To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

It requires a hell of a lot less staff time and money to do the latter two of the things I mentioned than what will be getting used right now. So why aren't school doing the last one? Not to mention it's literally the schools job to do those latter two things anyway.

I reported the thread to @Mumsnet earlier and asked them if they'd move it to SEN.

I honestly didnt realise there was this much you were supposed to know yourself.

You are not realistically "supposed to" know this stuff. The system as it works currently is broken/not fit for purpose. In terms of the legal side ie what counts as an exclusion - it's not supposed to work like the schools are doing it but this is what they do because they basically have no good choices. It shouldn't be on parents to put this right. Unfortunately there basically isn't anybody else. Almost every school is doing things like this because they have no choices either so the governing bodies that oversee how schools operate can't stop it. Most parents don't know any of this and can't put it right, and knowing doesn't imbue you with the power to implement any of it either.

I have basically been relying on school telling me what needs doing and obviously that hasnt worked brilliantly.

In terms of what support is needed in classrooms etc and what to advocate for - again, you are not supposed to know this stuff. SEN specialists/support staff such as OTs, ed psych etc know this stuff. Years ago under the older system, your DS would not have been in mainstream for very long if at all, he would have been in a specialist school earlier on and they would know what support he needed. If inclusion was done properly in the first place, all MS schools would have access to SEN specialists, there would be an OT, SALT, behaviour specialist etc working with multiple schools in a LA and so the school would have access to people who know this stuff. This was just never done/funded, so inclusion is a total shitshow with teachers and school staff not knowing what DC need and not listening much to parents because parents' knowledge is so variable and attitudes to boot.

I just keep thinking about DS being told he is going to a different school because he cant behave and that really bothers me.

This bothers me as well. SO many adults see it through this perspective and I feel I am always talking to deaf ears when I try to explain it that it is NOT because of the child's behaviour, it is because a school isn't meeting the child's needs and the child is ending up in extreme distress, of which the behaviour is a symptom. If you do end up considering special schools and looking at them, DO NOT tell DS he will go there "if he can't behave", DO NOT put it on him as a kind of challenge or test that he is passing or failing, and try (if you can, because I failed) to impress upon the school staff that they must not explain it to him this way either and absolutely not threaten him with it in order to try and persuade him to behave. The choice of school (type) is not actually a decision that he has input over at all. It is an adult decision based on what is best for him, it is absolutely nothing to do with choices he makes.

If your DS needed glasses and this was causing him difficulty in learning to read, you would not tell him "You need these glasses because you can't read!" you would tell him "These glasses will help you see things more clearly".

If your DS's shoes were too small and causing him to limp, you would not tell him "You are getting new shoes because you can't walk properly!" you would tell him "These shoes are too small - we need to get some new ones which fit you better".

I know it feels different, because throwing chairs and pushing over tables feels like a behavioural choice but it is not really a choice any more than limping because your feet hurt is a choice.

Me too!

Thank you for the correction, this is really encouraging to hear.

OP I do hope you can get better strategies and support in place for DS. All strength to you!

Of course. Not disputed and not the sole reason that I suggested mainstream may not be the long term solution for OP’s son

Yesterday there was a thread about school refusal and how we should just make our distressed children go in, be firmer, take away their tech, it's all our own fault for being bad parents in some way or another. You send the kid in and they throw a chair or are disruptive because they can't cope and it's all 'omg you're such a bad parent expecting your child to be in school and making others put up with this'. The irony is almost comical, if it wasn't so bloody depressing. You literally can't win as a parent of SEND children.

The problem is too many EHCPs are poor. It relies on parents knowing the law and advocating for their DC.

@Jacobator just because DS was refused before doesn’t mean he isn’t eligible for DLA. He absolutely meets the criteria. Sadly, being refused didn’t mean he wasn’t eligible when you applied before either.

Agreed now my son is in a special school its easier but not as easy as you might think he has a reasonable adjustment every year it vanishes from the classroom and everyone pretends they have no idea what he needs every year I have the conversation on repeat to get him this adjustment next time I might not bother and he can kick off they can deal with the consequences (ok I wont but im pissed off today) in the last few years they have never asked how I can just tell he doesn't have what he needs its obvious when im getting bit and attacked he isnt getting what he needs at school

Schools have to show that they are using the equivalent of £6k from existing school SEND budgets before additional funds are allocated to a child. So if your ds was allocated £6k, the school would be spending £12k. I appreciate that it's not enough to fully fund a 1:1, but it's a school's legal requirement to cover the first £6k.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5484488-ehcp-support-thread-no-6?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

There are very few special schools. Certainly nowhere near enough for the number of children posters on mumsnet seem to think should be in them!

The school is acting illegally in excluding the ds's son.

