Affairs

Yes & no, one marriage which broke down I always knew something wasn’t right in their relationship, she was never fully relaxed or herself around him but whilst I thought the marriage would likely be short I didn’t necessarily think it would be cheating that ended it. Another marriage that ended over cheating took me by complete surprise because the DH just didn’t seem the type. Their are some husbands in our circle who I would have said are the type to cheat but nothing is out in the open so
I assume I was wrong/they matured.

I’d say if half of men have affairs then the same must be said of women because it takes two to have an affair. I know the default opinion on MN is that men are worse for doing it which is something I’ve never understood given that they need a woman to participate.

I've never known anybody who's had an affair IRL. But I live in a place where everybody knows everybody so I don't think you'd get away with it.

Well the people I know who’ve had affairs knew exactly what they were doing. I think it’s a cop out and insulting to women to say they are easy to manipulate.

I know 2 married women who had affairs but I didn’t know them very well.

The only people I know of who had an affair were a mum and a dad at school, both married to other people, and can only assume both were aware the other was married, given the circumstances.

She is still married. Not sure about him.

I actually find these comments so offensive.
You realise women are as intelligent (if not more) than men, as mentally strong, and as able? We are not silly little idiots easy to mislead. Well, some are obviously, but the majority of us are not.

It takes 2 to have an affair.

It's a ridiculous stereotype, obviously, but how often do tv shows talk about bored women having affairs with their pool guys?

Some PEOPLE have affairs. Do most men, let’s say over half, have affairs do you think? no.
Do most women, let's say over half, have affairs? no. I doubt it.

Many people are not obsessed with having sex with any random, some people have lives and have more interesting things to do 😂

perhaps you should rephrase this remark

Half of men have affairs?! Where are you getting these stats from 😂

I also think it’s pretty insulting to paint women as stupid, vulnerable, easily led, sheep.

IME it’s more women that have affairs (and no they’re not manipulated into it).

I’d probably say it’s about 50/50

I can guess a lot of the women who have affairs - they seem to love attention and it’s the extra attention they crave more than the sex.

Whereas I feel with men it’s more about sex.

I can typically take a guess of the women but many of the men I’m pretty shocked about.

It’s always the ones that I least expect (not in all cases) and I struggle with that because I know there are good men out there but these men make me lose faith.

One couple I knew she had an affair and it blindsided me. I knew they weren’t happy but didn’t think that would be how it would end, if at all. They split up and years later, despite her husband saying to me that he would never, ever get involved with a woman who was married because of his own hurt, he did. You just never can tell.

😮 O what a difference one little letter makes!

Eh? It takes two people to have sex which is where you’ve got confused. But Both people don’t have to be having an affair. Only one of them. The other one could be single. So eg five different married men could have an affair with only one (the same one) single woman.

I think many many men are only as faithful as their opportunities.

so there’s many men that would if the opportunity presented itself, however they’re very often not very appealing, so no woman is interested.

since I became single I was fairly horrified that 2 of the married men in my circle of 12 friends (6 couples) came on to me.

also the number of men on online dating who have ‘married so looking for discreet fun’ is shocking

😂😂

People can have affairs with someone who doesn’t live in their own small town/village though. Surely they don’t all work/socialise etc in the same small place?
We live in a place where everyone knows everyone, but people work all over.

It's really easy to identify habits and behaviours in people that make them high risk in terms of being capable of cheating:

• They have usually cheated before on previous partners
• They jump from relationship to relationship without much, or any, "being single" between them
• If they manage to be single in-between relationships, they fill the "void" with one night stands and casual sex
• They usually have serious vices like drinking a lot, doing drugs or smoking weed, gambling, watching porn, mental health problems, etc.
• They lack depth. Just pay attention to the topics they talk about...
• They are usually quite or very self-centered, and have a short attention span if a conversation is not about them
• They have questionable friends
• They use social media and follow a lot of people of the opposite sex - usually people who show off their body in some way
• They are good at talking and promising things, but their actions don't reflect their words - so you end up confused about their intentions. Frankly, if a person's intentions aren't crystal clear, they are a red flag you should run away from
• They are quite sex obsessed, and obsessed with the opposite sex
• They gaslight you all the time, never apologise when they make mistakes but give you explanations instead, and if they are called out on what they do wrong they become defensive - make YOU out to be the problem
• They often blow hot and cold
• They have given you a reason to doubt them...

There is literally nothing a married man could ever say to me to “manipulate” me into an affair. Over the course of my life, I’ve been propositioned by a lot of married men and I have never been flattered by it. On the contrary, I’m fucking offended! Why do they think I want to climb into bed with an outright liar who is literally demonstrating he can’t keep his promises? I’d rather shit in my hands and clap.
I loathe infidelity, it is one of the most brutal, destructive things you can legally do to another person. And a person you claim to love no less! It baffles me.
But yes, I think a lot more people, both men and women, do it than most would be comfortable to admit.

My exh left me for his affair partner and it absolutely blindsided me and everyone else. He was very much the "good guy". Hid his other side well.

IME more women have affairs than men.

Also men who have affairs tend to have affairs with single women, and single men don’t generally get involved with married women.

Whereas women don’t seem to care whether a man is married or not if she’s going to have an elicit relationship with him.

The difference is that most women don’t tend to admit they’re having an affair because they do seem to care what people think, whereas men will openly admit to cheating a lot of the time.

We assume women are less likely to cheat, they’re just more discrete about it.

This is a good list.
I would add ‘selfish’ to it.
if you show your hand as being selfish (at something completely different) at the beginning of a relationship you are outing yourself as someone who will put their own wants above all else. And thus, affair down the line.