AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

There’s only one kennel I’d use. It’s like a dog hotel and they have a whale of a time. My parents wouldn’t put their dog in kennels over 30 years ago because it made him miserable. It was cruel.

Would be an absolute NO from me. One dog is one dog too many. Your house - your rules. And as for going to them, say no, life is too short to do things you don’t want to do.

I’ve got a trusted dog sitter. I’ll book her if the person I’m seeing is decent and I enjoy their company and decline the invite if not.

Stop with the hyperbole. People who dislike dogs aren't "throwing tantrums" any more than dog lovers who never go anywhere without their dog.

I agree that it is unreasonable to leave a dog on its own all day, but it is also unreasonable to expect to be able to take a dog with you everywhere you go. Some dog owners "throw tantrums" because they won't ever be separated from their dogs, and don't understand that some people just dislike dogs.

I like dogs but don't own one because they are too much of a commitment and a tie.

What is the maximum amount of time you are prepared to leave a dog for? Enough to go to the cinema? Out for a meal? Go shopping?

Prioritise your human children and their Christmas op. What is most important is that they have a nice time and magical memories. They don’t need to be inflicted with chaos, noise and smell. Or relatives who love their animals more than their family.

I leave my dog for up to 4 hours, as per the professional advice. Obviously not from day 1, we needed to build up to that with training, she could probably be left for that long from around a year. She a breed known to be nervous and needing human company, so we've worked hard to get here (and need to keep re-inforcing training).

It's absolutely fine to decline invitations if you don't want to be around dogs, just as it is to decline invitations if they are not compatible with responsibilities to your pets.

What is not OK, and in my experience, it tends to be those wanting everything dog free who do this, is not graciously accepting the polite decline, and trying ro insist people leave their dogs for extended periods or kennel them when the pet owners know that would cause distress, and then throwing tantrums when people don't do what they want . (Equally not OK would be trying to insist that a dog disliker must come to an event with dogs present, and throwing a tantrum if they won't, but that's something I rarely see).

We have this problem as a family aswell, but we only have 4 dogs between us. A couple of christmas’ ago it was hell, as my sisters were totally untrained, stealing food out my toddlers hands. Awful. We all agreed to put them all in kennels the next year, it was much better. Would they be willing to put at least a few in kennels?
10 dogs sounds like hell

Kennels are not suitable for all dogs, and it's up to the dog owners to make that choice.

But the alternative to that choice is not “bring your dog” just because you’re too precious to put it in a kennel

The alternative is to decline the invitation. Which impacts nobody except the dog owner who has made their choice.

They are being unreasonable but to keep the peace I would pop in for an hour Xmas morning. If they live close it’s an easy time to have a short visit - busy day etc

Exactly. And this needs to be accepted gracefully.

I never take my dog to dog free spaces, or people's homes where they are not welcomed. As a result, sometimes I have to politely decline invitations. That's OK, I accept that as part and parcel of the responsibility of dog ownership. What isn't OK is people being arsey about me declining events or trying to bully me into doing things that will cause my dog distress for their own convenience.

You keep saying “convenience”. It’s not about convenience, it’s about maintaining family relationships.

If maintaining relationships is important compromises can be achieved. One party can’t dictate what the other should do because they don’t like the alternative.

It's for someone else's convenience. Perfectly possible for family relationships to be maintained at a dog friendly venue, or at a dog free venue where a dog owner could attend without leaving their dog for more than 4 hours (e.g. lunch/drinks/activity etc at a venue located where the dog owner could reasonably travel there and back and do the activity in a 4 hour window). I'm quite happy to compromise on activity or location but that compromise cannot be doing something that means I have to disregard my responsibility towards my dog or cause her distress.

Just as you are reasonable to have a hard line of "no dogs present", which you are not prepared to compromise on, you must have respect for a dog owners hard line of "not leaving my dog alone for more than 4 hours or causing them distress by kenneling them", which is just as valid as your hard line.

I have a family member with 2 chaotic dogs. We can't have them visit here because they won't ever leave the dogs at home and they upset our pets.

The best compromise I have managed is to meet them outside for a walk for a couple of hours.

It has reduced the contact a lot and they never invite us to visit them. We would go to their house if invited but we're not so we don't go.

10 dogs and all those people would be far too much for me. Have your Christmas at home and perhaps suggest an outdoor meet up if possible.

10 dogs and 2 small children in an environment which isn’t familiar for all doesn’t really bode well I don’t think. Two excitable kids and over excited dogs could lead to situation nobody wants (it wouldn’t be either of their faults). This would be a hard no for me.

Aside from that I’m allergic to dog fur so there wouldn’t be a discussion to be had. I don’t mind dog ironically, their fur just dislikes me! My son does have a dog phobia though and we had therapy for a while so would be a no simply on his behalf.

Sounds like heaven to me! I'd be sat playing with dogs rather than making small talk with family the whole time 😆

10 dogs with kids in the mix too. No thank you. Ive been to parties at my brother's with 3. 1 small and 2 large. It doesn't work that well, dogs get trod on and I personally can't think its a good idea. Certainly not fun and festive.
You've offered alternatives. The dogs have no idea its xmas. The kids however do. Its a shame the adults with dogs won't move on what they want to see their child relatives.
Could you suggest a country walk and pub thing? If they won't come to yours? Easier to manage the dogs in that way.

Suggest a Boxing Day walk where they can all be outside and burnofc Xmas dinner!

That’s the perfect solution !!

Leaving the dogs for an hour to go for a drink, yes.

10 dogs on a walk, no. They'd be under your feet all the time, tripping everyone over. Someone would probably end up in A&E. Nope.

It really isn’t!! 10 poorly behaved over excited dogs on a walk having been cooped up all Xmas equals either dragging their owners about on lead or completely out of control off lead
no thank you

It would only work if all dogs were on a short lead but these don’t sound like the sort of owners to do that - they sound like the sort of people to say it’s “not fair” on the dogs or some other nonsense

I agree. I really don’t think I’m ‘throwing a tantrum’ when I object to a dog attacking my child.