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Original poster

To ask if my boyfriend doing this last night is ‘normal’?

527 replies

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 15:45

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

OP posts:
WhatNextImScared · 08/09/2026 22:20

That is disgusting

Pumpkinsaregrowingnicely · 08/09/2026 22:21

He is telling you loud and clear he has no respect for you.

WhatNextImScared · 08/09/2026 22:22

Callmyoutagainthen1986 · 08/09/2026 22:17

Huge red flag. The poo isn’t the problem, (even though it’s disgusting and never in a million years would I or my husband do that) the boundary crossing & laughing in your face about it is the big problem. Wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be abusive/coercive . So sorry it must be overwhelming for you reading all this. I honestly would break up asap. Not worth an ounce more time. He’ll probably try and make you seem crazy for breaking up over this but honestly you have this whole thread of people saying otherwise.

I agree with this. It’s fine for two people to have very different social expectations around this depending on upbringing/past experiences, but when he realised you were uncomfortable he should have apologised and promised not to cross that line again.

Awkwardisfunny · 08/09/2026 22:27

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/09/2026 18:31

You’ve completely misunderstood what I said. This sort of behaviour might be a non issue for you, but for most people early in a relationship, with two other toilets available, he’s territory marking, he’s purposely embarrassed the OP, he’s disrespectful and disgusting and then he laughed about it. He’s the sort of bloke who says things like “you’ve got no sense of humour”, “it was only a joke”, “you need to lighten up”, while doing things that are unacceptable. It’s a red flag. When you’ve been married to somebody like this, you realise how abusive it is.

OP, you’ve got to get rid of this utter prick.

Show quote history

I agree with everything you said, bar 'he embarrassed the OP'... That's the bit I don't understand. Why is it embarrassing for her?

Ashhh56 · 08/09/2026 22:41

I'd have got out of the bath immediately on realising what he was doing and ended it tbh. That's grim. It was bad enough when my ex would shit in the en-suite and I'd hear the plopping/farts 😭🤢

Could not imagine shagging anyone I'd just visibly seen shitting and wiping his arse. Did he wash his hands?

The mental image would absolutely haunt me.

AquamarinePearlGold · 08/09/2026 22:50

OldrNWisr · 08/09/2026 16:00

That kind of behaviour 4 months into a relationship is not a good sign. I would be showing him the door for that. As a pp has said, it’s a bit of a power move at worst and disgusting and disrespectful at best. Either way I’d be done with him.

This.

Greenmouldycheese · 08/09/2026 22:57

Ive never done this but I do know of couples that do.

GenerationX1969 · 08/09/2026 23:04

When we were first together, my DH always ruined my baths by saying he needed a poo. He’d be knocking on the door saying he was desperate. So I would get out because there was no way I was staying in there!!
Things only improved when we moved to a bigger place with 2 toilets!

LilacBalloons · 08/09/2026 23:05

No, not normal and gross. Most people would find this horrifying. Feels like he might be testing boundaries.

BusyExpert · 08/09/2026 23:10

I have been married for 48 years and we have never found it necessary to share this particular experience.
it is frankly gross.

Thedogscollar · 08/09/2026 23:11

Known dh 45 years never ever would he do this. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way if he did.
Truly revolting.

Pickledonion1999 · 08/09/2026 23:13

I used to know a couple where one would be having a dump whilst the other was at the sink shaving or cleaning their teeth. I never quite understood it. My dd's ex bf's family went one step further and mum would be taking a dump whilst son was in the shower. they would also all walk around naked in front of each other, parents and adult kids. Behavior I would deem bizarre but obviously all families are different !!

Minasama · 08/09/2026 23:14

This is not remotely ok. Surely he must be aware this isn’t usual. For me this would be a deal breaker unless he apologises and promises not to do it again and sticks to that. We don’t even do wees in front of each other in our house.

I’m with others who say there’s something wrong with his reaction and it seems like a red flag for being controlling/abusive. Certainly it’s a red flag for being very basic and having no class or manners.

Pickledonion1999 · 08/09/2026 23:15

The only creature I do wees in front of is my dog who insists on following me everywhere !

aLittleWhiteHorse · 08/09/2026 23:16

If it was unavoidable I would not have a problem with seeing this but with two other bathrooms available to use for such a foul smelling act, just … why would he? I cannot think of any good reason.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 08/09/2026 23:19

Seems like the "honeymoon period" is over.

fashionqueen0123 · 08/09/2026 23:20

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 16:26

I have three toilets. I was in the main bathroom, there is also an en-suite and downstairs loo.

Reading the replies has made me realise it was likely deliberate/making a point.

Show quote history

Then why the hell did he use the one you were in! it would be different you had one and he was really desperate.
He chose to do it!

Justonemorething82 · 08/09/2026 23:31

Did he try and hold eye contact at the same time?

Next up he’ll be asking to see your “rose bloom” over a glass side table.

Redpaisley · 08/09/2026 23:42

porridgewithsalt · 08/09/2026 15:55

Hmm. I'm married 20 years and we would do this. However neither of us mind. If you do mind and he doesn't respect that going forward, that's an issue. So it's less about the action and more about his respect for your viewpoints and preferences. If you explained you didn't like it and he apologised and said he wouldn't do it again then that's ok. If he deliberately poos in your presence to piss you off then it's a dumping offence

Do you have no problem with the smell? 👃

Wiseplumnet · 08/09/2026 23:48

It is something my child did at 4 years old, I would be wallowing happily in the lovely bath bubbles enjoying the warm peace and in they would come for a shit and a chat! Adult man, no way, unless absolute.emergency.

Summerlovingtheraspberries · 08/09/2026 23:50

Hell mo. That is gross.

Ohnobackagain · 08/09/2026 23:52

The only place I’ve ever seen this is an episode of Father Ted when Father Stone comes to stay and does this when Father Ted is having a bath 🤔🫣 @Helenaslide Ted thinks he is having an urgent pee until he sits down. Was he having some kind of bet with his mate? Absolutely minging!

Waitingfordoggo · 08/09/2026 23:55

anonymous24601 · 08/09/2026 16:32

If you've got three toilets there's no need to do that ever. He was making a point that you aren't allowed to have anything nice that he won't ruin.

Yes, exactly this. It’s actually sinister.

Waitingfordoggo · 08/09/2026 23:58

He’s well and truly asserting dominance in the most basic and primitive way. Throw this one back and run for the hills OP.

Fortheloveoffrogs · 09/09/2026 06:50

Helenaslide · 08/09/2026 15:45

I was having a bath last night and he came in and used the loo (no.2). I shouted and asked what he was playing at and he said he has always done this with partners and vice versa as have plenty of people he knows. He stayed for a couple of minutes until he had finished and left laughing.

For context - together 4 months, he was staying at mine last night.

He has said he won’t do it again but I feel a bit humiliated by it tbh.

If your boyfriend does something that humiliates you, then when you raise it, laughs at you, then says he won’t do it again but is not mortified and apologising profusely - he has shown you who he is. Listen carefully. If you don’t end the relationship over this, PLEASE start journaling. Then periodically look back over your entries and ask yourself if you are being respected. If your views and opinions are welcome. If your boundaries are adhered to.

Keep your eyes open and your brain switched on. Know your worth.