To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

There’s a legal obligation for your son to receive an education. IPSEA is a good source of info

SEN covers a lot. Of course teachers know and accept that they will be teaching children who are not NT - that isn't the problem. But teachers who have chosen to work in mainstream education, did not sign up to having pupils throw furniture on a regular basis and neither did the other children in the class, to whom the teacher also has a duty of care.

It's not that teachers can't be bothered to teach children with ALN , it's that they cannot teach (which is their actual job) and fulfil the role of carer ( which is not their job).

Our school has 6 LSA for an entire high school - who can't be everywhere at once. If one is pulled away from the class to look after one child, then that is at the expense of other children who need support during that lesson. What is happening to the classes of the senior leadership team, when they are pulled out of lessons to deal with one child?

The school can't cope because they don't have enough funding to provide 1:1 support for your child - that would cost the school hundreds of pounds per week. There's no budget for that.

I do agree that you need full paperwork in order that your child be funded properly for specialist provision and I have sympathy because the state doesn't want to pay for it if they can keep a child in mainstream. But it's really unfair for anyone to imply that schools just can't be bothered - staff are stretched thin.

Suspect some of these comments would be fewer if their child was SEN. But for the grace of god eh.

'And that’s because the various governments have pushed fur those children to stay in mainstream school. Whixh was hailed as an amazing step forward at the time because it meant being more inclusive. This was seen as great both for the SN pupils and for the others - learning to live alongside each other, better understanding etc….'

That approach is wrong. It doesn't work. They know it now (they probably did then but saves money doesn't it).

SEND code of practice: 0 to 25 years - GOV.UK https://share.google/HIEDjPPRsdsCK2QzG the relevant statutory guidance is here in case anyone else is minded to throw out any more bits of the law "written by idiots". Schools not being able or willing in all cases to deliver it doesn't make anyone "idiotic" any more than any of the other ways UK society is currently letting the more vulnerable down.

So you will write to your MP about the Schools' White Paper then?

Yep.

"First they came for..."

But right now the only choice OP has is keep her son in school, ask for EHCP review, hopefully have some adjustments made and keep her fingers crossed that things improve. If not OP will have to start thinking about specialist schools but she can only work with the system that is currently in place.

If she takes her son out permanently, sure, the other children likely won't be as disrupted but it also means that the LA will then legally no longer be responsible for his education and there will certainly be no specialist school then, it isn't even guaranteed when the LA are legally responsible and will still likely take years even if he does get a specialist school place.

So like many SEND parents, OP will potentially end up been stuck between a rock and a hard place waiting for years for her son to be suitably educated if things can't improve at mainstream.

It's a big chunk of teacher training days because of the level of poor behaviour teachers have to deal with. Schools absolutely should not be there managing kids behaviour. That's a parent's role. Too many parents forget this. They expect someone else to control their kids, teach their kids to behave and even expect them to toilet train because many parents are too busy or lazy to do it themselves. There are children without SEN in juniors who aren't toilet trained simply because parents can't be arsed.

The level of poor behaviour in schools at the moment is completely unacceptable. The types of training teachers should have in behaviour management should be around motivating kids, helping them learn independently, work well, etc. it shouldn't be stopping them throwing tantrums, being violent etc. Regardless for the reason why, it's still not a teacher's job.

I suspect my own child is much more typical of the average EHCP. She attends a mainstream comprehensive (albeit one lauded for their inclusiveness, which is why we picked it of course), only receives quite minimal support (there is no way the school spends the £5k or so they receive annually), she gets masses of support at home and we (I) had to do nearly all the paperwork to get the EHCP including two tribunals. The system absolutely relies on parents putting in 95% of the work.

There absolutely are actors within the system who can't be bothered and aren't competent. If I behaved at work like people in my LA, I'd be sacked!

I've heard of children starting Reception not toilet trained but haven't heard about children in Year 3+ who definitely don't have SEND but aren't toilet trained. Where did you get that information from, please? Any links?

The sheer lack of understanding that IF the environment and support was there, it is ENTIRELY possible that all the children in the class could receive a proper education, blows my mind.

You talk like there is nothing to be done for the child. What if the majority of the difficulties are because the proper required support is NOT in place?

Yep. Absolutely this.

My son is thriving in mainstream because his EHCP is actually good and supports him which means everyone, including him, can enjoy their education and school day.

Of course, he's in Year 6 now and the transition to mainstream high school has me very nervous.

The problem is the system can't move quick enough for the demand for special needs provision.

The conversation nobody wants to have is why behaviour has got so bad in SEN kids. Just because a child has special needs doesn't mean there has to be the level of disruption currently in schools. Nobody wants to say it but parents need to take responsibility for some of how their children behave. It's easy to hide behind the label and excuse bad behaviour. I'm certainly not saying that outbursts occasionally can't be avoided but as soon as a child has a diagnosis parents seems to go "well I guess that's that, I can't possibly do anything to manage this."

The pot of money isn't endless and there are so many things which need funding. In an ideal world we would have much smaller classes, more would happen outside so kids can move around, there would be 1:1 teaching for when needed, gifted children would be challenged rather than the focus on just getting everyone up to the minimum. There would be specialist staff in every classroom to support teachers and unlimited quiet corners and rooms with all of the best resources science has to offer.

But there's not. So parents need to ask themselves how they can fill the gap and work with schools rather than expecting teachers to fix it all for them.

