To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

Least of all the send families who only get what the LA say they can have. Of course if they disagree they can go to tribunal, have a 12-18 month wait (often with their child receiving no education at all in the meantime) have court decide what the child needs and STILL have to tolerate ignorant people trying to pretend parents get expensive education settings/packages because they demanded it.

okay. It's still unlawful.

Has the school said they cannot meet his needs?

Then an urgent review ehcp is needed.

Get advice for like sen sos, nas or one of the other sen charities.

He may need funding for 1:1 assistant or he may need a smaller quieter setting. Either way the ehcp needs reviewed now. Id be onto lea and pushing daily

School governor, primary level and currently chair (tho quite new at that bit).

I am not going to suggest what they’re doing is right but this sort of thing is happening in schools across the country. Schools are being forced to accept children who should not be in mainstream schools because the specialist places are just not available and the local authority decides they are a suitable place for those children. And if they have an EHCP but need one to one care all day, funding is insufficient to supply that. This at a time where schools are grossly underfunded and being expected to part fund a teachers pay rise that somebody else decides. So when a child suddenly starts to display challenging behaviours, it is genuinely difficult for them to keep everyone safe. In our cluster of primary schools, this is not unusual for them to be in this situation and it’s a constant fight to try and get children in the right places. I know a parent whose child is at one such primary school, who has had issues develop over the last few years. The school does not have the capacity to get him an EHCP but they recognise he has additional needs. They allow him “brain breaks” in the playground during the day but they have decided he cannot possibly manage the last hour of the school day, so his mum has to pick him up early. She can only do this because she lives on the same road as the school and her work is very flexible (but it does cost her money because she has to stop work).She is doing all the legwork in getting a diagnosis to lead to an EHCP, which she really wants in place before he goes to secondary school (hes in KS2). What I’m saying is that schools are trying to do their very best for all the children in their care and it’s getting to the point where it’s an almost impossible balance to maintain. I really don’t think it’s a case of they don’t want the bother. They are probably on the edge and don’t know what else to do. We have certainly had some very difficult discussions involving some less experienced governors who saw it as very black and white when it really is not as simple. Some of these have been upsetting for the staff present because they are absolutely doing everything they can to support all children and keep them all safe, because that’s what they’re required to do.

You are the best advocate for your child but at the same time, if this behaviour is becoming dangerous for them to manage, specialist provision might actually be the best thing for him. However, the challenge will probably be securing that place. They are unlikely to have a place thats available quickly so you will have to work with the school for some time at least. I do know that some parents remove their children from schools and this can sometimes mean that places at special units are found more quickly but it is not guaranteed.

For now, I would try to work with the school and if you feel you have a genuine complaint about how they’re dealing with the situation, follow the complaints procedure of the school. Schools finding a way to remove a child from their roll purely because they don’t want the bother are likely to be extremely rare - I am not saying they don’t exist but the consequences for being found out are quite serious for the school and at least one headteacher and deputy head were banned from teaching indefinitely for doing this. It’s more likely other reasons as I’ve described.

@ButterPiesAreGreatit will only get worse if the send reforms go ahead.

btw the mum doesn't need a diagnosis to get an EHCP. The fact school send him home early every day is more than enough evidence to show he needs an ehcna and an EHCP and if the school request one that's also good evidence as schools don't request an assessment unless necessary. Someone should do another application asap and advise mum to appeal if the LA say no.

Unless you do this formally, with the appropriate exclusion paperwork, then it counts as an illegal exclusion.

The system has got the resources you're just not willing to use them. You're trying to force your son into a school that can't meet his needs because its not for children like him. I'm a psychologist that works with quite a lot of EBSA kids and this is how so many of their stories start and it's quite often between year 4 and 6 because the level of work is harder, more is expected of the kids and as a result the teachers have to have a classroom style that accommodates that. If you keep pushing here I can absolutley see that you'll soon start to have school refusal. You say that he doesn't want to go back because people have seen him and thats totally valid. The kids are 9, when they see other kids pushing things over, shouting, throwing things they don't tend to want to play with them, they'll be talking about him, going home and telling their parents. Get him out now before he learns to distrust all peers.

Your son isn't 1:1 which is a huge issue here, thats not the schools fault because they have the number of staff needed to manage a class full of mainstream kids, if a member of staff has to deal 1:1 with your child that leaves 29 other kids in the class with less support so if you really wont look into a more suitable provision then I'd be challenging the LA to get 1:1 funding and an amended EHCP.

