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To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

660 replies

Jacobator · 11/09/2026 13:19

Sorry this is long and probably doesnt make much sense but i am so fed up and dont really know if im being unreasonable anymore.

I have 2 boys, 12 and 9, both have additional needs although they are very different. DS2 has always been harder in school but usually he manages and we have never had anything like this before. Since going back this September he has apparently been having what they call explosive behaviour and he has now been sent home several times. One day they rang me before lunch and said i needed to collect him because he wasnt able to calm down and they didnt have the staff to keep him safe.

I did collect him because what else can i do, but then its happening again and again. Yesterday they rang and said basically they cant meet his needs at the moment. I said well what does that actually mean because he is supposed to be in school and not sitting at home with me because you dont have enough staff.

They keep saying they are not excluding him and that its a “temporary arrangement” while they look at what support he needs. Sorry but if my child is being told to stay at home because school cant cope with him, what exactly do they think an exclusion is??

I have asked about his support plan and whether they have actually done everything that is in it and i get lots of meetings and people saying they are concerned but nobody seems to actually have an answer. I dont want to keep having arguments with the school because obviously DS has to go there and i dont want things getting worse for him, but i also cant just accept him being kept home every time he has a meltdown.

DH thinks im making this harder than it needs to be and says we should look at specialist provision. I know he might be right but i dont want DS2 being put somewhere just because his current school doesnt want the bother. His brother is at the same school and they are very close, and DS2 already feels different enough without being taken away and told he needs a special school.

And before anyone says we should just pay for extra help, we actually do. Between therapy, assessments, things for school, transport and other bits we are spending over £2,000 a month at the moment. Yes i know thats a lot. We arent sitting on a pile of money, it is coming out of our savings and some of the things are because we have been told to get them privately because waiting lists are ridiculous. Im not saying that means the school owes us anything, just that its frustrating to constantly be told to get more support when we are already trying everything we can.

I am not pretending DS is easy. He can be very difficult when he is overwhelmed and i know the other children need to be safe too. But surely the answer cant just be send him home until he behaves normally? He cant learn how to manage school if he isnt actually allowed to be at school.

DH says im refusing to accept that he needs specialist help and maybe i am. I just feel like once we go down that road thats it, he gets labelled and everyone gives up trying to make mainstream work.

So AIBU to be pushing back on this and saying they cant keep sending him home because they “cant cope”? Or am i the one refusing to accept reality here?

OP posts:
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Jacobator · 11/09/2026 17:12

Waytoohothot · 11/09/2026 16:53

Your son is not the schools responsibility hes yours and they need to keep other children and staff safe, it sounds like your son doesnt want to go And has control, maybe a SEN school would be better and if he does well maybe he can transfer back but saying the school are at fault and its their problem is not the solition

I havent said the school are responsible for raising him though. Obviously he is my responsibility and i am the one dealing with all of this at home, but he is also their pupil for the hours he is there and he has an EHCP which they are supposed to be supporting.

I dont think he is simply deciding he doesnt want to go and then behaving badly so i come and get him. If that was the case he would be doing it every day and it wouldnt have suddenly started after the summer. He actually gets upset about being sent home because he knows everyone has seen what happened.

And yes they absolutely need to keep the other children and staff safe. I have said that several times. Im not asking them to let him throw furniture around and just carry on teaching.

What i dont agree with is the idea that because he has had some very bad incidents this month it automatically means he needs a SEN school. Maybe he does, i honestly dont know yet.

I also dont think moving him somewhere else and then maybe transferring him back if he does well is as simple as that. These decisions affect everything and its not like changing schools is moving him to a different classroom for a few weeks.

I am trying to work with the school, thats why im asking what has changed and what they think we should do. I just dont think “he cant cope so take him home” is enough of a plan.

If they think he needs specialist provision then fine, lets have that conversation properly and look at what is available. But until then he still needs to be educated somewhere and i dont think it should just become my problem because he is difficult to manage.

OP posts:
Genevieva · 11/09/2026 17:14

Children in school need to be ready to learn. If your son doesn’t respond to what the school can reasonably offer to facilitate that, then you need to pick him up. School is not a childminding service.

