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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Affairs

90 replies

Sheerluxee · 12/09/2026 15:57

Has anyone been able to predict if any of their relatives or friends’ DH,l would have an affair?

Do most men, let’s say over half, have affairs do you think?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 17:59

AnnaQuayRules · 13/09/2026 16:50

I'm very sorry you've had such poor experiences with men.

I know lots of men who have never had an affair, including my husband.

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Have you read the relationship section of this forum where women say the exact same as you - my husband was a great man, none of would’ve ever thought he’d have cheated, but he has been? Countless.

OP posts:

Ooohaaahjustalittlebit · 13/09/2026 18:06

So many married men used to hit on me when I was in my twenties despite me doing nothing to encourage it. I shut them down but have ever since assumed that most men would have affairs if they could find a willing woman

DailyPlanner · 13/09/2026 18:11

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 17:57

Honestly are you ok?

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You are the one who started the thread, and you want people to agree with you. Why is that?

TheSunIsAlwaysThere · 13/09/2026 18:14

moonraker0 · 12/09/2026 16:14

I’d say if half of men have affairs then the same must be said of women because it takes two to have an affair. I know the default opinion on MN is that men are worse for doing it which is something I’ve never understood given that they need a woman to participate.

Same as men are studs but women are sluts when they sleep with more than a couple of people.

Original poster

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 18:42

DailyPlanner · 13/09/2026 18:11

You are the one who started the thread, and you want people to agree with you. Why is that?

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Ok, you’re not ok lol

OP posts:

DestituteDesperate · 13/09/2026 18:47

Not a family member but a close family friend, I was reprimanded as a teenager for telling my maternal grandmother she spent a lot of time with ‘uncle’ aka another family friend but that wasn’t her husband.

Even as 15 year old it was beyond obvious and the looks, subtle touches were not how I expected any married person to behave but everyone swept it under the rug and when I mentioned it, I was told off due to consequences that could happen due to baseless rumours.

She ended up leaving her husband for ‘uncle’ when she became pregnant with presumably, ‘uncles’ child a few years later.

Apparently the time line they gave didn’t match when I flagged to my grandmother but, you know!

DailyPlanner · 13/09/2026 19:39

Sheerluxee · 13/09/2026 18:42

Ok, you’re not ok lol

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Feel free to reply and tell us what you hope to get from the thread?

moonraker0 · 13/09/2026 20:13

Marycontrarygarden · 12/09/2026 19:33

The maths doesn't math....the woman doesn't necessarily need to be in a relationship.

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So what about married women having affairs with single men? Or does this not happen? You can’t say one gender is worse than the other, I think women are more intelligent and better at hiding it.

YourRoseFinch · 14/09/2026 09:35

JoinSomething · 12/09/2026 19:30

IME more women have affairs than men.

Also men who have affairs tend to have affairs with single women, and single men don’t generally get involved with married women.

Whereas women don’t seem to care whether a man is married or not if she’s going to have an elicit relationship with him.

The difference is that most women don’t tend to admit they’re having an affair because they do seem to care what people think, whereas men will openly admit to cheating a lot of the time.

We assume women are less likely to cheat, they’re just more discrete about it.

Absolutely. Men are actually much more ethical about being homewreckers. I would say I don't know of any single men that would go for married women even for casual sex, knowing they are married. But I know of at least four women in my circle who got involved with married men with young children with absolutely no regard AT ALL for the family involved.

Completely self absorbed. I would say about half of both married men and women cheat at some point because that seems to be about the number of marriages that are unhappy and everyone has a breaking point.

YourRoseFinch · 14/09/2026 09:37

moonraker0 · 13/09/2026 20:13

So what about married women having affairs with single men? Or does this not happen? You can’t say one gender is worse than the other, I think women are more intelligent and better at hiding it.

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It's very rare. Most married women have affairs with other married men.

ZanyMobster · 14/09/2026 11:06

Ooohaaahjustalittlebit · 13/09/2026 18:06

This 100%. Even now there are loads of men at the sports club I am involved in that are in relationships but still interested in other women. The single ones are definitely interested in the married women also.

I think if offered on a plate and there is an opportunity of somewhere to go that there are very few men who wouldn't.

DebbieSavage · 16/09/2026 09:51

AnnaQuayRules · 13/09/2026 16:50

I'm very sorry you've had such poor experiences with men.

I know lots of men who have never had an affair, including my husband.

Show quote history

Yeah, you just don't know about it yet. Sorry.

CleanShirt · 16/09/2026 16:46

AnnaQuayRules · 13/09/2026 16:50

I'm very sorry you've had such poor experiences with men.

I know lots of men who have never had an affair, including my husband.

Show quote history

I used to say this. Until he did.

MyGirlJ · 16/09/2026 16:58

arethereanyleftatall · 12/09/2026 19:22

I think many many men are only as faithful as their opportunities.

so there’s many men that would if the opportunity presented itself, however they’re very often not very appealing, so no woman is interested.

since I became single I was fairly horrified that 2 of the married men in my circle of 12 friends (6 couples) came on to me.

also the number of men on online dating who have ‘married so looking for discreet fun’ is shocking

I can attest to this. Since I got divorced i've been propositioned by so many married men. Old friends, work colleagues, tradesmen etc. It's been very disconcerting and they must think I'm a desperate divorcee - I'm not. I just think that a lot of men are very opportunistic, and if they think there's even the smallest chance you'll sleep with them, they'll try and get you into bed.

NotMajorTom · 16/09/2026 17:40

DebbieSavage · 16/09/2026 09:51

Yeah, you just don't know about it yet. Sorry.

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You are ridiculous

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