To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

Hi. I have read all your posts though not all the replies.

My advice is to speak to the senco about whether they will support you in asking for more support from the LA. What would that look like? More TA hours for starters, I expect.

Does he currently have OT or speech and language included in his ehc? If not, I would ask for both to be included, so he sees the therapists rather than it being delivered by the class teacher.

I would suggest you get a full sensory assessment carried out and implement sensory strategies at home to start helping him to calm down generally and give him strategies to use at school. Get hold of the book The Out of Synch Child and try some of the activities in it.

Get a full speech and language assessment carried out too. He may have receptive language problems which frustrate him.

If you find sensory or speech and language issues, he might qualify for a unit specialising in those. It may not be behaviour that is his main need. If he is helped to be calm and regulated he might stop acting up.

I would suggest you get in touch with SOS!SEN for support and understanding your rights are and what might help.

Also does he have any diagnoses? Does he get DLA?

Sending him home when not actually excluded with paperwork is an illegal exclusion.

I'd ask for a new ed psych assessment and urgent ehcp review to provide the support (Inc 1-1 if needed). If ed psych feels mainstream cannot work well for him regardless of support put in place then considering resource base or specialist will be advised.

I have a child in specialist and for him it is right. The environment of mainstream simply won't work. My other son is in mainstream with full 1-1.

Arrange an urgent meeting with senco as the current system is not working. They need to increase support while arranging ed psych and ehcp urgent review

Kind of similar situation. My Grandson is Autistic. My DD enrolled him in a main stream school.. Had all necessary meetings ect. He started there September 25.
He was 5. Within about 3 weeks of DGS. Starting school. She had the phone calls can you pick him up ect. It got to the point where, he was at school 2 1/2 hours a day. She managed to move him to a school far more suitable for his needs. This school is half an hour away. He gets picked up and bought home, by taxi. DGS is so much happier. My point of this is. Schools should not promise you something if they can't deliver this promise. Caused so much distress and heartache. To all involved. TYFR

My ds went down the school refusal route instead of throwing chairs, but a lot of what your boy is saying about school matches. Too loud, too many people in the way, work too hard etc. We also had the very strict style teacher making things worse issue.

He is now in a special school and the difference is phenomenal. I am also glad that he went there in primary, as I think it would have been harder to find a place for secondary. He does have much more of a trek in a taxi, when we used to have a 10 minute walk. But he is friends with the other kids, so sees it as extended social time.

£2bn Pupil Premium is a fair chunk of change.

Of course there are funding challenges and real term cuts per child for 15 ish years now but school funding is way, way above what it was when I was at school in the 80s.

Privately arranged for 2 of my kids to go to an alternative provision.. They're much happier, achieving better grades, and don't have meltdowns anymore for being forced to sit in an environment completely unsuitable for their needs...

have you looked into different kinds of alternative provisions or are you just assuming they're for the "worst of the worst?" as I've heard quoted by some people when I tell them about my kids placements, Im funding mine privately atm while we await EHCPs, but it sounds like you'd have no problem getting one to cover the costs, given the school themselves have said they can't meet his needs?
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They are not legally allowed to leave him sitting at home with no education. Make sure that you know your rights so that you can advocate for your son because they really do rely on parents not knowing things like this at times which is the same for what the school are currently doing with sending him home unlawfully.

I just feel like once we go down that road thats it, he gets labelled and everyone gives up trying to make mainstream work.

Or maybe he gets the support he needs in and environment that works better for him. Being in a specialist school isn't a punishment or something to be ashamed of.

As for all the people on here saying 'refuse to pick him up and the school will just have to cope' please don't do this. You will be putting your child's wellbeing at risk as well as the health and safety of other children and staff.

I think meet the teacher and also ask if you can be shown round the classroom by DS. He may be able to point out things he likes/dislikes.
If he is struggling for help with his work and can’t verbalise it, can the teacher bring in a whole class thing where a red card gets put up on the table by a student and she goes to that specific table to help, or even individually. That will teach everyone a bit of independence.
At the meeting you could then ask if he’s looking a bit overwhelmed could he maybe take an exercise book to another class/the office or go to the office and ask for something pointless like a pencil for a movement break?