Terfedout · 11/09/2026 17:15

Hello.

I have a son who was very similar to yours at school. The reason he wasn't sent home all the time was because he had pretty much a full time TA with him. That meant that he could be taken away before he interrupted anyone else's learning.

It's easier said than done but have they applied for that funding as part of the ehcp to be able to get one? We were very lucky in that my son got part funding for 1, and the school covered the rest. I do appreciate this isn't always possible for a school, but I do think that is the solution. He often had to share the TA with another child, but at least they were mostly there.

If it gives you any hope, primary was much harder than secondary. The secondary school seemed much better set up for this. They had an inclusion area where he could go when he was struggling with the big class, and he could continue doing things like maths and English there in a much smaller group with much more support. No ones learning was disrupted then, neither his nor the rest of the class.

Mine used to especially struggle at class changeovers, and unstructured lessons, thing like form class in the morning. Because of the inclusion area, he could go there and avoid these and as a result was much better regulated when in his normal lessons.

It's so hard. I had so much anxiety at the time. But it sounds like you are doing everything you can yourself. X

Wadsworthy · 11/09/2026 17:16

I dont want to blame the teacher because i dont actually know her and DS isnt exactly the most reliable witness when hes angry lol. But it does seem a very big coincidence that everything has changed since he went into her class.

It sounds very much as though you are blaming this teacher. She's been teaching him for, what, about a week? and there are 30 or so other DC who also deserve that the teacher learn who they are, and how best they learn.

YABU to blame it on the change in teacher, and to refuse to consider a specialist school, while expecting a teacher to know immediately your DS's triggers, and focus on those instead of teaching the whole class.

roaringdragon · 11/09/2026 17:16

HopefulBeliever · 11/09/2026 16:53

For what it’s worth I just wanted to mention this as someone who sees it from the other side.

Just because a child has an EHCP doesn’t mean the school get funding for everything necessary. For example, I have seen EHCPs recommending 1-2-1 support and they come with funding of £5,000 per year. How on earth are a school meant to fund 1-2-1 for a child on that? They don’t necessarily have reserve funding to cover the difference which is substantial on many occasions.

It also isn’t provided when the EHCP is issued - I have known occasions where it took 9-12 months for the school to receive the funding from the LA. So how on earth are the school meant to fund anything in the meantime?

My point is that school in your case are more than likely not to be over staffed to the point they have someone available to be with him 1-2-1 when he needs it to help regulate, that’s why they need your support. I agree that if you can come and help him regulate he should go back to class if possible.

Funding is currently so dire in schools it is becoming unusual to have a full time TA in each class. And there can be many conflicting needs that have to be juggled. And for the other children it is scary if things have been thrown - for some children this would make them scared to go.

All I would say is this. Please work with the school. You say they were good with your other child. They can support you in getting the EHCP reviewed and you can support them trying to get extra intervention or support for him.

However, I wouldn’t totally discount what your DH is saying. It may come to this and it may be good to research and have better knowledge of your options.

i wish you the best.

OP should focus on the provision detailed, specified and quantified in F rather than the funding. That way, the provision can be enforced if necessary. The LA is ultimately responsible for ensuring the provision is provided, that includes ensuring there is sufficient funding. That duty is absolute and non-delegable. As LAs have been shown, lack of resources, staffing or funding isn’t a lawful excuse for breaching their duties under section 42 of the Children and Families Act 2014.

As a pp said, schools can also look to take legal action.

Octavia64 · 11/09/2026 17:17

AhMh67 · 11/09/2026 15:52

my Granddaughter is on the spectrum and was a nightmare at school. She learned to kick off and get sent home. What I did was bring her home and she did nothing. No treats gadgets tv anything. Just sitting she lasted a week and is now back in school full time. She realised it wasn't an easy ride it was total boredom.