Have read all your posts, OP, and feel so much for the position you are in. So much of what you’ve written resonates with things we have struggled with - both the abrupt change from coping to not coping and the bewilderment navigating all the different types of provision when we, as parents, are not experts or even aware of the range of services there are.

If helpful at all, we’ve found most help through an OT who explained what’s happening in his brain and nervous system in a way both we and he could understand. It made sense of why he was able to cope for a long while but then seemed abruptly unable to cope when social and academic demands got higher. She also explained how when he is dysregulated he goes into ‘tiger brain’ and literally doesn’t have access to the executive function necessary to make the choices he wants to because he’s in a fight or flight state. It took so much of the shame away for the meltdowns to understand this, and then allowed us to target his support to try to avoid the triggers rather than coping with the consequences again and again.

It sounds from what you say this is what his current teacher is doing - and she doesn’t have capacity in a busy classroom to notice when things are getting too much. And perhaps your son has been holding it together as much as he can for a long time and his ‘battery’ is now depleted to the extent that things are always at the edge of too much at school.

Again, if helpful at all, what helped for us in terms of stuff at home was talking through at bedtime when he’s calm what happened each day - good and bad - in detail and writing it down so we could start to work out what specifically was challenging - eg specific lessons or specific peer interactions. I then made an ‘energy accounting’ style plan of his school week showing where the hardest bits were and the school worked with us to put supports in for those specific triggers. Our boy is a bit older so can notice these himself now and start to take action before he gets to a really bad state. This makes him feel more in control and it’s been a positive spiral for him.

Good luck - it’s a very hard situation you’re in with not enough resource available to help parents or schools to support kids properly.

As a mother if a 10 year old child, I would absolutely not be happy if she was sharing a classroom with a child with violent tendencies, even if it was only 'on occassion', and I would make that very clear to the school via their complaints process. Whilst he may have not lashed out directly (yet) there are clearly aggressive tendencies and there is obviously no way to guarantee another child or teacher wouldn't get hurt after time - either accidently or deliberate.
I'm absolutely sure the school would have conducted a risk assessment as its not easy for them to deny access for a student. Personally, even as an able bodied, relatively fit adult, I'd have concerns about my ability to safely restrain a 9 year old boy with harming him or myself in the process.

And thats not even including the amount of disruption that would cause to the learning.

Your DH is correct, you should start looking at specialist education routes ASAP so he doesn't miss a long period of education. Specialist provision is not abundant, so timing is of the essence to avoid him falling too far behind.

If you send me the names and addresses of the "parents who seem to go "well I guess that's that, I can't possibly do anything to manage this."

... then I'll go speak to them about their poor attitude. On the other hand, if this is Daily Mail bullshit being repeated, and actually most (not all, but most) parents have already worn themselves thin trying to help their child and fight against multiple systems that are working against them, then you might want to rethink your prejudices.

I think it is quite clear from the OP's posts that she is willing to work with the school, but the school has given her very little information.

That's the 64 million dollar question, isn't it?!

The year 6 to 7 transition in this country is so difficult and risky. I would like to see a LOT .ore research and support going into it.

Nobody is saying that. Schools don't have unlimited staff or resources. Therefore they can't allow 30 kids to be ignored and sidelined for one kid who can't cope in a classroom. I'm sure we would all love our kids to have 1:1 support but it's just not possible. I'm not saying that's right or fair, but it's just not possible at the moment.
Most parents would be fighting for their child's education like OP and it's parents doing so which gets stuff changed but if schools aren't properly funded they are limited.

Most teachers go into the role because they want to teach. Nobody wants a child to be left behind. Schools aren't doing this because they don't care about this child's education, they just have to be pragmatic. 30 kids get a good education Vs 1.

There are a lot of options in between "tolerate the situation as it is" and "refuse to educate anyone who differs from the norm or who is experiencing some problems".

It's not prejudice, that's a cop-out. It's easy to say when challenged and the difficult questions are asked. There are too many kids who don't know how to use a book. Too many who are addicted to screens. That's on parents. Screens make your child LESS regulated but parents get stuck in a cycle of depending on them.

Me too.

What makes me the most nervous is that specialist schools in the area just aren't an option for him so if it all goes to shit in Year 7, the options will be even more limited. He had some time with a home tutor in Year 4 and hated every minute of it so that wouldn't be ideal either.

I'm just crossing my fingers that with his strong EHCP, me generally knowing my stuff and the fact the school I have in mind for him has been recommended by his current schools SENCO (who is great) that things will go smoothly or at least not completely fall apart.

I think it's a huge shame people think like this.

I regularly walk down the road or take my children on public transport where they are exposed to people with "violent tendencies" - where there is no way to guarantee they won't get harmed, deliberately or accidentally (and the liklihood of harm is 1000x more than that of being in a school environment) but I do try to teach them not to judge other people and I can teach them what is sensible and what is risky... But I know I can't shield them from all harm, unless I want to lock them away from society. And society cannot lock away everyone who has potential to be a risk to others.

If a child is regularly, dangerously violent, then there needs to be different guards in place to a child who gets dysregulated, but the dysregulation can be more safely dealt with.

I hope that the adults who know the child well can make a plan to ensure they get treated kindly and like another valuable human being, whatever their future education looks like.

I think you can be hopeful. Insider knowledge is very good.

Have you spoken to the secondary about extended transition?