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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to give my daughter's friend a lift home in torrential rain?

304 replies

DinonneS · 08/09/2026 15:31

A bit of advice need to how to handle this situation. So dd is 15 and walks to and from school. It’s about a 10 min walk so not far and dd has a group of friends, including one of our neighbours dd, who all walk together. Today we have had torrential rain all day so I dropped her this morning and said I’d pick her up. Messaged my neighbour (who works until 7pm) and asked if she’d also like me to pick up her dd. She said yes please so I’ve rocked up outside school to pick the two of them up. While there I see dd’s friend who lives about. 20 min walk but only a 7 min drive away and offered her a lift too and it was genuinely pouring down. She was very grateful and I know her mum so I knew she’d have no problem with it. All in all the extra drop off took me an extra 15mins and we were home at 3.10pm instead of the usual 2.55pm. Neighbour has completely kicked off that I didn’t tell her I was picking up and dropping another child while her daughter was in the car. She said we’ll be chatting about it tonight when she’s back home. Not sure what I’ve done wrong tbh

OP posts:
WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 08/09/2026 19:37

In the other mum’s shoes, if I was wondering what the delay was and/or needed the DD home for some reason, I would text my own 15 year old to say ‘did X’s mum pick you up ok, you on your way back’? I’d have zero issue at a detour to drop someone else off and think you were very kind to ferry them all about in the rain. DS’s friend’s mum insisted on giving him a lift home from something once, but they then went off an hour long detour which was a complete pain as we were waiting to go out and DS didn’t have a key, but I wouldn’t have dreamed of complaining to the mum about it!

Holdinguphalfthesky · 08/09/2026 19:51

What’s the problem with “picking up and dropping another child while her daughter was in the car”?

Do you think she knows her daughter is in enclosed spaces with all sorts of other children while she’s at school every day!?

Fascinated to know what the words are that she wants to have with you, @DinonneS

Ifeeltheneedtheneedforcoffee · 08/09/2026 19:54

Throwaway65131 · 08/09/2026 17:36

I am presuming that knowing you were collecting her at x time and how long the journey takes was expecting her child to walk through the door at 2.55pm. Perhaps she is a worrier. When they did not walk through the door at the expected time, she was then forced to spend the next 15 minutes sick with worry and unable to think about anything else, convinced that something awful must have happened. Not necessarily that you had done something but that something bad had happened to her child.

if the child is a teenager, whilst they are old enough to message mum to say “hey we’re dropping off friend b as well”, they are still a child and tend not to forward think about things like that.

Maybe they’re seen as overreacting, but if they were genuinely upset and afraid that could explain their attitude towards you.

YANBU at all to give dd’s other little friend a lift. It would be cruel to make them walk. But where it might be slightly that YABU is that you told or made neighbour think child would be home at 2.55 then took them on a jaunt without letting her know the revised ETA, leaving her completely in the dark to worry about her until you finally brought her back (15 minutes probably seems like a long time if you thought your child was being brought home by a trusted neighbour but they have not been!)

Please update us on how this goes when you speak with neighbour!

Phones work both ways.
If the mum was worried she could have messaged or rang her daughter rather than being "sick with worry" for 15 mins
It is not ops responsibility and I personally would prefer the person giving my dd a lift not to also be texting/ringing while she did it

viques · 08/09/2026 19:59

15 minutes! If it had been an hour then she might have a point, but 15 minutes is the same as a couple of red traffic lights, a few people walking slowly over a zebra crossing or some people digging up the road causing a tail back!

You poor neighbours daughter will need to invest in some sturdy boots and a good waterproof because she won’t be getting warm, dry comfortable lifts home any more.

Rubyupbeat · 08/09/2026 20:05

Please let us know what her 'reasoning ' is.

KLD89 · 08/09/2026 20:12

Yikes! “How dare you pick up and drop off another 15yr old child, so they didn’t get drowned in the torrential rain. Only my daughter should have been in your car, nobody else”

Is she a helicopter mom? Or, is she just one of those who thinks she’s more entitled than anybody else to things.
I hope you don’t/didn’t let her go in on you.
Tell her not to be so ungrateful and let her know clearly you won’t offer a hand ever again.

