To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

Did I say it's the parent's fault? The system is broken. Referrals take over 2 years, CAMHS is sending things back to schools to deal with, LAs say we have to find the first £6000 for each SEND child...... There are so many issues.
Out of interest, why do you think we go into teaching? It isn't to be beaten by children (I have had bruises from children lashing out). It isn't to fight parents. It isn't to go home feeling like you've failed everyone (the child who needs help and the 29 others who are collateral damage). It isn't to come on MN every day and see more teacher bashing.
If you're unhappy with the system then go to the LA, go to your MP.
But, yeah, we'll go in again tomorrow morning and do it all again.

Ahh you don't like it when someone tries to make you feel bad about the situation, yet you're quite happy to come on here try and make op feel bad about her situation despite the fact she's also doing all she can to figure out how best to deal with this situation (and is in fact being hindered by her child's school). Why is it ok for you to do that to her, but not ok for others to do it to you?

You asked OP how she would feel if her son hurt anyone. What was your intention with that question if not to imply it would be her fault if it did happen?

The system is broken, I absolutely agree and no, I don't believe it is the fault of teachers any more than I do the fault of parents like me.

Schools must be given the funding to meet the echp provision. If the band allocated isn't doing this your LA are acting unlawfully. I'm confused as to what a review achieves in this situation though? Plans don't state funding so what's being reviewed?

if you look up Sen legal on YouTube they actually did a video for schools on how to secure appropriate funding.

Ok so the dozens of threads weekly about how crap schools are are ok? I actually have a lot of sympathy with the OP but she cannot expect her child to come above all of the other children in the class. I've seen kids being anxious about coming into school because of that 1 child who throws chairs. Is that ok? I've seen a disabled child have to struggle using the toilet cos his 1:1 TA has been called away to deal with violence. Is that ok? Staff going home with bite marks, black eyes, grazes. Is that ok?
I do feel bad about the situation. We are failing everyone. But it is not school's fault.
If you fancy having a go at doing my job, feel free! Come and do it for a week.

I feel like OP is focusing more on the practical aspects for her family than the needs of her child - keeping both DS in the same school, the travel to a specialist provision etc. If the nearest suitable provision to meet need is chosen then door to door transport is usually provided by the council. If OP is worried about the "stigma" of a special school and DS being surrounded by very disabled children, there are so many more options than this!

If the school doesn't have the resources tbh it doesn't matter what is written in the EHCP. And even if challenged through the Courts that of itself takes time.
A school has the right to try to find a solution.. they are not expected to have on-the-shelf solutions sitting waiting on the off chance it might just fit the specific needs of any given specific child.
Personally I think OP would do much better for her son working with the school rather than threatening legal action. Finding a solution for any child with complex needs is by its very definition a complex-and costly-matter.

There's just as many threads about how shit parents of disabled children are, it is all their fault, they just want benefits etc. There's actually one running right now.

I respectfully disagree. We see many children whose needs change quite quickly. It isnt two weeks, things could have changed over the course of the holidays.

Also, how does the OP know its not been affecting the other children? Even if not direct, witnessing behavior can affect other children.

Don't think I've said that have I???

I never said that you did. You were talking about threads starting about crap schools and I was saying it is the same with threads starting about blaming parents of disabled children.

I already work in a school. Thanks.

is it ok to unlawfully exclude a child? Is it okay to deny them their human right to education? Is it okay the school haven't called an emergency EHCP review? We could be at this all day op. Two wrongs don't make a right.

So you should know exactly what we're dealing then.
For some children mainstream school just is not right for them.

As a parent much further along the road than @Jacobator SEN parenting is awash with parents in denial about their child’s needs.

My son is academically able and to the outsider we’ve put him in a special school unnecessarily. He’s articulate, sociable, engaging, NT presenting. One of those ‘mild’ autistic people.

What they didn’t see was the time he was in mainstream he was out of the class constantly with his TA, so dysregulated he wanted to kill himself at 10 years old, because trying to fit into an environment was so awful and this was with a school who generally tried very hard to meet his needs.

He wasn’t the type to throw chairs or be physically violent like OPs son. I was very rarely called to collect him. The level of intervention OP describes is, in my experience, well above what can be managed well in a mainstream. It’s all a sticking plaster.

The first day back after school holidays used to be hell. Tears the night before, shaking and meltdowns. Now in wholly specialist senior? Skips off every day happy. No meltdowns. Not ONE in 2 years.

OP is in denial. I see it all the time and the children suffer every time.

@sconebone sorry should have said I agree at the start of that!

And sometimes it is right for them when given the appropriate support.

DS2 relies on him a lot stood out for me . As someone with additional needs himself especially, his DB should not be relying on him that much.

Your DS has coped up to now but he’s is showing you he’s is not coping. Continuing to keep him there could lead to trauma which can be hard to reverse.
Im surprised he doesn’t have at least 1:1 with that level of need.

He will get stronger and bigger. He needs input to help him regulate himself now. If the school are telling you, they can’t cope, you should listen, especially with how well you say they have done with your older DS.

It doesn’t necessarily need to be a specialist placement now, although it sounds like that might be the best thing for him, but it sounds like that school is not right for him.

Interestingly, most of the time, dads are more reluctant to get their children into specialist placements.

You’re probably also struggling with your DS2 indicating significant needs completed to him big brother and wondering what the future holds for him. The sooner he gets into the right placement, the better his outcome.

OP no advice , just want to say you sound so fair , balanced and reasonable ! I'm a teacher and I wish all parents were as fair and understanding . I really hope this is just a blip for your son and things settle down.
You have responded so well to suggestions and haven't tried to push any kind of agenda but seem open minded to everything . Best of luck to you !

Who's threatened legal action?

The review would be of the placement.

Which I can understand if you can't meet needs at all, but if you can't meet needs simply due to underfunding the answer is more funding, not moving the child. It's all very frustrating! It relates back to my earlier post about how LAs don't put enough early support in place then complain when they have to fork out even more £££ for more expensive provision.

Indeed. It would at least be formal though and the problem seems to be that the school are trying to keep things informal.

If you believe your child could cope in mainstream without having meltdowns with 1:1 dedicated support then push for that with the LA. If necessary and possible get a private professional assessment of needs. It may end up as a court case but if you’re determined the LA will cave at the last minute as they don’t really want to go to court.

This l agree

Because the hubs don’t work well for many children. The practicalities are that children who find the mainstream environment challenging never actually access learning. They are forever back and forth to regulate rather than actually in lessons.

Hubs are good for children who are lower ability to have inclusion with mainstream - they get to improve where they are strong and have the additional support where weaker but they don’t work as well the other way.