Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

442 replies

Xmasinkennels · 07/09/2026 17:35

So the Christmas plans have started. MIL thinks she is in charge of everyone’s schedules and movements 24-26 dec.

Last year we declined as they all have dogs!

This year she is trying to insist on various times at various peoples houses and I’ve said no ! We can’t be around any of the dogs!

We’ve offered to host here on Xmas eve or Boxing Day but that’s an absolute no as nobody can leave their beloved pets.

She can’t/wont accept that we just don’t like their dogs. MIL has two yappy snappy yorkies. SIL has four dogs. BIL 1 has three. BIL 2 has one. None are well trained and they all smell and it’s just not festive to me at all!!!

We offered alternatives! AIBU to stick to my guns on this

OP posts:
ovals · 11/09/2026 18:15

BakersKitchen · 11/09/2026 18:11

It’s not my will. It’s my medical need.

And actually most people don’t mind because most people have their priorities in order

Show quote history

In that case you’ve spent a lot of time complaining about something that doesn’t cause you any problems?

Gloriia · 11/09/2026 18:29

'I don’t need to lock them away when tradesmen, or indeed anyone comes. I can place them in their beds and they stay there until I release them'

Wow, extraordinary! I've never known a dog stay on its bed until 'released', natural behaviour is to get up and greet visitors (calmly obviously) then be kept away from tradesmen/visitors depending on the visitors choice,.

pinkiphoneandwine · 11/09/2026 18:38

Gloriia · 11/09/2026 18:29

'I don’t need to lock them away when tradesmen, or indeed anyone comes. I can place them in their beds and they stay there until I release them'

Wow, extraordinary! I've never known a dog stay on its bed until 'released', natural behaviour is to get up and greet visitors (calmly obviously) then be kept away from tradesmen/visitors depending on the visitors choice,.

You have never met extremely well trained dogs then. How extraordinary!!! When you have 10+ dogs, it’s necessary to maintain order. And most people don’t want to be approached by 10+ dogs at once, however calmly, with no warning and without their permission. I’m sure you can understand that 😎

ovals · 11/09/2026 18:43

Gloriia · 11/09/2026 18:29

'I don’t need to lock them away when tradesmen, or indeed anyone comes. I can place them in their beds and they stay there until I release them'

Wow, extraordinary! I've never known a dog stay on its bed until 'released', natural behaviour is to get up and greet visitors (calmly obviously) then be kept away from tradesmen/visitors depending on the visitors choice,.

Really? It’s fairly standard for well trained dogs. Perhaps you don’t know as much as you make out you do. Extraordinary!

mrsm43s · 11/09/2026 20:51

BakersKitchen · 11/09/2026 18:11

It’s not my will. It’s my medical need.

And actually most people don’t mind because most people have their priorities in order

Show quote history

Your medical need is that you must spend time in someone's house that will trigger your allergies, rather than meeting them in a dog-free and allergen free space? Weird. I think you'd be better off thinking of some other compromises!

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 06:18

BakersKitchen · 11/09/2026 16:12

Actually it does make a difference to the point where it is tolerable. It would be extremely limiting to never go anywhere that has had a dog so there is an element of suffering that needs to be endured. If the dog is shut in another room and the host has hoovered beforehand, it is manageable with strong antihistamines. It is not the case otherwise. Why would you presume to know how other people experience their allergies?

Show quote history

"Why would you presume to know how other people experience their allergies?"

The same way that ppl presume to know how other people experience the relationship with their pet. 😘

Gloriia · 12/09/2026 07:54

ovals · 11/09/2026 18:43

Really? It’s fairly standard for well trained dogs. Perhaps you don’t know as much as you make out you do. Extraordinary!

Show quote history

I know loads of people with well trained dogs. For example they are able to be left for short times, they are able to stay away from visitors if required, they don't howl if at home alone.

Not one stays immobile on its bed like a statue when someone enters a room until <checks notes> 'released' by the owner. That's really weird .

Dogs are inquisitive, they are usually friendly and like to say hello in their own environment. This is all normal behaviour Confused

Anyway back to the op, people's feelings come before dogs and all dogs are happy in a bed a chew away from noise and chaos. Do try and put their welfare first.

ovals · 12/09/2026 08:12

Gloriia · 12/09/2026 07:54

I know loads of people with well trained dogs. For example they are able to be left for short times, they are able to stay away from visitors if required, they don't howl if at home alone.

