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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel this mum should take her turn?

188 replies

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 15:51

Daughter is in year 6 and has a friend who she often goes to the park with after school, me and her mum have generally taken it in turns to take both girls.

However this year her daughter is allowed to walk home from school as they only live a few minutes walk and the park is on the way, her daughter has a phone.

I do not live near the school and it’s too far from my house to let her walk so I have to get a bus to collect my daughter and then she often wants to go to the park with this friend, so because she walks home she will text her mum and her mum will say yes she can and I end up having to take them and stand around while they play while her mum always stays at home instead of taking it in turns and I can pick her up later? s

OP posts:
Doctordoolittle · 11/09/2026 16:11

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:05

I am probably being unreasonable but it would be nice if she would occasionally do it if it was pre arranged so I could come and collect her a bit later.
I think I would have done if it was the other way around.

You can pre arrange it with your daughter that she goes to the park with her friend, and then you pick your daughter up later?

SpiderJelly · 11/09/2026 16:12

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:09

The children arrange this at school so I am already at the gate before they come out and ask, we live the other side of the city.

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Then arrange it in advance and then you can pick up from the park later? I can’t see any reason why the mum needs to come out and supervise at the park when she’s happy for her child to be there unsupervised.

Ponderingwindow · 11/09/2026 16:12

You seem to be missing the part where the mother is fine with the child walking home by herself. Park stop or no, she doesn’t require supervision for this block of time.

Sartre · 11/09/2026 16:13

How far on the bus? Could your DD start getting the bus alone now? Good preparation for secondary school next year really.

Original poster
hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:15

Doctordoolittle · 11/09/2026 16:11

You can pre arrange it with your daughter that she goes to the park with her friend, and then you pick your daughter up later?

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Yes that would be easier but because my daughter doesn’t walk home from school on her own the school won’t let her leave without me being at the gate.

OP posts:
Relaxemente · 11/09/2026 16:15

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SpiderJelly · 11/09/2026 16:16

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:15

Yes that would be easier but because my daughter doesn’t walk home from school on her own the school won’t let her leave without me being at the gate.

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In year 6? That’s unusual. I’ve never known a school not allow year 6s to not be able to leave alone. It’s good practice for secondary school.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 11/09/2026 16:17

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:09

The children arrange this at school so I am already at the gate before they come out and ask, we live the other side of the city.

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Say no every time it isn't prearranged and agreed. They will soon learn if they want to go to the park they must arrange it first not just when they feel like it.

You could even check the weather for the following day at the gates, and if it unexpectedly pours with rain then you go collect your child as normal because their plans will have to be postponed.

Or get your child a brick phone too.

ETA after update on school, why won't they let her leave? Working parents wouldn't be able to be at the school gate for year 6 and they would be getting a bus themselves at that age.

Relaxemente · 11/09/2026 16:18

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Original poster
hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:18

SpiderJelly · 11/09/2026 16:16

In year 6? That’s unusual. I’ve never known a school not allow year 6s to not be able to leave alone. It’s good practice for secondary school.

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Not here, they have to have a permission slip.

OP posts:
SpiderJelly · 11/09/2026 16:18

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ah yes, I missed that 😂

Backpain2026 · 11/09/2026 16:18

You need to tell the school she is allowed to walk home by herself.

Then let her go to the park with a friend.

And either meet her later and go home on the bus together.

Or let her get a bus home.

The other parent is happy for her child to go to the park unsupervised, so of course she isn't going to go and supervise

SpiderJelly · 11/09/2026 16:18

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:18

Not here, they have to have a permission slip.

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Then give a permission slip?

TeenToTwenties · 11/09/2026 16:18

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:15

Yes that would be easier but because my daughter doesn’t walk home from school on her own the school won’t let her leave without me being at the gate.

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Even if you ring and let them know?

Backpain2026 · 11/09/2026 16:19

So fill in a permission slip.. it's not difficult

concertinacornflake · 11/09/2026 16:23

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:09

The children arrange this at school so I am already at the gate before they come out and ask, we live the other side of the city.

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You just need to tell your DD any park plans need to be made in advance.

This angst is self-created!

DrNeededInInflatorRoom · 11/09/2026 16:23

I think a compromise would be to have set days arranged for them to go to the park after school so you know to pick up your dd later. Tell your dd that her and her friend need to decide which days will be ‘park days’ and they have to stick to it or give you enough notice of any changes I.e they can’t decide on the day at school as there no way of letting you know. It’s a good way for your dd to learn about consideration for others when making plans and gain a bit of independence.

It does seem unreasonable to ask the other mum when she is clearly fine with her dd walking home and going to the park after school and it’s only an issue because you live further away and have to get a bus.

It’s normal for schools to need parental permission for children to be allowed to walk home alone in year 6. At my dc’s school we just had to send a quick email to the teacher. Quick and easy.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/09/2026 16:25

Sign a permission slip saying happy for her to leave school /walk home

or

tell dd she can’t arrange things/meets on the day and if you are at school she can’t go to the park

or give her a little freedom and meet her at the park regardless

Franpie · 11/09/2026 16:27

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:09

The children arrange this at school so I am already at the gate before they come out and ask, we live the other side of the city.

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Then I don’t get it, how would the mum help in this situation? You would still already be at the school when the park trip is arranged so would still just be hanging around to take your DD home?

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 11/09/2026 16:27

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:18

Not here, they have to have a permission slip.

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So give your DD permission Hmm

EverytimeItPours · 11/09/2026 16:28

Franpie · 11/09/2026 16:27

Then I don’t get it, how would the mum help in this situation? You would still already be at the school when the park trip is arranged so would still just be hanging around to take your DD home?

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Good point!

fiorentina · 11/09/2026 16:31

But you don’t need to be at the park with them. Arrange a time to collect your daughter after she’s played. It’s a great opportunity to get more independence.

Original poster
hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:34

Thank you for the replies I think the issue is the other friend has a phone and a key and lives on the way home to the park so she can call her mum but my daughter if she arranged a play then I have no way of knowing if she went or not and she has nobody nearby if she has an accident so even with a phone if she’s hurt I would be a bus ride away from her.

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 11/09/2026 16:36

I have a teen and miss these days. So I’d try and enjoy it. Flask of tea and a book? Like another poster said, it’ll be half term soon and this will probably stop.

invite the girl over now and then and the mum can pick her up from yours? They get to play and you don’t have to sit in the cold.

maybe after Christmas think about your daughter getting the bus once or twice a week in readiness for secondary.

EverytimeItPours · 11/09/2026 16:36

hoodrally · 11/09/2026 16:34

Thank you for the replies I think the issue is the other friend has a phone and a key and lives on the way home to the park so she can call her mum but my daughter if she arranged a play then I have no way of knowing if she went or not and she has nobody nearby if she has an accident so even with a phone if she’s hurt I would be a bus ride away from her.

Which is really why you have to be the one to be there, it can’t be on the other mum