There are appropriate routes to take if they feel they cannot meet his current level of need. However, from what the OP has described, there are many more strategies the school could be trying, and levels of funding and support to apply for before they start saying they can't meet his needs.

The Government has an inclusion agenda for schools. Schools are expected to accommodate children with additional needs in mainstream schools.

The fact that the OPs ds has an EHCP gives him further legal protection.

LAs will only do it if forced, but EHCPs can be fully funded. That won’t happen if the EHCP is poor, though.

But if he has an EHCP and the school has agreed to provide certain things, i do think they have some responsibility for putting those things in place

I've seen many, many EHCPs. They don't pay any heed to what a school actually has or is able to provide - a dedicated hydrotherapy pool with qualified teachers who also all hold both current nursing registration and chartered physiotherapist status comes to mind. Or the ones where the child required a suite of classrooms because they mustn't ever see or hear a smaller child - but the single designated staff member was to take them into the main playground to direct younger children to play with them every day (and not take any breaks themselves as their leaving to have a statutory break in an eight and a half hour day would cause the child to become dysregulated towards another member of staff and the first one upon return).

The LA 'consults', the school says 'we cannot meet those requirements', the LA ignores, once the time limit has expired, the LA directs. The school doesn't have to agree as that doesn't matter to the LA, especially when they've not just got their determination to get the cheapest, most unsuitable placement, they've got a parent who wishes their child could be safe and happily in mainstream and doesn't understand that what is being expected is sadly, impossible.

Seeing it as a punishment for being bad is unfair on your son. He seems to need - and deserves - a specialist provision so that he isn't unhappy and feeling like he's a failure or bad, so that he gets to enjoy his education rather than becoming distressed, frustrated or angry in an environment where, although they would love to be able to meet his needs as the LA has specified them, they cannot.

Is this a state school or private? If state there should be some sen funding/resource. Agree emergency annual review of ehcp. Look carefully at what has changed from last year to this year. Has he got loops as well as ear defenders? Maybe reducing overall noise (you can still hear). Is the teachers tone difficult for him? Can you look at easily identifiers of distress and get previous teacher to support better understanding with new teacher (then it’s not all just coming from you).

Everything you say here is reasonable. Obviously being ready to learn is age appropriate and his EHCP will have strategies to help. It’s simply that, when the strategies fail, they do need to call you to collect him. It’s disruptive for you and unfortunately it leaves you in flux, as you don’t know whether he will go back to coping more easily in the future. All you can do is muddle through, knowing that your son has the best Mum who does everything she can for him.

All mainstream school SEND policies take into account what a school can reasonably offer to facilitate a child in being ready to learn. It’s not ableist at all to point out that it is normal and acceptable for a school to call parents when those strategies fail.

I don’t think she should step away as it is helpful for her to hear the views of other parents, teachers, school leaders as well as those of us who have SEND kids. My SEND child was never aggressive but he certainly demanded a lot of attention/questions etc as he has high ability. As a parent you do have to learn that resources are scarce and your child is not the only one that counts. I am sorry but that is a fact of life.

But there is literally noone available to do it. It is either that or a Yr4 teacher or a physics teacher (depending on the phase) If schools had the budget they wouldn't go into legal battles, they would just just hire the TAs that they needed.

The thing is, this child has been at the school for 5 years presumably if he's 9. He's got an EHCP which brings money to the school. It doesn't sound like his provision is anything particularly expensive; the OP is paying £2k a month (!) for therapies that should almost certainly being provided and paid for by the LA.

So what's changed? He can't even have been back at this school for 3 weeks - after 5 years - and they're washing their hands of him?

As a parent you do have to learn that resources are scarce and your child is not the only one that counts.

In terms of illegal exclusions, other pupils aren’t relevant. Other pupils aren’t a get out of jail free card allowing the school to act unlawfully. In terms of provision in EHCPs and that provision being delivered, other pupils aren’t relevant either. Provision in EHCPs is based on needs, not other pupils or resources and the LA has a duty to provide the provision in F regardless of other pupils or what resources they say are available.

They might not. Many have a hiring freeze and some will only hire TAs from agency, because although it costs more, they can basically get them zero hours with no commitment on the employer's side. That is aside from the difficulty of actually hiring someone to do a not particularly attractive job when it is funded.

LAs prefer often to spend money contesting support because every month they can delay saves money and a lot of parents don't or can't challenge their decisions.

I work in the sector. The mainsteam doing a terrible job isn't a reason to send him to special. This is why there are no places in special! Paren with lost confidence.

Don't pick him up. Tell him they have to deal with it. Ring SENDIASS in your area for support.

If you really did base decisions for your child on resources being scarce then you wouldn't even consider a special school! As they cost much more. And yet posters are suggesting that. It's not very logical.