AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

I don’t mind dogs, I’ve had my own over the years but when did dogs become incapable of being left at home for a few hours? They now seem to be treated like children and have to be taken everywhere.
Also, why do some dog people take it so personally if others say they’d rather not have their dog visit?

When were we discussing a dog attacking a child? I'm talking about people throwing a tantrum because I've politely declined an inviation because it's incompatible with my existing responsibilities to my dog. It's absolutely fine to not want to be around my dog, but the consequence of that os that I'll have to decline certain events, which I fully accept as part and patcel of having a dog. What is absolutely unacceptable though is people getting pissy about that and demanding that I do things that would be distressing to my dog like leaving her for extended periods or kenelling her so that I can attend rather than simply accepting that I can't come.

It's always been cruel to leave dogs alone for extended periods. This isn't a new thing. Generally 4 hours each day is the limit advised by professionals, that hasn't changed in the decades I've been a dog owner. In fact, I can remember my Aunt and Uncle staying for only about 4 hours for Christmas lunch in the 70s because they had to get back for the dog. It's not new advice, nor has it suddenly become cruel to leave dogs alone, it's always been so. Perhaps there are less irresponsible/neglectful owners now?

Honestly I think you are extreme. What is the issue with the dogs exactly? Can’t they be shut in another room for a while whilst you visit? I think it’s strange to be so insistent that this is a deal breaker for you. Unless the dogs are aggressive in which case you are completely reasonable. I am assuming they are family dogs and therefore somewhat trained and live in family settings so are used to having people around.

So many dog people seem to find that an unacceptable request I have learnt. They usually say things like “it’s the dogs home too” or “it’s mean to leave them out” or some other ridiculous sentiment as if a dog has any concept. Not all - and some are happy to do, they are usually the more easy going dog owners in general but there is a section of dog people who just refuse to do this.

I don’t think shutting 10 dogs in a room would work though really - how could you be sure they weren’t destroying everything or getting into fights and how on earth would you manage the toileting?

Those visiting should leave their dogs at home. We have a well trained dog but she still stays at home if we go to people's houses. Those hosting should walk and feed their dog, obviously, then stick it in a room away from guests,
It's basic manners but so many owners are lacking.

I'd stick to your idea of hosting on Christmas eve or boxing day make it clear without all their dogs and if they don't come fine!

I can’t help how many times people have let their dogs sniff my child who is absolutely terrified of dogs, and even chase me and my child. Most of the time they offer up a weak ‘the dog won’t hurt you’, and act like there is something wrong with my child for not wanting a dog all over her. I wouldn’t go to a house where dogs were roaming free.
On the other hand, I have friends who are responsible dog owners and respect the fact that not everyone likes dogs.

OP isn’t wrong for not wanting to go, but the dog owners aren’t wrong either for not wanting to leave their dogs.

It’s not basic manners. Our dogs live here, visitors know they live here and I’m not going to shut them away for anyone. If our guests don’t like them it’s tough. Don’t visit us.

To put 10 dogs in a room would be cruel and silly.

They need to be left at home. Obviously if the mil does host she can't but then she needs to put her dogs in a different if guests aren't keen.

No one needs to do anything just because you say so Gloriia.

And there is one in the wild! What is so problematic about your dog snoozing in the utility room with the door shut while guests are here? People like you really do need to get a grip!

I’ve been in a similar position. The problem is that with great big smelly dogs all over the furniture and more people in the house, there’s no where safe to sit. There’s either a dog getting hair all over a chair or a dog putting their slobbery face all over you because it wants to get on the chair you’re sat on. I am a dog lover but it’s gross. In the end I just told my husband and as the years have gone on, dogs (and people 🥲) have died, so it’s more tolerable. But I really don’t blame you for not going.

'OP isn’t wrong for not wanting to go, but the dog owners aren’t wrong either for not wanting to leave their dogs'

Well then they need to stay at home. To have 10 dogs in a house at Christmas is ridiculous. Honestly I'm a considerate sensible dog owners and the entitled silly behaviour of some never ceases to amaze me.

We haven’t got a utility room. And we don’t have people who can’t cope with having a dog in the same room in the house. Intolerance is a two way street - it’s not dog haters’ prerogative. People like you need to get a grip too.

My auntie was killed by her son-in-law's 'friendly' dog when visiting. Enough said!

The 'my dogs live here and come before any visiting guests' posters are usually the ones who let them lick leftovers directly from owners plates, have them perched on customers chairs in cafes, and are frequently heard parroting 'he's just saying hello and being friendly!' As their out of control dog jumps up at everyone on walkies .

Other room of your choice is available. It’s not about dog hating. There are many reasons why having the dog around makes things difficult for guests - allergies, young children, lack of space, mobility issues. Putting the dog away ensures the comfort of your guests which is part of being a good host. If you won’t do that, you don’t get to host.

'And we don’t have people who can’t cope with having a dog in the same room in the house'

The thread is about 10 dogs visiting. That a good idea do you think?!

If you're an experienced and responsible dog owner surely you can see it's a recipe for disaster plus not very kind. Dogs tend to like a bit of space and quiet. It's basic stuff.

That's not up to you. It's up to the home owner to decide if dogs are welcome or not. If they are welcome, and OP doesn't like that, then she has the choice to politely decline.

I swear some people get dogs because it gives them a reason to be contrary and difficult. I’ve never seen it with other pets, where suddenly the animal is the centre of the universe and everyone else can naff off if they don’t agree. It’s hostile.
Pets don’t last forever but fractured family relationships from people coming second to an animal probably won’t ever recover.

You are so annoying! That’s just not true. It is about a family Christmas which means that’s the views of all family members need to be considered to ensure everyone has a comfortable and enjoyable day. The homeowner allowing 10 dogs when they know someone is uncomfortable with that is exactly the same as a host who refuses to cater to their vegetarian sister in law. It’s just not kind!

So agree - I have openly heard them say that it gives them an excuse to leave things (if I respected it as an excuse of course!)

I adore dogs. Honest, I am a bit batshit about them.

Dogs need to stay at home at Christmas time. There is just too much going on. As for 10 poorly behaved mutts in one place - that is a recipe for disaster, or at the very least a very stressful Xmas.

HARD nope from me. Your ILs are BONKERS

It'll be at Christmas. Family like to be together and they shouldn't have to decline because of stupid people thinking 10 dogs in one house is ok.

Family should come before dogs, but also again as I keep on saying the welfare of dogs is important and having 10 in one house is not nice for them. They like their own space and some quiet time. Obviously you'd think but here we are.

As a dog lover, I agree. Yes, the dog lives here and we treat him as if he is royalty. But if we want people to visit us and feel comfortable we have to accept we have to modify our behaviour while they’re here.