Actually, there are other avenues. A child does not have to be excluded. The school are perfectly able to raise a safeguarding issue and determine that they have not got the resources to keep the child, or other children and/or staff safe, and they can ask the parents not to send the child to school. The parents can also ask the GP for a letter to say that the child cannot be expected to attend school until their needs are met such that they can be kept safe and that certain assessments are in progress, and until such time they are completed, the child should be marked as authorised absent.

Unless, they are actually doing what's best for the child and the parents are collaborating and understand the situation and are mutually agreeing to it.

We have been through 2x mainstream and 4x specialist schools and the best one always communicated with us like a team, so sometimes we would collect them and other times we'd wait a bit longer to see how it played out... But if they know your child well and know it's not going to get better that day... Why does it need to be an exclusion at all? It's just an early pick-up and try again tomorrow, or even later that day! That's not necessarily a permanent solution but it was totally necessary for our child on their first 6 months at a new school.

Yeah, as expectations and school intensity ramp up, struggling kids struggle more.

That's not actually a problem of the school, it's the nature of school work. It is going to become more intense, and the expectations around self management will increase.

That is what's supposed to happen.

I know school places are expensive. I've got two kids in the system and I know that at times they've cost the taxpayer more per year than I have ever earnt in a year (each). So I don't doubt we need to figure out ways to save money and make the system more efficient.

But I'd just like to know where "regularly... in excess of £100k" comes from in your message above ? Just did a little research and it seems that if the entire "high needs" budget is spent on kids with EHCPs then that works out at an average of between £18-21k per child per year depending on which figures I used... Maybe my math is bad but if you can point to where your figure comes from I'll be happy to eat my words.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/what-are-ehc-plans-and-how-much-is-spent-on-them-b1236820.html

https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/education-health-and-care-plans/2026

https://www.nao.org.uk/press-releases/special-educational-needs-system-is-financially-unsustainable/

https://www.nao.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Department-for-Education-Overview-2024-25.pdf

Amen.
🙏☝️ This person knows what they are talking about 👍👍👍

How do you think that actually works? The school does in fact have to think of every child, whatever bullshit rules some idiots have created.

That's the reality and people making out like it isn't are why there is so many people losing patience with the whole situation. It's not sustainable.

I think this is a difficult situation for everyone.

It is not uncommon for children with SEN to struggle more in mainstream as they get older- the work gets a bit harder and if they haven’t kept up 100% or have specific struggles, those gaps in knowledge/understanding become more stark and they can struggle to progress in the same way as others. They will often pick up on this and it can affect their self-esteem, but they are also more likely to get frustrated that things are getting harder/they struggle more with the academic work. The vicious circle can be the more time out of the classroom they need, the more they miss and need to catch up on- or be left even further behind- can make them feel under more pressure if they are aware of it and even if they aren’t there is still the vicious cycle. I.e. the more = more behind/foundations a bit unsteady = difficulty managing more complicated work = more frustration = more time out, and so the cycle goes on. Some will be very aware they are not keeping up with their peers, others less so.

The other factor which can start to flag up more as children get older is any social or communication problems- the differences can start to be more significant/obvious and impact more noticeablely on how they function and manage in a classroom setting, often more than in the home environment. It can also be picked up by the child and their peers, which can be difficult for both to navigate. And yes, teasing or outright bullying can be an issue too. And if he is having angry outbursts, the other children will pick up on it and it can impact how they interact with him, which will obviously affect your DS and how he feels about school/being in the class. That could be because of teasing/bullying, but it could be more subtle- e.g. some children will find this scary and not want to be friends, others might ask him why he does it, which can make him self-conscious. However it manifests, the social impacts can be as destabilising for a child as academic challenges.

From my nephews experience, the social impact of SEN became much more obvious at 9/10 (obviously this is totally different for each child). As the meltdowns/outbursts were more frequent (reflecting that he was struggling more both academically and socially) and more significant, children who were previously friendly were more reluctant to play with him and kept their distance, he had very superficial friendships and felt quite isolated. My sIL tackled one parent of a boy he had been friendly with, and she said my nephews outbursts made this child worried and anxious, which is why they he did not want to play or be friends. Some of the meltdowns my nephew had were when things were challenging socially, not just related to academic work (noisy play, him not easily understanding the rules of a game, or conversely understanding but not liking the rules, wanting to play something different/do something differently but others not agreeing).

