AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

I think you’re filling in gaps that aren’t there. That poster has said she will decline invites if a suitable sitter isn’t available for her dog. What’s wrong with that? She’s also said she won’t lock her dog away if visitors turn up. I wouldn’t either. Just because you would it doesn’t make you right and us wrong.

Also, gently? With your sly digs?

I think the dog owners who are openly vocal and honest about not being able to leave their dog with just any old person, or for longer than 4-5 hours alone, or explaining how they have ended up with a dog who is too nervous to be stuck in kennels or get distressed at being locked away are doing a good deed tbh.

Some dogs could be fine with any, or all of the above. But there is an element of "you don't know what you're going to get" that you sign up for when you get a dog.

And yes, they are all tie. You can't fuck off out for the day or do whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want for however long you want. Dogs are a massive, massive tie.

The more people are vocal and honest about this, the more widely known it is and the less dogs would end up in rescue.

I'm pretty sure those of you who claim you'd never shut your dog away would if you needed work done in the house like your boiler fixing or new sockets installed.

So why wouldn't you do it if a friend came around who was allergic or just didn't want your dog jumping all over them?

If you don't, I bet tradespeople hate having to deal with entitled owners and their out of control dogs.

Agreed. I foster and/or rehome dogs that have been badly treated. It’s not as black and white for some. I would love it if people truly considered what dog ownership can sometimes look like then took the responsibility seriously.

I don’t need to sit and have coffee with the tradesman. The dog and I would both stay out of the way. Takes minutes to open the door and show them what’s what.

I'd shut my dog in the room with me whilst the tradesperson did their job.

Happy to shut the dog in the room with me when a friend comes round, but not sure how that helps...

I don’t need to lock them away when tradesmen, or indeed anyone comes. I can place them in their beds and they stay there until I release them, they don’t need to be in a different room. Same goes for “jumping all over people”, they don’t do that. As for someone with an allergy, I have so many dogs that have free run of the downstairs of my house, it would be impossible for an allergy not to be triggered, even if the dogs were in another part of the house, so they’d be better to stay away. Funnily enough, in more than 30 years of multi dog ownership, and as someone who hosts very often, I’ve never come across any visitor with an allergy.

And I would add that tradesmen very often ask me to “release” them to play! Which I can do one at a time or en masse if that person is feeling particularly brave 🤣🤣🤣

They’re being polite - around 15% of the population have a dog or cat allergy. Obviously to varying degrees of severity.

The anti dog brigade aren’t polite. MN has shown that.

One dog is just about bearable if it's well behaved. Can folk not go back to collecting stamps instead of dogs.

The majority are polite and don’t moan about their allergy online. My DH is allergic to dogs and mostly doesn’t mention it. He just takes his antihistamines before going somewhere where he knows there will be dogs.

He’s not anti dog then? He has an allergy but takes medication rather than demand the world around him makes allowances.

His allergy probably isn’t that severe - it’s a spectrum from a light sniffle to full blown anaphylaxis for some people

Had a cat allergy my whole life. I only get mild symptoms, thankfully. BUT the cat being shut away in someone's home makes no difference honestly.

The cat lives there. The allergen is everywhere in the house, cat behind a door or not!

If someone truly has an allergy to an animal, they would require the person to not own the animal at all. (Obviously an unreasonable ask of your friends!)

All this "but I have an allergy so put the dog/cat in another room" lark is rubbish. If you actually have an allergy it won't make a difference.

I think this is true. He can cope visiting a household with one dog, with his medication. I’m aware that this isn’t the case for someone with a more serious allergy.

There’s no way we could visit a household with 10 dogs, though!

Actually it does make a difference to the point where it is tolerable. It would be extremely limiting to never go anywhere that has had a dog so there is an element of suffering that needs to be endured. If the dog is shut in another room and the host has hoovered beforehand, it is manageable with strong antihistamines. It is not the case otherwise. Why would you presume to know how other people experience their allergies?

But why not just meet in a dog free place in a location where the dog owner could travel and complete the activity within a reasobable time for the dog to be left (say 3 or 4 hours), rather than insisting on locking a dog away causing distress, and actively suffering an allergic reaction yourself?

Not dogs, but cats. DD is extremely allergic to cats. Industrial strength antihistamines don't touch it, so I can well believe that some people are this allergic to dogs.

DD is allergic to some dogs, but not on the scale that she is to cats. She had allergy testing through the GP and the letter he wrote to he stated that her allergy to cats "is off the scale".

Yes it’s a spectrum and people forget and treat it just as though it is a bit of hayfever which is not the case for many. I am allergic to cats as well although not as badly as dogs. My DH is the other way around.

Because increasingly the number of dog free places are few and far between. We’re just trying to exist in the world.

And because there are certain events, like Christmas for example, where they are centred around a person’s home.

And because you don’t always want to go out to a venue - there is intimacy in spending time at other people’s houses and them spending time at yours.

The issue is not the allergic person, or the person who doesn’t like dogs, it is the dog owner prioritising animals above people which is just wrong.

For a variety of reasons, most people stay for at least one night when they come to visit. If they have a severe allergy to dogs, I doubt they would. And honestly? The vast, vast majority of people who come to my house choose to interact with my dogs. I can easily keep them away if necessary (not shut away but they won’t approach a person unless they are asked and I release them) but most people ask me not to keep them away. This vehement hatred of dogs does seem to be a MN thing.

You refer to dogs as animals which will “soon be dead” and you are genuinely confused about why people might prioritise their dogs above you? Even if I didn’t have a dog, with that attitude, I wouldn’t ever invite you to visit.

So in summary, you won't compromise, expecting everyone else to bend to your will.

It’s not my will. It’s my medical need.

And actually most people don’t mind because most people have their priorities in order