when we should have a balance. Some disabled children can cope in mainstream with support, some can't even with support and those children should be provided with an appropriate alternative but specialist provision places are as rare as hens teeth these days and can take years with everything that's involved.

Pumpkindice · 13/09/2026 16:10

fluffiphlox · 13/09/2026 16:08

No. I’m saying how things are for me. I appreciate that a lot around this topic is divisive and generational.

It's offensive to your generation to assume it's generational. As I said earlier in the thread my grandma (born in the 20s) was institutionalised around menopause and looking back she was clearly autistic. If she were alive today she'd think you were ignorant and close minded too, no doubt.

Bonden · 13/09/2026 16:10

99999xx · 13/09/2026 16:04

Ditto - we certainly didn't either.

Kids were naughty and played up, but were clamped down on and had discipline.
All had a level or respect and stood when the head came into the class. A small act that doesn't happen now, but set the tone for the school

by age 15/16 I fucking didn’t - refused to go to assembly, got reports saying “bit of a madam”, “thinks overly highly of herself” “fails to apply herself” blah blah. I got expelled simply for my “attitude” not being acceptable.

OneLilacHedgehog · 13/09/2026 16:11

BatchCookBabe · 13/09/2026 16:06

100% this. ^ I think a lot of people agree with the OP @ThisWiseRobin judging by the poll result. Almost 4 out of 5 people (of nearly 800 who have voted so far) say the OP is not being unreasonable....

Many people voting in the poll won't speak up on here for fear of retribution, and others saying 'your mask has slipped!' and 'some posters have shown their true colours lalalalala.'

I believe that most people 45-50 and older will side with/agree with the OP, and most people 40-ish and younger will be incensed at the mere suggestion that some people who are ND, may just be a bit awkward around people, and many children who have it/allegedly have it, are simply badly behaved because of their upbringing/lack of discipline.

I think Autism and ADHD are both real. I do not believe every person/child diagnosed with it actually has it. And don't get me started on the people who have self diagnosed themselves with it! Hmm

I think life is just harder than many younger people seem to acknowledge. The standards expected by young people of themselves are enormous. And when they can't meet it, they start looking for a reason why.

MyOliveStork · 13/09/2026 16:11

Bogstandardname · 13/09/2026 13:42

Can I share the taxi? People do love a label these days.

Me too!!!!

Ashmoleum · 13/09/2026 16:11

What does the diagnosis for ASD entail? Are there markers, traits, tests, and are benefits contingent on getting a formal diagnosis? Are huge resources fed into the ASD cohort, and how does that compare with other disabilities?

Those are just open questions, not asking anyone to say.

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 16:13

Ashmoleum · 13/09/2026 16:11

What does the diagnosis for ASD entail? Are there markers, traits, tests, and are benefits contingent on getting a formal diagnosis? Are huge resources fed into the ASD cohort, and how does that compare with other disabilities?

Those are just open questions, not asking anyone to say.

You don't need any diagnosis for disability benefits.