AIBU to think sons discussing relationship problems with mums is different?

Why do you think it's bad for men to talk to their mothers about relationship issues? As a mother of a son I don't agree at all?

Completely disagree, it is no different whether mum of boys or girls. I am a mum of adult boys in relationships who have always spoken to me about their relationships. In fact one girlfriend commented about it.

I think what is important though, is to be empathetic and supportive but not always take their side and not interfere overly. There are times I’ve listened but then told my son he wasn’t listening to his girlfriend or he needed to rethink his approach. Mums that can see no wrong in their little darlings even if they are being dicks are the problem mother in laws. Everyone needs an ear to listen to them at times.

I would never talk to my mother about my relationship and would absolutely hate it if my husband spoke to his mother about it.

I haven't heard that it's a bad thing? My sons can talk to me about the same things as my daughter x

I don't see why it makes any difference at all whether it's a man or a woman talking to their mum; what does make a difference is whether the mum is a sensible person to confide in or not and whether the person wants to discuss their personal info. If the mother-in-law (or mother) is going to be an interfering so and so then confiding in them is probably a bad idea whether it's a daughte or a son.

My son speaks to me about his relationships.

Like another poster, I don’t think he’s a little angel who can do no wrong and I will tell him so if necessary.

Can you explain why it feels different, Op?

I have young adults - boys and girls - and I am their first stop for anything they need advice about. I don't notice a difference between my sons and my daughters.

I wouldn’t confide in my mum and would be pissed if dh was his mum.

I think it comes down to if you have a bad mil anyway and then your dh is always running off telling tales the relationship between dil and mil is never going to improve. Especially if you’ve already got the type who thinks you stole her baby or that you’re the reason he doesn’t visit and that you withhold the grandbabies.

Where’s sils don’t tend to get judged as much by their mils or at least openly to their faces. They are not expected to be the ones doing well the wife work. Not often are they accused of stealing their baby girls or withholding the grandchildren and such.

It’s the inlaw dynamic that makes it a bad idea.

also not sharing at all with family is a good idea because just because you forgive your partner something doesn’t mean your family won’t hold a grudge or be forever judging them.

I don't think it's different between men and women, but I honestly can't imagine discussing my relationship with my dm.

I guess there's a difference between discussing how things are, which seems more ok, and complaining about your partner, which doesn't?

I just thing discussing relationships is more "friend or sibling" territory. No one wants romance advice from a parent, surely?

I think it's good as I can give a female point of view on why their girlfriends may act a certain way, if they ask.

You're a mother, not just a mother-in-law (and given your sons are young and unmarried, do their girlfriends even consider you to be "mother-in-law"?)

It's nice of you to try and be a good mother-in-law, but that definitely shouldn't come before trying to be a good mother.

My sons talk to me about their relationships.

I also don't take life advice from ChatGPT, and I voted YABU for that.

I think it's a child/parent thing far more than a male/female thing. I don't have a daughter, but am happy to have relationship discussions with my son, who will talk to both his parents.

I think that at the end of the day it's more about listening than giving advice anyway.

a young man speaking to his mother about his relationship problems would definitely be seen as bad

I have never heard anyone express this view.

Presumably your sons are not discussing anything with you that would scare the 🐴🐴?

The only thing that’s making it ‘different’ to you is your own gendered ideas about men and women.

Why on earth wouldn’t they? If it’s fine for daughters then it’s also fine for sons.
As long as the person is someone they trust, then young men should absolutely be able to talk through whatever they want with whoever they choose. Perhaps if men weren’t encouraged to suffer in silence rather than talk, suicide rates amongst young men might be less high

Depends on the child-parent relationship. I could never sensibly discuss my relationship with my mother. However DH has often gone to his mum for advice and she has been sensible and helpful.

I never discussed my relationship with mum and I would not discuss anything DSs relationship with his girlfriend either. Isn’t it going behind someone’s back? Why not talk directly to your partner? Unless you are 12 years old.

@Kippergodzillar in what way are you getting it wrong? Please give us an example.

I have two young adult DC. They both talk to me about their relationships. Why would DS not talk to me? I don’t understand?

My sons have talked to me about relationship issues. My DiL have thanked me for it. It feels 'wrong' only if you stereotype mothers of sons as automatically against their Dil.
I think its a really dangerous thing tbh to tell men they can't talk to their mothers. I've just watched a news report about the importance of men being able to talk in suicide prevention.
Don't ever push your sons away if they want to talk.