My daughter is on the spectrum. She had difficulties at school.

when she was out of school (no screens) she fucking loved it and didn’t go back for three years.

she learnt that her and school are not a good fit and she’s much happier out of school.

now has a physics degree from Newcastle.

keeping a kid off school and bored won’t teach then to love school if they experience it as anxiety inducing

Wadsworthy · 11/09/2026 17:18

But until then he still needs to be educated somewhere and i dont think it should just become my problem because he is difficult to manage.

He's your son! Of course it's your problem.

Jacobator · 11/09/2026 17:19

Genevieva · 11/09/2026 17:14

Children in school need to be ready to learn. If your son doesn’t respond to what the school can reasonably offer to facilitate that, then you need to pick him up. School is not a childminding service.

I know school isnt a childminding service, im not asking them to just look after him while he does whatever he wants.

The whole point of his EHCP is because he doesnt always manage things in the same way as other children. If being “ready to learn” meant every child had to already be completely regulated and able to manage everything before school would support them then there wouldnt be much point in having SEN provision would there.

He does respond to things they offer sometimes, he just doesnt always manage to use them once hes already completely overwhelmed. Thats what im trying to get the school to look at.

And obviously if they ring me saying they cant keep him safe then im going to go and get him. Im not going to leave a distressed 9 year old sitting somewhere because im making a point. I just dont think that should become the normal arrangement every time he struggles.

I also dont think its fair to say he isnt ready to learn at all. He was learning last year and was managing reasonably well. He has only started having these incidents since September, which is why im trying to work out what has changed rather than just deciding he cant cope in mainstream.

If the answer is that the environment isnt suitable anymore then ok, we need to look at that. But surely there is a bit of work to do before we get to that conclusion.

And for what its worth, i dont expect the teacher to drop everything for him. I just want them to have something in place that works before he gets to the point where a chair is being thrown. Thats not childminding, its trying to prevent the situation happening in the first place.

OP posts:
Foolish1984 · 11/09/2026 17:22

MushMashMunch · 11/09/2026 13:34

It sounds very difficult. I’m not in a place to speak about what the school should or shouldn’t be doing legally and I am sympathetic to your situation however I have been having similar issues since my DS went back. He is also 9 except it’s a classmate that is having uncontrollably “anger” as the children have been told to describe it. When that happens the whole class and teacher have to go elsewhere in the school and two senior teachers step in to help the child in question. This has happened at least 5 times since they returned. My DS is a kind boy and isn’t mean about the child and we’ve spoken at home about how he must have difficulties and it’s not his fault and it’s good the teachers are helping him. It doesn’t take away from the fact that my child (and numerous others) are scared when this happens and nervous of this child having “anger”. My DS talks about it every night at bedtime as he’s clearly anxious about what will happen. They are also missing big chunk a of regular learning and even this week missed their pe lessons as the child broke down within the first 5 minutes and the gym hall was evacuated so no gym for my DS and his class.

I suppose I’m trying to say that whilst I have sympathy for your situation and your need to ensure the best provision for your child I’m aware this is happening all over the country and I wonder why no one is bothered about the other children in the classrooms witnessing this and having to process it all. I wouldn’t work with a colleague who had “anger” yet I’m expecting my DS to go and deal with that every day. The teachers too. I’ve personally witnessed our DHT being kicked and hit with some force in the playground by a child. It was scary for me as an adult walking past to see never mind the playground full of young children.

I don’t know the answer but I wish the other children in the class were also considered when deciding whether mainstream is an appropriate setting.

I’m so sorry your son has had to deal with this. I would move your son to a different school before it has long lasting effects on his education.

Littlefish · 11/09/2026 17:22

Phineyj · 11/09/2026 16:58

You are being poorly served by the school.

It's not your responsibility to come up with a plan (they haven't even let you see in the classroom!) nor to take an overview of the needs of all the children.

You suspect they're not following the EHCP. They're not doing exclusion paperwork. They are at fault.

I agree with this.

The school is at fault here.

They are illegally excluding him, and relying on the fact that the parents won’t realise.

Without the evidence of the exclusions it’s harder to prove that the school isn’t able to meet his needs.

