To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

If no one is available the HT should be in there supporting. Children should be put first

I have seen lots of pupils struggle to reintegrate after the summer holidays. New teacher/classes/dynamics have got a lot of pupils unsettled, particularly those with SEND.

LAs prefer often to spend money contesting support

Don’t they just! The general public would be aghast at the exorbitant amounts of money LAs waste defending indefensible cases often against unrepresented parents.

Over the years, my LA has spent 6 figures defending appeals I have made to the FtT for my DSs’ EHCPs. Barristers, solicitors, paralegals. Including a very nice sum years ago to a barrister to turn up late on the morning of one final hearing and concede. That isn’t including the money the LA has spent on internal staff dealing with the appeals to SENDIST. Neither does it include the costs the LA has incurred when I have pursued JR proceedings, their costs related to my complaints and LGO claims, or a small claims court case.

That was our experience too. The LA seemed happy to spend more money defending silly decision that they were always going to lose, and did lose at tribunal. They would have saved money making the correct decision to begin with. The system is so messed up and seems to rely on the hope that parents are not willing/able to advocate effectively for their children.

Correct. This is pretty much why I left teaching. I just wanted to teach the kids maths or whatever not constantly be dealing with a ream of "reasonable adjustments" (brewed up by people who don't have to implement them) for half a dozen kids in the class, and be expected to sense when any one of them was about to lose control, call me a cunt and smash stuff up due to totally normal classroom life. I feel sorry for the other 25 kids who didn't have the option of quitting. There was no joy in that classroom. Even a fun little game of Wordle before home time was impossible because someone would kick off if they didn't get a turn.

There are teachers who enjoy working with challenging kids like that. They get jobs in special schools and have 4 times as many adults in the room.

I haven't read the full thread, but I think I've read enough of your responses to get the gist that most people commenting have no idea what it is like to deal with children with additional needs.
My advice would be:

1. Emergency EHCP review, but as a minimum this will take 2 weeks (in reality you're probably looking at after October half term now if you want the LA to attend)
2. I'd arrange an urgent meeting with his teacher and the SENCo. From what you've said, I think you're correct in thinking that she is not aware of how to deescalate before he reaches meltdown, at which point it is too late. I'd gauge her reaction to what you have to say: does she want to learn and help DS or does she seem defensive/dismissive? If the latter, I'd then request a different class if possible or for a familiar TA to be around at least initially.
3. I'm not saying he has PDA by any means, but if you haven't already seen them, I'd have a look at PDA strategies (I say this because from what you have said, it sounds like this is how you deal with him at home) and consider if this is worth sharing with the school.
4. It sounds like he is very sensitive to rejection and perceives being sent home as rejection. Every time they send him home, this is obviously making this feeling stronger. Can they do some interventions like ELSA to help with this perception?
5. And personally I'd only do this if things do not change after giving school the opportunity, because it risks ruining your relationship with school and could backfire and get him permanently excluded, but I would ask that they stop with the illegal suspensions and either keep him, or provide paperwork and formally suspend him everytime they want to send him home.

Good luck OP. In my experience, a good teacher that truly understands them makes a world of difference.

Head teachers are generally quite busy and aren't sitting around twiddling their thumbs.
There are also a lot of conflicting interests when it comes to funding education. Every child deserves a good education but there isn't enough funding for that. You could argue that if there is any spare capacity, it should be going on high ability children. State education is probably pitched at the middle with a very large chunk of funding going to SEND. Where are you going to make the cuts to fund more support? There isn't an infinite pot of money, however much we would like there to be.

Call maybe, however to send a child home without formally excluding them is UNLAWFUL

What legal battles are schools going into?

The UK education establishment are definitely NOT of the view, largely, that spare cash should go on "high ability children"!

It is a mistake to assume that SEND = low ability.

I wondered that. Sometimes academy trusts - the corporate parts - but individual schools aren't retaining lawyers!

They aren't, but you suggested they should be entering them with the LA. Apologies if I misunderstood. What did you mean?

The previous poster suggested schools should be taking legal action. They generally don't.

YABU. My kid was on the other side of this, and subject to another kid's outbursts, violence and dysregulation all of last school year. The parent refused to take responsibility for the actions of their child. My kid is now so anxious that they struggle to go to school, and can't stand being separated from me, where they were previously incredibly independent. It's one thing to keep them there, being a danger to other children, if there aren't alternative provisions available. It's completely another to keep them there because of how moving them makes you feel

Sorry but this is deeply unfair on the other children in the class. This school is not the right environment for your son. You need to find somewhere else.

Except, if you had read the thread and used the knowledge gained, you will have seen that all children are legally entitled to a full time education and by asking the parent to pick up their child, the school are are instigating an illegal suspension.

