To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

Exactly, what are schools supposed to do? They are no resources and not enough staff. People in the media keep complaining about schools not meeting the needs of their children but how can they when run on a shoestring?

ok thanks everyone, i think i probably havent explained it very well and maybe thats why people are thinking he is just being violent all day which he isnt.

You focus on violence, but I'm thinking about the time & attention your DS's disregulation is taking away from the 30 or so other pupils in that class. Every time he is overwhelmed & can't control himself is time taken away from ALL the other pupils' education.

Other DC need to be safe, but they also should be able to be educated without this sort of disruption. You don't know how upsetting - even disregulating - it will be for other DC in your DS's class. Teachers and the school have to think about all pupils, not just yor DS.

You say you're spending up to £2000 per moth extra - would that money be better spent on a private school able to educate your DS? £24,000 would go a long way towards paying for a specialist school, where your DS could be calmer, happier & receive an education he can cope with?

From what you've said I think you could be letting your own prejudices about specialist schools form your opinion here. Your child knows he's different, I'm sure the rest of his class don't have their own safe zones, ear defenders etc. Your job as his parent is to make sure he doesn't form the opinion that different = bad, and that goes for school types too.

You could be doing him a massive disservice by not weighing up whether he'd thrive in a specialist school, it may just set him up for exactly the future you're hoping for.

This is illegal.

School should have you in for a meeting and come up with reasonable adjustments . If these are not working they need to organise alternative provision and follow legal steps to get him assessed and moved to a different school or alternative provision permanently. There are very clear legal guidelines they much follow and sending him home because they cannot ‘meet need’ is not allowed.
Ask for a meeting with school to discuss what they will be doing to help him going forward.
Do not agree to pick him up early.
If they continue to try this then escalate to governors or the local authority.

You need a review of his plan. His current school clearly are not meeting his needs.

Have you looked at private? As if a private can meet his need then the council can fund it if you push enough and it’s the best fitting space.

A friends son was having hell In year 7/8 and the school wouldn’t or couldn’t meet his needs. It took about eight months but he know goes to a local ish private and is thriving and we have all found out he is a pretty bloody good cook!

If you are affected by the issues in this thread, please write to your MP. The Education White Paper is likely to greatly increase these types of issues. The solution is NOT to try to guilt parents into putting up with illegal exclusions. Do something practical before it's too late. Please!

Write to your MP: protect the legal rights of children and young people with SEND https://share.google/LEskzF54ni6lzMaML

Unfortunately, this is the age that dysregulation often escalates, alongside the child being bigger and stronger. I would be very concerned about the risk of him hurting other children or staff and their safety has to be the first priority. Whilst your son has the right to access education, this needs to be in an environment where everyone can be kept safe.

Sounds like they are considering the safety of the wider school community, teachers & pupils. This doesn't sound unreasonable at all. It sounds like your son needs a different school.

Adding to my previous posts about the legal framework, I would approach this from a slightly different perspective.

It is important to understand the documentation and guidance that sit behind SEN provision, so that you know what you can reasonably expect from school and what the school is required to do. However, equally important is developing a positive working relationship with the school.

Try to approach this without blame. Ultimately, you and the school want the same thing, the best possible outcomes for your DS. You are on the same side.
The school also has a responsibility to meet your DS’s needs while ensuring the safety and wellbeing of your DS, the other children and staff, and while working within the relevant legislation and guidance.

I would therefore work constructively with school to look at how your DS’s individual plans are supporting him. Are the appropriate plans and strategies in place? Do they accurately reflect his needs? Are they being implemented consistently? What is working well, and what could be improved?

I do think you may have identified something significant in the change of teacher. It is still early in the term and there has been a considerable change for your DS. It may be as straightforward as him missing his previous teacher, their relationship and the routines or approaches he was familiar with. He may simply need some time to adjust.

Equally, it is worth establishing whether his agreed support and strategies are in place and being implemented consistently. Regular, open communication between you and school should help identify what is happening and enable staff to make appropriate adjustments.

If your DS does not settle, the evidence gathered through his individual plans, provision and ongoing monitoring provides an important basis for considering whether further support or adaptations are needed, either within the current school or, if appropriate, through consideration of alternative provision.

The key is to work with school, rather than against them, keeping the focus firmly on understanding what your DS needs and how those needs can best be met.

Could there be a cycle developing of him kicking off in order to get out of school?