From the teachers point of view, i imagine this is harder. As I said, I think it can be easier when they are younger as the differences are often less stark- it could be the teacher just having a different teaching style/manner, or it could be that there are lots of factors at play. My friend who is a teacher is currently at the end of her tether with the state of things- she has multiple different EHCP’s to try and contend with- several with almost diametrically opposed needs, which she is somehow supposed to manage within the same classroom setting- as well as teach and support all the other children who deserve her time and attention too. There is some extra staffing support, but the truth is that taken together it is almost impossible to meet the all of the needs of all of the children all of the time. Individually, the school probably could meet their needs, and on paper they have plans in place, but when taken as a whole group that simply isn’t the case. However, the LA states they do have the resources- yes, if only one of the children is requiring support at a time but not to provide extra support to an all of them at once. The option to move children to a different class does not exist. All the children are being negatively impacted, the parents are unhappy on all sides and staff are at their wits end. My friend is seriously considering leaving the profession- it’s not the children’s fault, but the truth is the resources aren’t always there to make mainstream work well.

If there is not sufficient staffing available for 1:1 for your son to support on him an ad hoc basis, they are left in a difficult position when he does need it and they cannot provide it. He has various tools and a quiet space, but he is not always able to utilise those. If he has no 1:1 funding, I’m not surprised they cannot ensure that this is always available when your DS needs it. I’m not sure it is realistic to expect it to be. I think, therefore, review of his EHCP is a good idea. But I would also agree that if the school have genuinely applied the EHCP and they cannot meet growing needs- or if they cannot meet the needs of his current EHCP- then they have formally to say so, rather than the unofficial suspension which leaves you in limbo. They need to be clear on where they stand in order to facilitate planning going forward with regards how to support your DS’s education, whether that be in mainstream education or a specialist setting.

I think in the event of it being suggested that specialist school is best for your son, then you do need to reframe a that from some sort of punishment of yoir DS, and more as a positive thing which will allow your DS to be supported in the way that meets his needs and will allow him to flourish.

This is my experience too.

Now, my son's mainstream school is generally great but even they seemed to sit up straighter and pay more attention when they understood that I knew my rights, my child rights and knew the law.

As I said on a previous comment of mine, some schools seem to rely on parents not knowing their child's rights or the law.

I’ve read all your responses but not the full thread so apologies if this is repeating the advice of others.

As a headteacher, I can tell you that what they are doing is illegal. If he is not at school because they’ve said he can’t be at school, that has to be a suspension, permanent exclusion or on a reduced timetable.

It seems like, in the short term, a reduced timetable might be the way to go if you are able to accommodate him being in for fewer hours. If his behaviour is ‘extreme’ he is obviously feeling very deregulated and probably not safe himself. It is the start of a new school year, new teacher as you’ve said, and it sounds to me with the info you’ve given that he needs some transition work to manage the changes this has brought. A reduced timetable that gradually increases might help to support this.

Finally, I would agree that an emergency EHCP review is essential and from your end I would push for an officer from the EHCP team at issuing authority to attend because the school are behaving illegally, it doesn’t seem have exhausted all options and they will manage this with them.

I’ve been in similar situations with explosive behaviour that was incredibly dangerous for the child and for those around them. Whilst they are incredibly difficult situations to deal with, but with teamwork, good communication, patience and high levels of support, they can be well managed and I’ve found it possible to get to a point where the pupil was able to educated effectively and we were able to meet their needs within a mainstream setting.

OP I think the line I would take is - Of course I'll come and pick him up if it's the best move. But these illegal exclusions are going to have to stop. If it's important enough for him to be excluded, it's important enough for you to do the paperwork. Maybe we can work together on ways you can manage him [not sure this is the right phrase] that don't need extra staff, like earlier intervention?

I'm so sorry your DS is experiencing this.

Why is one kids education more important than the other 29 kids education? Their lessons will be disrupted all day every day.

The child is unlikely to be disregulated "all day every day". He has been at the school 5 years.

And yes parents do broadly only need to focus on the needs of their own child. They are only responsible for their own child. The SCHOOL is responsible for the class.

That isn't OP's responsibility. She has to think about her own child and taking him out would mean receiving no more educational support for him as the LA would no longer be legally responsible to provide him an education.

Blame the government and LA's who are making specialist schools harder and harder to attend for children who may not be suited to mainstream.

With the potential SEND reforms, it is also going to get much worse as even more children will be expected to manage in mainstream.

'Blame the government and LA's who are making specialist schools harder and harder to attend for children who may not be suited to mainstream.'

I agree. It won't help anyone.

Every child is entitled to an education. OP's son is no different and it doesn't make OP any more entitled than any other parent sending their child to school.

Again, it isn't OP's fault that the LA's and government make things so bloody impossible for SEND parents.

I agree. And with your pp. It's the system - we need more specialist schools. Of course every child deserves an education but it shouldn't be at the cost of others.