Do you force your kids to do extra-curriculars

My kids sometimes whine about it and say they don’t like it and I pull the “well I’ve paid for 6 lessons so if you don’t like it in 6 weeks you can stop but you’re not wasting my bloody money”.

They almost always are happy and excited to go the next week, sometimes it’s just a case of them not being in the mood that day.

Absolutely. In fact, I'd say being able to swim probably puts you in more danger as you're likely to be more confident around water, whereas a non-swimmer would just stay away altogether, or only paddle up to their knees etc.

I loved playing music as a kid. Like everyone did back in ye olden days, we learnt how to read music at school and one year I asked for a keyboard for my birthday. I taught myself how to play it and really enjoyed it. My parents decided I should have piano lessons so was taken to a piano teacher every Tuesday afternoon and I absolutely hated every minute. I wasn't interested in the "formal" aspects of any of it, I just wanted to play music for fun. My parents insisted I go but for the last 3 lessons I just sat there and did nothing.

The point of that ramble is once what used to be fun turns into a chore then it's game over, the joy is lost. Insisting that your child carries on when she isn't enjoying it anymore risks her losing her love of playing. Let her sit it out for a while then wait until she asks to go back.

I think you get more adults who think their parents should have pushed them harder, than adults who think ‘I’m so glad my parents let me quit X’

My sister still nurses a grudge that my parents - who let us do whatever we wanted, never nagged us about homework etc - let her quit a sport she really excelled at and also let her get away with doing no work at all so her academic results absolutely did not reflect her potential.

The whole point is that children do not always know what is best for them, and we have to cajole/motivate/nag them into courses of action we think benefit them. Our parents were wonderful people but they did do us DC a disservice that we find it incredibly difficult to ‘push through’ when we find anything hard because we were always allowed to quit immediately, and our educations and hobbies were seen as solely individual responsibilities.

Now I have kids I see how I have to build this capacity in them, and how one ‘sees’ long term benefits much more easily than the other so I have to approach them differently.

How this relates to piano and your DD is a different question, as I also don’t think DC should have to stick at everything they ever pick up! I suppose you will have your own weighting of what you value as family, your DD’s skill set and whether she’s doing anything else that demonstrates the value of sticking with something.

In our house we have hobbies we insist on (an instrument, a sport and the language of the country we live in), then outside that DC can pick up and drop as they like.

Music is a funny one because it requires so much work in the early stages with not a lot of fun. All of mine sang in a choir (the most accessible way into the joy of music and performance I think, primary school choirs can sound amazing, primary school orchestras not so much), two played violin (one for only a year and that was enough for her to know she didn't enjoy it) but only one is still doing music in 6th form, she did GCSE music, has played violin (doesn't any more, she loved orchestra, hated practicing and doing grades), piano (this is strictly just for fun although she plays at a decent standard, she gets on really well with her teacher and thanks to learning to read music while playing violin made quick progress initially), and has singing lessons. Singing is her real passion, and she loves performing. Playing instruments has helped with the reading music and music theory which supports her singing. And she likes being able to play and sing together.

I guess this is a long way of saying playing an instrument isn't for everyone, not every instrument is for everyone and even a musical child can take time to find their instrument.