Do you force your kids to do extra-curriculars

Swimming is the only non-negotiable activity in our house.

My Mum sent me to piano lessons, so hated it, had zero natural flair. She allowed me to quite despite telling me I’d regret the t in later life, I have zero regrets. I did however love other things like guides and martial arts and it allowed me to develop more social skills. I’m a there a compromise like this? Think about what she enjoys and shows natural ability for. It doesn’t need to be piano or nothing at all

DS has to do swimming lessons but everything else he tries is optional and he is not forced to do anything - except for if the activity is paid for in advance then he must complete it (exception would be for bullying etc).

He has tried various activities and sports and has found his tribe, as it were, in three particular activities (plus swim lessons). He’s happy and enjoying them. If he wasn’t already doing a sport we would keep trying as I believe it’s important to be active and fit as a child.

In your case, I would encourage your DD to give it 2-3 lessons more and then reevaluate. However, I may be biased because aged 9 I was forced to start piano lessons and the interest wore off after a couple of months. Three (3!) years later and I still absolutely hated it, would not practice unless my parents literally stood over me - I hated it, didn't do the theory homework, and did not progress to even sitting the first level exam. So, forcing me to play backfired and they lost money through lessons and buying the piano. I’m now in my 50’s and still have no interest in playing the piano.

As an adult I would not appreciate anyone dictating to me so why do this to children? All I say is to persevere in trying different things to find something that sticks as I think it’s important to have an interest or two outside of school.

Do not make your child do an extra curricular they don't want to do. It's a bad experience for everyone - the child, the teacher and if its a class all the other learners.

Yabu. She is only 8 and has a hobby. What about swimming lessons?

@Aplaceinthesunallweekend could she perhaps learn a different instrument instead? My DD is 10 and asked go stop piano for now but instead is learning flute.

Its good to try lots of different things when they're young to find what they like!

She might not- l was forced to do music and gave up the minute l could - l don't thank my parents if anything, l resent them for making me miserable at the time.

Tricky op cos if l let me daughter do nothing, she would do nothing. So I give her the choice of a sports club so she has chosen swimming. Of she decided to give that up, l'd expect her to choose so.ething else so still her choice.

I force my child to do other extra curriculars because if she didn’t her life would be entirely horse riding and I don’t think that’s healthy. However, she can choose what those extra curricular are, as long as one involves some kind of team activity.

I wouldn’t force a specific extra curricular such as music though. Let her find what she actually loves.

I think it’s really shit parenting to force a child to do an activity that they have expressed they don’t want to do. No, they won’t thank you for it when they’re older, despite those who think they will 🙄

I do insist on both my kids doing some kind of sport / exercise out of school because it is so important for health and I want them to build the habit

Music on the other hand... I went to the sort of school where all the mums would compare who had got to grade whatever. Like all of my peers I was forced into lessons. As adults not one of us still plays an instrument. I think it was a total waste of time and money, TBH.

I think kids should be given the opportunity to try out an instrument but if they don't enjoy it, I don't see the point. Real middle class affectation in my view

I think it’s a sign of class anxiety in the parents a lot of the time.

My son goes to a martial arts class. He wasn't keen and was asking to give it up. Then he got picked on by a kid at school and he was able to use his martial arts to get the kid off him when they grabbed him. He then actually thanked me for pushing him to stick with it. He still doesn't love the class always but he is starting to see the value in it. This week he was admiring the six pack it is giving him. I'm not sure what the answer is really but I think it's worth trying to motivate them to continue if you feel it is worth it enough.

I don't see the point of forcing a child to do anything. Mine tried several, had dropped them all bar ballet by 8. I do not understand this "swimming is non negotiable" stance on MN. Teach child to swim and float, teach water safety. No need for 8 years of boring lessons.

There’s no point in clogging up time with something she doesn’t want to do when she could be pursuing something where she shines.