Department of Education guidance documents and legislation have been shared here.

How can you take responsibility if it is due to a disability your child has? Taking responsibility suggests you are hinting at poor parenting.

“As a parent you do have to learn that resources are scarce and your child is not the only one that counts.
In terms of illegal exclusions, other pupils aren’t relevant. Other pupils aren’t a get out of jail free card allowing the school to act unlawfully. In terms of provision in EHCPs and that provision being delivered, other pupils aren’t relevant either. Provision in EHCPs is based on needs, not other pupils or resources and the LA has a duty to provide the provision in F regardless of other pupils or what resources they say are available.”

@roaringdragon - you keep saying all of this. But at the end of the day, it is clear the OP is trying and hoping to take a long term view. She is desperate for her child to be part of society and function as normally as possible with all the shit/noise/stress that entails in relationships/the work place etc. So shielding him completely is not what she wants! She wants him to develop the communication skills to signal early distress and the teacher to spot them too - both working together. That is pretty clear from her replies. It is specifically what she is asking for and a way to get that.
Going nuclear on this that and the other lawfulness and accommodations may help temporarily and may help in a burn out situation, but it really does not work long term for many kids. It is OK to be socially and emotionally delayed, but what she doesn’t want is the system to arrest her child and babyfy them for life. She made that pretty clear and also that he is achieving well enough academically. He just cannot regulate socially and emotionally and now that things are harder academically. Which is entirely typical for year 5 as they prepare for the key stages of learning now.

And @Binnyforthewin.

Unfortunately, there is a no win for anyone here.

The costs associated with the demands some parents make for school places are astounding. It is not uncommon for places in special schools to cost the LA in excess of £100,000 per child per year. This is funded from the LA SEN budget, the same budget that has to include all children with SEN.

Sadly, due to the Conservative government cutting LA budgets combined with the academy system, means that there is a gap in SEN provision, filled by expensive private venture.
My LA have had plans approved, for five years plus, for a new special school but due to the academy system LA’s can no longer open new schools, only a DfE appointed trust can. Finding a trust to do this/that has the capacity to do this has taken years. We now have another three empty school sites awaiting trusts too.

The system was left a mess!

We sometimes phone parents and ask them to collect their children, to stop things escalating.

A headteacher in a room makes no difference when that child is being let down by the LA making them go into a mainstream environment in the first place, if anything, having the head provide cover prolongs the distress for a child who should be in suitable provision instead of the cheap option the LA has enforced.

Playing back some of what you’ve said;

It doesn’t sound like school was actually working at anything more than babysitting service level last year. If he was spending a lot of time out of the classroom then that would suggest he wasn’t coping with being in class. If he’s not there, he’s probably not getting taught as the quiet space is likely to be just that. Not a teaching space.

If They could easily staff that last year, and spotted warning signs sooner then he was on the premises all day but not necessarily in class. That wasn’t being in mainstream education. That was being in a quiet room on mainstream premises. This year he may be getting frustrated faster if he’s fallen behind peers by being out of class last year. The new teacher may not recognise the warning signs. They may not be able to staff the quiet room in the same way. If he’s bigger it also gets trickier to handle.

Taking him home informally probably isn’t helping though. It may help to say you’ll wait while they report the exclusion. And not leave til it’s done.

You can take a long term view, work with the school, work towards DC developing independence and other skills, etc. while also not allowing the LA and school to get away with acting unlawfully. I completely disagree that challenging unlawful behaviour doesn’t help long term.

DC don’t just get provision because their parents demand it.

Not funding support in the short term doesn’t save money in the longer term.

I have 2 DC whose EOTAS/EOTIS packages cost well over £100k, but they have that because they are legally entitled to it, not because we demanded it.

The thing is that many LAs do not have much specialist provision for primary aged pupils. The expectation is that they will manage in mainstream, albeit with a 1 to 1 helper.

In this case I would be looking a lot more at the 1 to 1 support. He needs this full time, not just at certain times, and he needs someone who understands his needs and triggers - the class teacher is not in a position to do this. The 1 to 1 supporter should be doing sensory activities with him to keep him calm and removing him from the class at the first sign of trouble.

Is this happening? If not, OP needs to get the LA to fund more hours and school needs to be using a trained TA who has the flexibility to meet his needs.

Some schools won't make allowances for children who aren't coping. Is his school the type that expects total obedience to whatever is happening at any point?

My daughter was incredibly disregulated at primary and it was the TAs who helped her. They would take her out and let her run around the playground rather than sit and fidget in class and starts to become disruptive. But I know that some schools won't allow it.