To feel this mum should take her turn?

Why don't you give a permission slip for your daughter to leave unaccompanied and for her to go to her friend's house each day where you will pick her up at a specified time. They can either spend time at the park or at the friend's home while waiting for you to pick up your DD. That way, the other mum is not inconvenienced and neither are you.

Erm, the other girl's mum might not want OP's daughter round or her daughter at the park every single schoolday. That's a massive imposition.

The other mum is inconvenienced by having another child in the house every day after school.

The other mum lives close to school and doesn't need to do anything. Its not her fault you live somewhere else. You don't have to let your daughter go to the park. I'm not sure I understand what you have in mind? Surely your child has to be brought home from school by you every day? Are you suggesting someone who lives near school should take your child all the way to your house becase she wanted to hang around in a park near school with her child? I think in your shoes I'd say something like Fridays only, and as long as its not raining!

Well hopefully the reason she doesn’t do that is because she’s not an enormous CF who assumes another parent will happily look after her child every single day?

It would be on the same basis as "playing out " children popping in. The children amuse themselves, no onus on the parent to do anything.

This does make most sense - just agree that Tuesday and Thursday (or whatever) are park days or OP's DC can go back to the other parent's house. i expect park days will get knocked on the head by half term at latest anyway due to the dark/bad weather, and then hopefully by the time they come round again in the summer OP's DC can just get the bus on their own. so it's not really a huge deal.

Agree with PPs about this, but just wanted to add that this will be a non issue by next July regardless, and they won't be going to the park regularly in the dark, wet, winter months either. So it's not a situation that's got longevity anyway.

I think its time maybe you stopped letting your daughter decide on a whim that ye are going to the park. How could you ever go later if this all gets arranged during school and you're just told about it when you get to the school?

Could you maybe ask the other girls mum if it's OK 1 day a week for both your DDs to go to the park after school then walk back to her house and you pick her up from there at an agreed time? Then 1 other day you could go and supervise them?

I have kids of around this age, have their friends over often, and have never once experienced a visit from another child that didn’t require me to do anything!

Your bigger issue is really that you’re out of catchment so your child’s friend is probably doing what is typical for her local peers and you are much further away. Your distance isn’t really her problem. She’s happy for the friend to walk home and go to the park on route. If that isn’t practical for you, you either have to say no or send in a permission slip that your child can leave independently on x days and you collect in the park.

The other mother is clearly getting her dd ready first secondary school. I’d be annoyed that you were supervising her at the park if she was my dd.

I agree with previous posters. The other mum had now graduated to a place where she can allow her child a little independence to walk hone from school and play in the park. She should not have to regress tin order o supervise another person's child. If you are going to helicopter your daughter don't seek to involve the other mum. At age 11 I was travelling alone across LIverpool to see my grandmother - a 30 minute bus journey. No phones then.

So say no, it doesn’t suit you?

You're making this so much more difficult than it needs to be.

DD: Mum, we're going to the park with friend now.
YOU: No, we are going straight home today.
DD: URGHHH but we already arranged it!
YOU: Not with me you didn't.
DD: I hate you.
YOU: Oh well. Look, there's the bus, let's go.

As a parent, you need to use boundaries at times. It's not ok for your DD to frequently make plans like this without consulting you first. Speak with your DD and tell her that from now on, her & her friend can only go to the park after school once per week (or frequency of your choosing). The other 4 days are straight home.

This has got nothing to do with the other mum, and everything to do with your lack of parenting/boundary setting.

I thought that was self-evident, OP.

Sorry you found yourself in such a difficult situation with housing. I think a ‘dumb’ phone for your daughter if you can manage it might be a good idea for situations like this. Plus speaking to the school about pre-arranged permission for her to leave without you. Then pre-plan the park outings or other get together. I know it’s nice to be spontaneous but it’s not very practical in your situation (unless you want to be cold in the park).

I’m always doing favours for my kid’s friends’ parents and uncomplainingly do far more lifts and hosting than any other parent. Even I would not be offering to go to the park to watch your child because you won’t give her a phone, won’t let her leave school alone, you won’t let her be unsupervised and you live far away. Those are your choices and it’s for you to deal with the consequences. I’d have taken turns when it was mutually beneficial ie when both kids needed supervising but not just as a never ending favour to you. I’m afraid these sorts of arrangements change over time, especially when kids start year six and seven.

Not inconvenienced?! By a primary age kid in my house making noise, mess, using my facilities and in fact just being there? I welcome my children’s friends all the time, but not daily, unreciprocated and on the whim of the children.

Like hell would I be agreeing to an eleven year old kid coming round every evening so her mother wasn’t inconvenienced by her own choices.

Let your DD go to the park with her friend. You arrange to collect them later, say 30 mins after school finishes. They don’t need to be watched if they have phones and are near friends house.

I've read this a few times because I feel like I must be misunderstanding your suggestion.
You can't just send your primary aged child to someone else's house every day after school and think that the parent won't be inconvenienced 😳

What do you mean "just agree" that your child will go to another person's house twice a week?

You're assuming that the OP hasn't cleared this with the friend's mother, who just might be fine with the idea. She also said that her daughter's friend has a key for the house. It might even be that the mother isn't at home. I've no idea. But the OP was asking for suggestions of how to deal with this situation. One is to see if the other mum just might be happy with this happening on a couple of days in the week. Those of you becoming apoplectic about a 9-year girl spending a half hour in their home after school are the ones being ridiculous.

This! Exactly 💯

I think the OP would have mentioned if she’d agreed with the mother that her daughter could go back to her house every say…

Surely you must have made arrangements in advance if you used to take it in turns with the other mum? Is that not possible now?

You can give your DD permission to leave the school without you at the gate and go to play at the park. You can get your DD a phone. Yes she'll be a bus ride away if she gets hurt, but that is going to be the case the moment you actually give her a smidge of independence. She will still be okay. It's in the nature of not being joined at the hip to an adult. If it's actually serious other people, like her friend, can call you or, in the worst case, get an ambulance. Expecting another mum to come out and supervise your DD because you don't want to and don't trust her or want to put in place the things she needs to be independent is always going to sound unreasonable.

You might also consider - is she really too young to get the bus home if you coach her? 10 year olds are normally pretty capable.

If you're still uncomfortable with your DD doing this, I wonder - Did you chose this school across the city, or were you just unfortunate in school placement? I'm asking because if you chose it I'd suggest focusing on the fact you're getting all the things you chose it for and see this as just a small price to pay for getting that.

At their age it isn't usual to have supervision at the park.