My DD gave up choir (in fairness, she hasn’t a note in her head and we were glad to leave that one behind) and brownies, and joined gymnastics where she went on to compete successfully at regional and national level until she left school for uni. She now competes for the uni in a related sport and gets to travel all over the UK competing in inter-varsities. She also became a qualified coach and earns a small income from it.

If the horse is dead don’t keep flogging it. She can always go back to piano in the future if she wants.

The type of activity (other than learning to swim to a decent level of competence) was optional. Doing activities wasn’t. Having worked in youth mental health and youth justice, the devil makes work for idle hands is a saying that pretty much rings true in my experience. There is a tonne of research showing the benefits of having interests (whether sport, music, or creative) through later childhood and adolescence…. And I can count on about one hand the amount of teens I worked with in custody who were actively engaged in sports or other clubs/interests. I didn’t mind if my kids did soccer, badminton, lawn bowls, poetry club, the drums, or drawing classes, but doing nothing wasn’t an option!

If she's been doing piano for just under a year then she has an idea of what's involved and can go back to it in future if she wishes. If a child doesn't have a natural flair for it, and really dislikes the activity, then why force it when there are so many other activities out there?

I agree with those saying that sports/team exercise is important and clubs like brownies, etc. Since piano is a solitary activity she might prefer one where she can interact with others and depending on her character, she might prefer a more energetic class.

I think you should let her know that if she wants to drop piano then she can, but give her a list of alternative activities available in your area and ask her which one she wants to take part in. She might not like the piano but instead you might find she's a skilled soccer player or great at some creative/craft related activity.

You’ve completely missed the point about the value of learning an instrument.

I think it’s shit parenting to have a parenting mentality like yours. The child is 8 and far too young to decide that she doesn’t want to do something.

op, give her a few more sessions to settle in again. If she doesn’t want to play piano then she should try another instrument. Playing an instrument is something wonderful you can give your child if you can afford it.

my kids attend a school where playing an instrument is compulsory. It’s a top London school so they clearly know the benefits. The school concerts are amazing, every child whether good or not is clapped for, encouraged and made to feel very proud of themselves.

I’d ask her to try it until October half term then she if she still doesn’t want to do it she can quit and try something else.
I have never forced my DC to do anything (apart from swimming lessons) as long as they have given it a good try.

Not everyone places value on the same things.

I learnt piano for years as a kid - I can't remember any of it now and I can't say it improved my life in any way either.

I didn't notice swimming was a thing on MN. For me swimming is a life skill. They have been lots of tragic deaths this summer in England.

Its better to learn to swim as a child rather than an adult. It does not take "8 years".

I haven't read all of the posts but try to encourage her to persevere you can - maybe revisit at Christmas? I gave up very soon into learning as a child (long story but my mum let me stop immediately). 30 years later I am finally back in piano lessons but I so wish I'd been encouraged to continue when I was younger!

And yet most people who drown can swim. They don’t drown because they aren’t competent swimmers, and they’re very seldom swimming when they drown, they drown because they fell into water unexpectedly, of cold water shock, caught in currents, and/or because because they’re fully clad in ways that make it harder to use their swimming knowledge, because there are drugs or alcohol impeding their judgement and ability to swim or keep afloat.

I think believing that being able to swim is likely to keep you from drowning is a delusion.

Years ago DS started going to Beavers. After going a couple of times he said he wanted to give up. I said he should keep going a few more times before deciding to give up. Not only did he stick with Beavers, he then went to Cubs, Scouts and Explorer Scouts. I genuinely think it enriched his life. So I do think it is worth pushing children to stick with activities a bit rather than taking them at their word the moment they express a desire to give up.

Why did she start playing piano in the first place; was it because she wanted to? My 13-year-old DS has been playing piano for seven years and there have been points where it was a downright slog for him and he didn’t enjoy it as much. He did an exam at the end of last term and it was a lot of work so he’s relaxing now and learning some Minecraft music and songs from the Amazing Digital Circus instead of his usual piano repertoire. It doesn’t have to be work work work.