The OP is right to contact the Local Authority and ask for a emergency/early Annual review so that the school can explain exactly how they are fulfilling the requirements of the EHCP, and why they feel the support isn’t working.

OP, I suggest you contact SENDIASS and ask for their support/advice. Every LA has a SENDIASS organisation which supports parents, but sometimes they are called something different.

Also, when you talk about potentially existing aging him privately, don’t mean an independent special school, or are you talking about a mainstream private school. If it’s the latter, then I would advise extreme caution.

Firstly, a mainstream private school is very unlikely to take a child who has aggressive/violent incidents on his record, even if those incidents are as a result of SEND/overwhelm.

if you do find a school to accept him, they will reserve the right to withdraw his place if theh feel that they can’t meet his needs. I have seen this happen several times.

There some excellent mainstream schools with a SEND resource base attached which might be a good option for your ds.

You need to speak urgently to the Inclusion team at your LA to discuss all the options.

Just a cynical question - is your ds’s school due Ofsted any time soon? If so, they will not want to have lots of exclusions on their registers, particularly for a child with SEND!

Octavia64 · 11/09/2026 17:24

Op, there is a spectrum of provision for children with SEND it’s not a simple as mainstream or specialist.

it goes something like:

mainstream no adjustments
mainstream some adjustments
mainstream some TA support
mainstream 1:1 TA support
unit attached to a mainstream school
specialist
EOTAS

at the moment your dc has some adjustments (you have mentioned card and safe space etc). Clearly your child’s needs are not being met by the current adjustments hence why people are suggesting you need an EHCP review to get more support while remaining in mainstream (which is the next rung on the ladder).

if your dc’s needs can be met by making changes to his support the LA will be keen to do this rather than place him in specialist.

however you may need to evidence this (and it sounds like you have loads of emails with informal/illegal exclusions).

Doghelp12 · 11/09/2026 17:24

I think there are a couple of important questions...

What part of the Section F are the school not providing?
And do you believe the school are capable of implementing the provision?

I have been senco in a school that has 2 classrooms, a small hall, a front office, a cupboard sized 'staff room' and a small playground...and the LA authority have insisted they can put in place provision that stated a 'low stimulation room available throughout the day' ' outside space for movement breaks when needed' and ' a designated working space and individual desk'.

When it was pointed out that the small playground was used for PE so the child couldn't always use it exclusively, and there were no spaces to use for working or low stimulation time, they disagreed and named us anyway.

The entire school was surrounded by privately owned farmer fields. The poor boy spent a year trying to climb fences and run through the children doing PE if they were around him outside. No amount of funding available would have made that possible. This village had never experienced that level of need and were an angry mob when their child got knocked over.
However, I also worked in a 2 form entry mainstream with 3 SEMH rooms, and ASD room, 'heavy work' room, sensory room and a huge outside area. Both mainstream, one equipped and one not.

Realistically, the LA don't care if the school can meet need, if a parent chooses it, they name it. Here, anyway. Never had the LA accept a 'no' to consultation.

clareykb · 11/09/2026 17:24

Hi I just wanted to share our experience my DD had a very rough start to Y5 diagnosis of Autism and ADHD and just I think a combination of new teachers who was actually lovely but not right for her and probably the onset of puberty was just disastrous and led to her being very overwhelmed and frequently out of class. What worked for her was a TA who knew her well being swapped in and ADHD medication she had a much better Y6 and is thriving at a mainstream secondary with good send support. I did briefly look at special options locally and there were none that would have met her needs academically - similar to your son she is very average with some things like history that she excells at. I think there is a bit of a gap in provision for academically able neurodiverse kids.

Jacobator · 11/09/2026 17:26

Wadsworthy · 11/09/2026 17:16

I dont want to blame the teacher because i dont actually know her and DS isnt exactly the most reliable witness when hes angry lol. But it does seem a very big coincidence that everything has changed since he went into her class.

It sounds very much as though you are blaming this teacher. She's been teaching him for, what, about a week? and there are 30 or so other DC who also deserve that the teacher learn who they are, and how best they learn.

