AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

There is no way on earth that your house is truly clean with that many dogs living there. Next you will be saying that there is no smell!

Oh I see the point. I think it is you that doesn't, because you keep thinking that when people say "I CAN'T leave my dog shut in/alone for more than 4 hours/ put them in a kennel or leave them with a stranger because these things would be cruel and distressing to the animal I'm responsible for", that actually I'm saying "I just don't want to do that".

And you think you have the right to DEMAND someone's presence at events they are UNABLE to attend.

Let's be honest, you're just butthurt because not everyone is prepared to revolve their lives around you. You are not the centre of the world. Stop acting like you are.

I will decline any invitations which are not suitable for me to attend, as is my right. It is utterly unreasonable of you, or anyone else to think you have the right to summons me or demand my presence when the event is not compatible with my existing responsibilities.

I clean a lot but if you don’t like it, don’t come. Unlike some on this thread, I understand that no one is obliged to do anything they don’t want to.
But, like I’ve said, no one ever declines an invite to my house, it really does seem to be a MN thing.

Have you expressed this sentiment regarding their pet’s lack of value and imminent demise to your dog owning friends? If you have, don’t expect to be asked over to theirs again.

@TeenLifeMum would like to tell you you’re a terrible and neglectful dog owner and so is your whole family. Isn’t that right teenlifemum?

I think you sound like a very normal well balanced person who presumably takes good care of your dog, to be clear!

There is no way I or my kids would go to that. There are no dogs in our house (we’ve made exceptions for things like a friends ageing dog who didn’t have too long left and they didn’t like to leave him, every rule has an exception).
if the pil want to see their real grandbabies they will just have to come to yours without the dogs. If they don’t, their loss.

It's the OP's loss too, although she doesn't seem to like the in-laws much in the first place, so probably she won't mind.

A dog is a made up “responsibility”

Please explain. Any examples of other made up responsibilities would be good.

Depends on dog and distance - popping out for 3 hours is different to a day/8 hours (which would be neglectful) so maybe that poster’s family are close and don’t stay all day. But as a host, she’s also entitled to invite them all - as is the case in the op.

And the host doesn't need to "throw a tantrum" because some of the people they have invited don't want to spend Christmas with 10 dogs.

It is all very ott isn't it. However, on mn we see such a lot about no contact families, not answering doors, despising inlaws, dysfunctional relationships in general. It's maybe no wonder when some prioritise their pets over their friends and family.

There really is time for both, walk your dogs then visit people. Walk your dogs give it a pat then stick it in its bed if you have a visitor.

So many badly trained dogs that can't be left yet owners think it's a good idea to drag them round other people's houses who have loads of dogs themselves. No wonder there's so many nervy dogs!

Again with the obsession with “convenience” - you are the only person who has mentioned that. I’ve never mentioned it at all. It’s quite bizarre

I'm not advocating that they should. I've made my position on this very clear multiple times. I consider it perfectly reasonable for someone to choose to politely decline an invitation if it doesn't suit their needs (be that because dogs will be there or because dogs can't come).

The only reasonable response to someone declining an invitation is to gracefully accept it and respect their position.

The problem comes when people (and @BakersKitchenand one of two other dog frees have rather clearly demonstrated this on this thread) start tantrumming because others politely decline invitations rather than capitulating to their wants because they think what they want trumps others wants or needs. On this thread (and in my real life experience to) that entitled attitude only seems to come from the dog frees. Dog owners are far more happy to compromise or politely decline/graciously accept declines.

And the point is that doing that on lots of occasions is RUDE.

Expecting people to drop everything because you say so is RUDE.

You understand what convenience means, no? You want others to do things that aren't appropriate for them, because it makes it easier for you to get what YOU want. You want them to do it for your convenience. Good Grief!

You are not the centre of the world. Your wants do not trump other people's wants. The fact you cannot see this says an awful lot about you.

It's really not. No more so than constantly declining events because there will be a dog there.

Again, you are only seeing this through the lens of "I WANT" without seeing that what you want doesn't trump what other people want.

I wonder what reasons for turning down invitations isn’t RUDE? Lack of money? A child? Not enough annual leave? I reckon it’s just dogs, what with them being a made up responsibility.

If dogs aren't truly actual "real" responsibilities, then I guess the owner can't be held responsible if their not-real-responsibility-of-a-dog jumps up at you, slobbers all over your clothes, covers your jumper in mud and takes a shit in your handbag.

Like you said, they're "made up responsibilities" after all.... 😅

You have made it clear yes that you prioritise your pets over people but some of us are trying to gently tell you that is not a good idea.

What if you have grandkids who were allergic to dogs or just didn't like them. What then, would you seriously stick to your hard-line of stance 'accept my dogs will be around you or don't visit'?

You need to try to be more flexible or else it could well damage relationships.

Our dog is lovely but family and friends are important and their feelings count.

You're not reading my posts, are you?

I don't prioritise my pet over people, but I have a hard line of not causing my animal distress, so I won't leave her alone for more than 4 hours, nor lock her away, nor leave her with people that she's not happy or comfortable to be with. This is being a responsible pet owner.

I never want or expect to take my dog places she's not welcomed. I offer plenty of compromises - dog free venue where logistically we can travel & do the activity within 4 hours, changing dates so one of us is available for dog care, coming without one family member so they can stay home with the dog etc. And as a last resort, if the other side won't compromise, I politely decline the invitation.

I've literally never said the dog needs to be with us all the time.

If other people refuse to compromise when I offer so many compromises myself, if the relationship breaks down because we don't see each other, it's on them!

I disagree with most of your opinions on Mumsnet. But on dog threads, you are my absolute hero! If all dog owners were like you, they would be far fewer dog threads on here.