Not one stays immobile on its bed like a statue when someone enters a room until <checks notes> 'released' by the owner. That's really weird .

Dogs are inquisitive, they are usually friendly and like to say hello in their own environment. This is all normal behaviour Confused

Anyway back to the op, people's feelings come before dogs and all dogs are happy in a bed a chew away from noise and chaos. Do try and put their welfare first.

Show quote history

Nope, it really isn’t weird. Fairly standard. You really aren’t the know it all you think you are.

My dog’s welfare is paramount to me, I understand his needs and realise there’s not a one size fits all solution. Now, why don’t you go and spend some time with your dog before tucking it up with chew behind a closed door for the rest of the day.

Gloriia · 12/09/2026 08:31

ovals · 12/09/2026 08:12

Nope, it really isn’t weird. Fairly standard. You really aren’t the know it all you think you are.

My dog’s welfare is paramount to me, I understand his needs and realise there’s not a one size fits all solution. Now, why don’t you go and spend some time with your dog before tucking it up with chew behind a closed door for the rest of the day.

Show quote history

You keep making these comments about me being a know it all, which is true tbf. Here's an idea just ignore me and stop quoting me?

Ive just been out for an hour with my well trained dog thanks then yes I will tuck her up with a chew whilst I pop to a friend's as I'm a considerate owner and don't enforce my lovely dog on others. Try it.

BakersKitchen · 12/09/2026 09:02

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 06:18

"Why would you presume to know how other people experience their allergies?"

The same way that ppl presume to know how other people experience the relationship with their pet. 😘

Show quote history

I’m not presuming anything, I just don’t respect it 🤷🏼‍♀️

ovals · 12/09/2026 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mrsm43s · 12/09/2026 09:30

BakersKitchen · 12/09/2026 09:02

I’m not presuming anything, I just don’t respect it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

You've hit the nail on the head. You lack respect for other people's situations and think only what you want matters. I'm glad you recognise that.

BakersKitchen · 12/09/2026 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 11:23

mrsm43s · 12/09/2026 09:30

You've hit the nail on the head. You lack respect for other people's situations and think only what you want matters. I'm glad you recognise that.

Show quote history

Madness isn't it? How embarassing

BIossomtoes · 12/09/2026 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Plenty of real relationships, thanks. Including the one with my dogs.

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Itiswhysofew · 12/09/2026 15:59

Just me I'd go for the fun of it, even though I'd hate the stink. I definitely wouldnt have any children amongst all that.

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 16:37

BakersKitchen · 12/09/2026 09:02

I’m not presuming anything, I just don’t respect it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

You don't respenct other people's beliefs about what they consider to be their own family?

That's horrid.

BakersKitchen · 12/09/2026 17:06

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 16:37

You don't respenct other people's beliefs about what they consider to be their own family?

That's horrid.

Show quote history

You can call it horrid if you like, I don’t mind. I call it rational.

FFSItsTooHot · 12/09/2026 17:09

I'm a dog lover but even I would balk at the prospect of having to spend the day with 10 smelly, badly behaved dogs!

TheLastNotch · 12/09/2026 17:14

BakersKitchen · 12/09/2026 17:06

You can call it horrid if you like, I don’t mind. I call it rational.

Show quote history

I'm sure in your head it is 🥴😵‍💫

Cornishclio · 12/09/2026 17:58

I like dogs but 10 in one house especially if badly behaved is not something I would want. If they won’t compromise by meeting somewhere for a few hours then I would let your DH go alone.

mrsm43s · 12/09/2026 19:02

There's something very satifying about that point in an online discussion when the person you're disagreeing with manages to prove your point in their own posts better than you ever could have! And then they keep doubling down and proving it again and again...

pinkiphoneandwine · 12/09/2026 19:09

Gloriia · 12/09/2026 08:31

You keep making these comments about me being a know it all, which is true tbf. Here's an idea just ignore me and stop quoting me?

Ive just been out for an hour with my well trained dog thanks then yes I will tuck her up with a chew whilst I pop to a friend's as I'm a considerate owner and don't enforce my lovely dog on others. Try it.

Show quote history

So you don’t have more than 10? Perhaps you can see how, if you did, you might need to run things a bit differently? And, even with one, you can’t stop your “lovely, well trained” dog approaching other people? You can’t send said well trained dog to its bed and it stays there? THAT is weird, for me at least.