YABU to blame it on the change in teacher, and to refuse to consider a specialist school, while expecting a teacher to know immediately your DS's triggers, and focus on those instead of teaching the whole class.

Im not blaming her though, i said i dont know her and i dont know exactly whats going on in the classroom. Im saying its a coincidence that this has all started since he went into her class, which i dont think is unreasonable to wonder about.

I also havent said she should spend all day focusing on DS instead of the other 30 children. Obviously they all need teaching and she needs to get to know them. But DS has an EHCP and there should already be information there about what helps him, its not like she has to work it all out from scratch.

And i dont expect her to know every trigger after one week. The school has known DS for years, his old teacher has given information and there are support plans in place. Thats why im asking what is actually being followed and what isnt.

Maybe the new teacher is doing everything right and this is just DS getting worse. I dont know. But equally maybe the change in teacher and classroom has made things harder for him. I dont see why asking that question means im blaming her.

As for specialist school, ive never said i refuse to consider it. Ive said i dont want to jump straight there when he has been managing in mainstream until now. There is a difference.

If after looking properly at whats happening they tell me he cant manage this setting then i will have to accept that and look at other options. But i dont think thats the same as saying yes straight away because people on Mumsnet think thats what i should do.

And yes, DS can be unreliable when hes angry, which is why im not taking everything he says as fact. Im just trying to put together what has changed because something clearly has.

OP posts:
Kirbert2 · 11/09/2026 17:26

Wadsworthy · 11/09/2026 17:18

But until then he still needs to be educated somewhere and i dont think it should just become my problem because he is difficult to manage.

He's your son! Of course it's your problem.

He has a legal right to an education and if his school don't think they can provide it, instead of acting unlawfully, they need to tell the LA that they can no longer manage him.

Phineyj · 11/09/2026 17:27

Wadsworthy · 11/09/2026 17:18

But until then he still needs to be educated somewhere and i dont think it should just become my problem because he is difficult to manage.

He's your son! Of course it's your problem.

But she is not with him during the day. It is not reasonable to expect anyone to manage a situation they're not party to.

Do check the date of the last Ofsted OP. They're normally done every 4 years.

Terfedout · 11/09/2026 17:27

HopefulBeliever · 11/09/2026 16:53

For what it’s worth I just wanted to mention this as someone who sees it from the other side.

Just because a child has an EHCP doesn’t mean the school get funding for everything necessary. For example, I have seen EHCPs recommending 1-2-1 support and they come with funding of £5,000 per year. How on earth are a school meant to fund 1-2-1 for a child on that? They don’t necessarily have reserve funding to cover the difference which is substantial on many occasions.

It also isn’t provided when the EHCP is issued - I have known occasions where it took 9-12 months for the school to receive the funding from the LA. So how on earth are the school meant to fund anything in the meantime?

My point is that school in your case are more than likely not to be over staffed to the point they have someone available to be with him 1-2-1 when he needs it to help regulate, that’s why they need your support. I agree that if you can come and help him regulate he should go back to class if possible.

Funding is currently so dire in schools it is becoming unusual to have a full time TA in each class. And there can be many conflicting needs that have to be juggled. And for the other children it is scary if things have been thrown - for some children this would make them scared to go.

All I would say is this. Please work with the school. You say they were good with your other child. They can support you in getting the EHCP reviewed and you can support them trying to get extra intervention or support for him.

However, I wouldn’t totally discount what your DH is saying. It may come to this and it may be good to research and have better knowledge of your options.

i wish you the best.

You are totally correct on the funding point. My son got allocated 6k per year. We were so very fortunate that the school found a way to cover the shortfall and give him a TA. Very very blessed tbh.

GoldenSandy · 11/09/2026 17:27

Jacobator · 11/09/2026 13:19

Sorry this is long and probably doesnt make much sense but i am so fed up and dont really know if im being unreasonable anymore.

I have 2 boys, 12 and 9, both have additional needs although they are very different. DS2 has always been harder in school but usually he manages and we have never had anything like this before. Since going back this September he has apparently been having what they call explosive behaviour and he has now been sent home several times. One day they rang me before lunch and said i needed to collect him because he wasnt able to calm down and they didnt have the staff to keep him safe.