What do they get then?
We have over 50 students with medical care plans. Not a penny extra.
Parents are entitled to get benefits, but schools just have to deal with it.
We are in a situation now that hardly anyone wants to be a first aider, as it’s too frightening.

OP why are you desperate to force your child through mainstream school when it's clearly unsafe and causing extreme distress to your child and probably every other child in the classroom?

Pupil Premium is funding for poor kids not for disabled kids.

You are right.

So practical steps could be:

You and DH both arrange a meeting. One of you takes notes when the other is talking. Make sure the Head and SENCO are there.
You check the date of the last Ofsted (online).
You write to the LA and request an emergency Annual Review. The IPSEA website should have a template for that.
DH starts making list of alternative schools just in case.
Next time you are asked to bring him home early, you refuse unless they give you exclusion paperwork. Get DH or a friend to back you up if necessary.

it doesn’t matter if the school and the OPs DH are saying he should be in specialist provision. The school is acting illegally and will be told this by the LA.

There are incredibly few special school places. Mainstream schools regularly tell parents that their child should be in a special school without any real idea of how hard it is to get a place, and how high the threshold is for entry. It’s so unhelpful when schools do this.

It's funding. Not from EHCP. You implied there wasn't any apart from the per pupil grant.

There is considerable overlap between SEND and Pupil Premium status.

He hasn’t been managing in mainstream until now though has he? Or he wouldn’t have an EHCP which is already failing and your DH wouldn’t have suddenly started suggesting special schools just as a result of the last couple of weeks.
DS has been scraping through the best he can but maybe he’s coming to a point where it’s too hard for him to keep doing so in mainstream.

The work is getting harder because he wasn’t always in class last year (you mention jobs away from class and quiet space to calm him down), so now the time he’s missed means he isn’t following the progression of this years learning which will increase outbursts which will increase time out of class and continue to compound the issue in a vicious circle.

Older DS will not be at the same school for much longer so maybe now is a good time to start exploring other options for younger DS. As you said, it takes time to find such placements. He’s soon going to need to cope without his brother regardless of school. Properly looking into alternative provision isn’t the same as committing to it- you can keep him in mainstream if you choose but you may find that once you’ve looked/ visited alternatives that you and DS see that there are places that suit him better.

You sound like you don’t want to consider a special school because of your own perceptions- you say how can I explain to him he is being sent to a different school because he has been bad. Please change that train of thought. He’s not being sent to a different school because he’s been bad. He’s being given an opportunity at a place which can offer him the best chance to learn and develop in an environment that suits him for who he is. He doesn’t sound very happy where he is now and has many years of school ahead of him

Do you understand that "EHCP" is quite a significant "label"?

You don’t have to be poor to get Pupil Premium…

That’s really helpful to give those clear steps to the OP.

He's not being punished, but the school can't cope with his needs and behaviour. Focusing their resources on your son would mean many other children going without. Give the school time and/or look into other options.

The notional SEN budget is money that is supposed to be used to support DC with SEN.

Schools can apply for high needs top up funding. This doesn’t require an EHCP.

Schools also receive pupil premium (and where relevant service pupil premium and/or pupil premium plus). You didn’t say only funding for DC with SEN. You said no extra funding other than for EHCPs.

I would ask for an emergency EHCP review and also ask the school for written evidence of how they have been following the existing plan. They would have had to say they could meet the plan for your son to have a place there. I think you need to get to the bottom of whether it's the case that his needs have changed or if the school aren't following the plan and being sent home is the result. Specialist school or not is a different question. I would have the review and get a clearer understanding of what's not working now before making any decisions about changing setting.

It may be nice for YOU to have your sons together at the same school, but have you read The Explosive Child - the central themes of which are 'All Kids Do Well When They Can', and 'A Meltdown is a Cry for Help'. The fact that your son is having meltdowns means that it is not the right environment for him. Put yourself in his shoes - he doesn't want to be melting down, he wants to thrive. He deserves a low demand, nurturing setting that caters to his needs, whatever they are. The EHCP can make sure he gets that, whether it be forest school, a special school, EOTAS, you have a say. But please see his meltdowns as a cry for help and answer them as such, he deserves to be happy and legally he has a right to access an education.