Bottom line - Your car, you decide who gets in it.
You asked her permission (like you should) and she gave it. You didn’t do anything wrong.

1coconut2coconut3coconut4 · 08/09/2026 20:12

I would just say - oh sorry youre upset, I couldn't leave a kid out in the rain, if you dont want me to take DD next time then no problem.

If she argues further just make an excuse and leave.

Kensingtonbuns · 08/09/2026 20:13

Maybe the DD was meant to be home for activity/music lesson at 3.

I just wouldn't take her again.

3luckystars · 08/09/2026 20:22

Ok well why is this the OPs problem? She offered a lift to a child in the rain and beggars can’t be choosers about other passengers.

Busses, lifts and even flights get delayed all the time. Is everyone this anxious now?

if she was so worried why didn’t she text her DAUGHTER and why does she want to have words with someone who gave her child a lift home in a dry car. She sounds like an absolute head case.

ForEdgyHare · 08/09/2026 20:29

I voted the wrong one!!!
OP your neighbour is being ridiculous!
After you have done her favour too! Some people. Anyway sorry again. I voted YBU but I actually meant to press YANU

cheeseomelette · 08/09/2026 20:38

This is deranged.

SquirrelGG · 08/09/2026 20:48

annonymousse · 08/09/2026 15:35

I'd be telling her the words she searching for are "thank you" and in future I will leave her daughter to walk and get soaked. Like they say no good deed goes unpunished.

As often the first response nails it.

Your neighbour is deranged.

hotmumshit · 08/09/2026 20:50

She was probably having a manic half an hour, keep us updated x

Gonners · 08/09/2026 20:53

I wonder if you'll even hear from her, OP? A 2 minute conversation with her daughter might well have discouraged her. If not, then (because I am evil) I might mention it to her next time you cross paths.

Goditsmemargaret · 08/09/2026 20:59

It's such a weird response that I'd assume something unexpected is going to be revealed later - I can't think what but something.

I wouldn't keep my evening free though just send a message saying "hi, I won't actually be able to chat but feel free to send me a voice note and let me know what the issue is please."

HB1625 · 08/09/2026 21:01

Do let us know what this batshit woman finds to complain about when you hear back from her!

daisyydaisyy · 08/09/2026 21:02

Can’t wait to see what this woman has said about it! You did something nice, she sounds mental.

Friendlygingercat · 08/09/2026 21:04

She said we’ll be chatting about it tonight when she’s back home.

I have always held that the only good neighbour is a dead one.

Dweetfidilove · 08/09/2026 21:13

I'd be so eager to hear what she thinks we'll be chatting about; I'd probably wait for her at the gate 🙄.

wigywhoo · 08/09/2026 21:13

you are not being Unreasonable! She’s bonkers!

side issue, but I’m shocked how early school finishes! DS finishes at 3:45!

ifonlytheydlisten · 08/09/2026 21:15

She’s bonkers

scalt · 08/09/2026 21:19

amber763 · 08/09/2026 17:56

Lol what? Those are mental! Especially what if the pps husband saw her on the dash cam! Who thinks like this?

Show quote history

Who thinks like this? Lots of Mumsnetters. There have been many, many threads of this sort, where the question was asked totally seriously.

“AIBU to be fewmin’ that DD was shown Jaws at a friends house?”

”AIBU to never let my DD go to a sleepover, because I don’t know anything about the host’s DH? He could be a pervert, better safe than sorry.”

DestituteDesperate · 08/09/2026 21:25

OP you’re truly kind and wonderful. You did nothing wrong and in future, if this is the thanks you get, don’t bother with the neighbours DD.

seahorsessky · 08/09/2026 21:37

scalt · 08/09/2026 17:45

There have been lots of threads like the ones in my list on MN, where the question was asked totally seriously. “Friend’s mum gave my DD a lift - was she DBS checked?”

Probably that'll soon be the norm, not even joking. When I was at school, there was a ruckus about a teacher giving a student a lift, and a lot of the grandparents said it was a fuss about nothing (this was after the Sting song!), but you would never get a teacher doing that today!

Sally2791 · 08/09/2026 21:43

Batshit.