To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

Sorry but this is over simplifying it. It sounds as though the school was meeting need, but that the child list isn’t coping this year for some reason. The school may well be trying their best, but if a child doesn’t have a 1-1 and is exhibiting dangerous behaviour like throwing chairs what is the school meant to do? Yes if there is a staff member who can help, great, but what if it’s not working?

My daughter was in a class with a child who threw chairs and they regularly had to evacuate the entire classroom for safety reasons. They spent lots of lessons on edge and many children found it really upsetting and had a whole year of school really disrupted. So I think there’s a balance- with the best will in the world state schools can’t work miracles (they don’t have unlimited staff, lots of staff dont have specialist training, no resources and premises are often really small) and the best solution is one that looks at the needs of everyone, including the teachers and the other kids.

You can’t compare your sons because they are different. My daughter is autistic and has adhd and spd and struggled so much in primary school. I was called in at least 3 times a week. Minimum. It was so hard and I wish I had thought less about the stigma of a specialist setting and long term concerns over her future and more about the now. Ultimately he’s not settling and therefore not accessing the curriculum and by the sounds of it, neither are the rest of the class when he is unsettled. I fought hard to keep my daughter in mainstream and I often wish I hadn’t as I don’t think it was in her best interests overall. She’s in a specialist setting now and so much happier, I could kick myself for not trying earlier. It took a while as some settings are very extreme and she’s not in the same school as her sibling anymore plus I have to drive her but it’s honestly wonderful for her and I can actually think about the future now as she’s finally learning rather than in fight or flight mode 24/7

Once he is 10, he is criminally liable for his actions.

I think this is an important viewpoint. A few years ago we had a child at Beavers who sounded very similar to the OP's son. Despite never having laid a finger on any of the other children, the behaviour most definitely had an impact on them. We couldn't meet this child's needs either and the parents refused to engage with any of our concerns in any way. On both of those points we really tried but were limited on what we could reasonably do.

I would ask for a meeting with the school to establish what they intend to do. Because if the funding they have is not sufficient to meet the child's needs then they need to be doing more than just sending him home. I think the school are in a difficult situation here as they've got to balance the needs of all children but if the system isn't working then sweeping it under the carpet will definitely benefit no-one.

In the nicest possible way: the school has a duty of care towards all staff & children, not just your son. Having regular meltdowns with the the possibility of violence isn't something a class of 9yo should be exposed to on a regular basis.

Maybe specialist school is the right place for your son or at least a specialist 1:1 TA to help him regulate.

There have been cases of children with disbilities being managed out of schools. There has been cases where councils have had to pay compensation to the child/family due to not providing education to the child. A child cannot be off school because the school cannot facilitate them, they have to action a plan on where the child will go, if neccesary.

There is a legal requirement, from the school and council to educate the OP's child.

I feel for you and for the school and other children. As a teacher, Im honestly in favour of cctv in schools so parents can be made aware of how their children are behaving and how teachers are working. Schools I know wouldnt call a parent in unless it was absolutely necessary.

Surely he just needs to go to a more appropriate setting?

It is also terribly awkward because THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT'S PUBLISHED FUTURE STRATEGY.

Apologies for shouting but us SEN parents all feel like Cassandra at the moment.

For your son's sake I hope you listen to your husband.vYes it's hard to have to admit you need more help but it is ultimately going to help him. It's hard when our children struggle. It's hard to give up your ideas of how it would go, but your child needs more help. I hope you get it for him.

Yes, it is the school's job to work with the LA to get them to find one (on the generous assumption they can evidence they are compliant with the EHCP).

Instead they seem to be trying to make it OP's problem.

Home school him? Doesn't sound like it's working for anyone atm.

Homeschooling doesn't automatically work either, especially when the parent has to work.

If mainstream isn't appropriate, the school need to work with the LA to find him an appropriate setting.

The husband is probably a bit delusional tbh if he thinks a new school setting can be found so easily. If he were serious HE would be doing the legwork, the meetings, the phone calls and the research...

There is no shame in 'labels'... Labels mean that your child can get the help and support that he needs.

The fact that your son is having these meltdowns is proof in itself that the environment isn't the right place for him. Please don't underestimate the damage that this is causing both mentally and to his education, how can a child learn in an environment that doesn't make them feel safe?

If school are staying that they are unable to meet his needs then get that in writing, if they feel they can't then they should be applying for an EHCP, if they're not then you can do it yourself.

An EHCP isn't just for now, that will see him through until he leaves education and beyond so it's vital you get this in place if that's what he needs. If he's not coping now then how on earth will he manage when he gets to secondary age? I realise it's hard but you're nit just thinking about now, you need to think about the future too.

Take it from someone who should have pushed harder.

Join the Not Fine in School facebook page they are an amazing support for anyone with children struggling.

If forced on the parent that's off rolling.

The child has an EHCP.

Yep.

If school really think mainstream isn't suitable, they need to inform the LA.

Yes absolutely, but if the school is trying but can’t meet need then the LA need to find a new place. Which can take many months/ years and also is incredibly difficult if the parent is not on board and, frankly, on the LA’s case 24/7. In the meantime the school has a child who isn’t coping and has to deal with this, often to the detriment of the other kids and teachers.

In this situation it’s just not fair for the parent to say “no keep him he’s entitled to an education” and refuse to work with the school if they can.

And yes some schools do get it wrong, 💯 but in the examples I have seen the school hasn’t tried to get a child out vindictively, they’ve just been put in an impossible situation between a crap LA, upset child and angry parent.

As LAs have been shown time and again, lacking of funding, resources and/or staffing is not a lawful excuse for acting unlawfully. The same applies to schools.

You need support from a send advocate or SENDIAS.

Each time they send him home it’s an ilegal exclusion. You need to say that you will only collect him if they provide the exclusion paperwork.

You also need to ask for an earl review of ECHP as school clearly can’t meet his needs.

And it masks the failings of the local authority who have a statutory responsibility to provide education to all children.

You need to push for changes to the EHCP to get an appropriate setting allocated and funded. Sadly in my experience local authorities seem to prefer wasting council tax money losing cases at tribunal than making the right decisions in the first place.

Ds23 had a one to one and a IEP at primary school and it was a real help. As he got older the support became less (his original one to one died suddenly and they never really replaced her). He started getting very overwhelmed, holding it in at school and then having huge meltdowns at home. I knew our local secondary school would have been a nightmare for him so we looked at private schools. He really liked the feel of them but I told him he'd have to get a full bursary to get in so he needed to put in a lot of effort. He was quite behind in reading and compression so we worked on it everyday. He was eventually awarded bursaries at two private schools and he chose the single sex one. They were amazing with him, knew when he was overwhelmed and just got him. He graduated last year with a first class MEng and was headhunted from university for his dream job. He still has issues but moving school was the best decision we ever made.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

Similarly, advocates are unregulated business. While some are good, there are some who do more harm than good.