Can you suggest to school that when his behaviour is unmanageable, they contact you to come in but that you won't take him home - you'll sit with him in the office or in the car until he has calmed down and then return him to the classroom?

maybe but with an EHCP in place there needs to be a formal review and if the school can’t meet need then a new place needs to be found
agree they are acting badly/possibly illegally and it’s not acceptable- the plan needs reviewing and amending - maybe he needs more robust support in school? Maybe a further learning assessment might be useful etc
you don’t just send a child, with an EHCP you have accepted, home because it’s difficult

not all of it is education. Some is therapy

In terms of the EHCP, health care provision that educates or trains is actually deemed to be special educational provision. This can cover things like OT, SALT, MH therapies, physio…

Not all independent SS allow parents to self fund, and even when they do, many cost significantly more than £24k, particularly once you start adding therapies in. For most, independent SS isn’t financially possible.

I think what I did next would depend on what I thought of the school OP. If you think they've generally managed things well then I'd be looking at is there a clash with this current teacher? Is there an option for moving to another class? Does he need a more gradual settling in?

If there's always been an undertone of school not meeting his needs then I'd be looking at changing schools. As pp have said this might not mean a SEN school. Are there any primarys in the area with a PRU or anything like that?

It sounds like your approach when he's sent home is absolutely right focussing on connection and regulating and making clear that there aren't punishments for his behaviour but there are consequences and one of those consequences is to ensure that there is no further unecessary stimulation and a need to work on how to manage his big emotions to further manage unacceptable behaviour.

Email the school, copying in your son’s caseworker at the local authority. The school receives a significant amount of money to meet the needs outlined in the ehcp. They’re either not following the ehcp or it needs adjusting.

But I guarantee the caseworker does not know what is going on and they will not be happy. Whenever I’ve copied in the caseworker things have moved very quickly. Believe it or not they are mostly on the side but f the child in these circumstances.

my Granddaughter is on the spectrum and was a nightmare at school. She learned to kick off and get sent home. What I did was bring her home and she did nothing. No treats gadgets tv anything. Just sitting she lasted a week and is now back in school full time. She realised it wasn't an easy ride it was total boredom.

Can you say a little more about the £2k if you feel you can? That is a heck of a lot. We had to spend a lot on our DD so I get it but I agree with the previous poster that that puts you within reach of private school fees.

In a different environment he might not be so disregulated. You could at least arrange some trial days?

My DD goes to a state comprehensive after attending a private primary that was able to meet her needs.

My friend has just removed her son to the same private primary after a lot of difficulty at the local state (who were absolutely doing their best, but he was sinking).

Whether he should be in this school or not and whether the school are right to send him home or not is in some ways a separate issue. If they are sending him home they should be be formally excluding him. They just know that that involves extra work for them. But currently the local authority are failing in their duty to provide him with an education. If they can’t meet his needs in school, then there are procedures they need to follow including involving the educational psychologist. If they aren’t following his education plan and they are not following proper procedure, you need to go to education department. Your OH might be right that he might be more suited to a different setting, but it’s the local authority who have the duty to assess that and find the provision that best meets his needs. What is his diagnosis? You need a sit down meeting where you call actually agree a plan. In the meantime, don’t collect him unless they are formally excluding him. If you take a firm line on this, that will give them the kick up the arse they need to take this seriously. Can you share any techniques you use that could help settle him? Any accommodations they could be making for him?

He has an EHCP. All the support he needs should be funded via that. The first thing school should do If they feel they can't manage is call a review and ask the LA for additional funding and support, not start unlawfully excluding a child.

I would start by asking for a meeting asap.

At the meeting I would ask why they don’t want to provide a 1:1 aid. Someone should be watching him exclusively to figure out his triggers and prevent them.

I would ask for a breakdown in the cost of dedicated support vs the proposed specialist schools.

i would also ask for their recommend specialist school so you can investigate it as an option. Show you are being open minded, even though you aren’t ready to make a move yet. But you do need to start looking at if this might better serve him.

What consequences are you enforcing at home after his behaviour at school?

If hes so misbehaved that school are calling you to tale him home he should be punished to learn its not acceptable, not just mummy is going to come and take him to relax.

Id have a 24hour technology ban as a minimum and a wriiten letter of apology to the class teacher as a start.

Hes going to be a teenager soon. These are your last years of enforcing discipline, soon it will be too late and he may end up involved with police.

He does need to learn right from wrong to function in society, regardless of labels to give him a chance, think tough love. I dont think bringing him home to rest is any sort of punishment, you need to support the school and his classmates by disciplining him.

Having worked in education for many years now funding is woefully inadequate. As is retention of staff. Especially staff expected to work with violent and disruptive pupils.

As a different angle, specialist provision isnt a punishment, and is usually what it says on the tin - specialist.

At the moment your son is getting generalists at school, which is a big chunk of his time, and they don’t appear to be doing a particularly good job at supporting him in learning what he needs to life skills wise to exist in a mainstream world.

A specialist provision sooner might actually be in his best interests long term.