I did collect him because what else can i do, but then its happening again and again. Yesterday they rang and said basically they cant meet his needs at the moment. I said well what does that actually mean because he is supposed to be in school and not sitting at home with me because you dont have enough staff.

They keep saying they are not excluding him and that its a “temporary arrangement” while they look at what support he needs. Sorry but if my child is being told to stay at home because school cant cope with him, what exactly do they think an exclusion is??

I have asked about his support plan and whether they have actually done everything that is in it and i get lots of meetings and people saying they are concerned but nobody seems to actually have an answer. I dont want to keep having arguments with the school because obviously DS has to go there and i dont want things getting worse for him, but i also cant just accept him being kept home every time he has a meltdown.

DH thinks im making this harder than it needs to be and says we should look at specialist provision. I know he might be right but i dont want DS2 being put somewhere just because his current school doesnt want the bother. His brother is at the same school and they are very close, and DS2 already feels different enough without being taken away and told he needs a special school.

And before anyone says we should just pay for extra help, we actually do. Between therapy, assessments, things for school, transport and other bits we are spending over £2,000 a month at the moment. Yes i know thats a lot. We arent sitting on a pile of money, it is coming out of our savings and some of the things are because we have been told to get them privately because waiting lists are ridiculous. Im not saying that means the school owes us anything, just that its frustrating to constantly be told to get more support when we are already trying everything we can.

I am not pretending DS is easy. He can be very difficult when he is overwhelmed and i know the other children need to be safe too. But surely the answer cant just be send him home until he behaves normally? He cant learn how to manage school if he isnt actually allowed to be at school.

DH says im refusing to accept that he needs specialist help and maybe i am. I just feel like once we go down that road thats it, he gets labelled and everyone gives up trying to make mainstream work.

So AIBU to be pushing back on this and saying they cant keep sending him home because they “cant cope”? Or am i the one refusing to accept reality here?

YABU but I feel for you regardless.

Schools aren't there for behaviour management. They're there to educate kids. Imagine trying to manage the behaviours and moods of 30 kids those ages, even kids who are typical with no additional needs. Teachers are saints just for keeping their cool. Now imagine the same child disrupting constantly. Aside from the safety aspect, kids are there to learn. I'd be furious if my child's education was being negatively effected, repeatedly, by one child. Just like you want your child in school, so do the parents of the other 30 kids.

I'm not saying it's easy and the support should be in place but it's not. I imagine even when they're taken out of class to another room, that is another staff member who has to give your child support. I assume they don't loads of extra staff so presumably it's taking staff away from other duties or a well earned break.

Rather than framing it as the school can't cope, try framing it as your kids can't cope in school. They're the ones struggling to fit.

roaringdragon · 11/09/2026 17:31

Doghelp12 · 11/09/2026 17:24

I think there are a couple of important questions...

What part of the Section F are the school not providing?
And do you believe the school are capable of implementing the provision?

I have been senco in a school that has 2 classrooms, a small hall, a front office, a cupboard sized 'staff room' and a small playground...and the LA authority have insisted they can put in place provision that stated a 'low stimulation room available throughout the day' ' outside space for movement breaks when needed' and ' a designated working space and individual desk'.

When it was pointed out that the small playground was used for PE so the child couldn't always use it exclusively, and there were no spaces to use for working or low stimulation time, they disagreed and named us anyway.

The entire school was surrounded by privately owned farmer fields. The poor boy spent a year trying to climb fences and run through the children doing PE if they were around him outside. No amount of funding available would have made that possible. This village had never experienced that level of need and were an angry mob when their child got knocked over.
However, I also worked in a 2 form entry mainstream with 3 SEMH rooms, and ASD room, 'heavy work' room, sensory room and a huge outside area. Both mainstream, one equipped and one not.

Realistically, the LA don't care if the school can meet need, if a parent chooses it, they name it. Here, anyway. Never had the LA accept a 'no' to consultation.

If a school genuinely thought they had been named unlawfully, they could challenge the decision, including via JR of necessary.

The problem is schools mostly don’t. That is partly because despite disagreeing with being named, the bar is high. Higher than many schools like to admit.

Phineyj · 11/09/2026 17:32

Of course schools are there for behaviour management! It's not their main purpose but it's an essential building block before any learning can take place.

It's a big chunk of teacher training these days, and rightly so as a wider range of children are in mainstream schools.

Phineyj · 11/09/2026 17:34

Teachers are not saints. There are good ones and bad ones and good ones having a bad day. They're human beings just like the rest of us and schools have to pick from who's available, which is sometimes not many.

Amberlynnswashcloth · 11/09/2026 17:35

Jacobator · 11/09/2026 15:47

I have wondered about that actually because he does calm down quite quickly once he is home, although i dont think he is doing it on purpose to get sent home. He is usually completely exhausted afterwards and says he doesnt want to go back because everyone saw him.

I dont think i could sit in the car with him for hours though and then take him back in. School have said before that once they call me they need me to take him home because they cant have me sitting around on site. I did ask if i could stay with him somewhere while he calmed down and they said it wasnt really practical.

The problem is once ive arrived he knows hes going home anyway, so maybe that is part of the cycle. I hadnt really thought of it like that before.

I dont want him learning that throwing something means mum comes and he gets to leave, but i also dont want to ignore him when hes genuinely overwhelmed and needs me.

Maybe i need to ask them what they actually expect me to do when they ring, because at the moment its basically “you need to come now” and then i take him home. There isnt really anything else offered.

I will ask them if there is a way of calming him down and getting him back into class instead, because if he can do that it would probably be better than him just losing the whole afternoon every time.

It is home specifically that he wants or just somewhere quite away from the group? If the latter, maybe this could be organised for him.

My DC was like this in his first year of school: he slammed doors, ripped the pictures off the wall, at one point actually hit the teacher! I got a call from the Head at 7pm one night because she was so concerned. I suggested that he might benefit from a quiet space to himself so they put together a cozy corner with a tent, cushions, books etc that he could go into when needed. He loved it but interestingly never used it - I think just knowing it was there helped to reassure that he could 'get away' if he needed to. No behavioural issues since.

DontBuyAnotherBook · 11/09/2026 17:37

Waytoohothot · 11/09/2026 16:53

Your son is not the schools responsibility hes yours and they need to keep other children and staff safe, it sounds like your son doesnt want to go And has control, maybe a SEN school would be better and if he does well maybe he can transfer back but saying the school are at fault and its their problem is not the solition

Actually it is. They have a responsibility to teach him and educate him.

Phineyj · 11/09/2026 17:38

Argh! Who are these schools who wait for parents to suggest absolutely obvious stuff?!

EarthaKittsVoice · 11/09/2026 17:39

Heronwatcher · 11/09/2026 16:59

So I absolutely agree that the school do need a plan in place but I think where we disagree is that I think it is reasonable in the short term for the school to ask parents to implement a reduced timetable informally if this helps. And maybe whilst they work out whether this is an “blip” or a longer term issue. A reduced timetable for a short time with the consent of the parent isn’t unlawful. And in lots of cases schools ask the parent to collect because they would rather have this than take more formal action which will also be on the child’s record if the behaviour escalates. SEN schools can be really strict about where they won’t take children with behaviour difficulties as well as SEN, and it won’t do the OP’s child any favours (a) to have a record of exclusions and (more importantly) (b) to be kept at school in a situation where they are already completely
overwhelmed.

Then the school which the OPs child is at needs to communicate this with the OP, detail their recommendations and inform the local authority/council and have everything documented.

They should be working with the OP to find the best solution but this isn't happening as per the Ops post. Which means they are not fulfilling their legal obligations.

Just imagine if the OP was someone who did not care, we all know what can happen to those children. They start feeling like school is not for them, they don't want to learn as it's 'too hard'. That's not a nice feeling for those kids so the school should be doing more, it's their legal obligation.

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