AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

I’d have some sympathy but your attitude on this thread makes that difficult.

@Gloriia why are you so certain that everything you say is a fact? In reality, you know nothing about how others treat their dogs and what their dogs enjoy. They’re not all the same and have different wants and needs. The majority of your comments are just thinly disguised digs at people who do things differently to you.

Oh well just have a nebuliser as well as loads of anti histamines silly. Ring 111 if any deterioration. Whatever you do remember dogs come first!

I bet some of these owners just have themselves and fido for company 24/7 so it's a moot point anyway.

We are dog lovers and have a dog friendly house as long as the dogs are well behaved, but that would be too many dogs for me lol. I'd keep saying No and have your own holiday traditions at home. Just refuse to discuss it anymore.

Ooh a loneliness jibe @Gloriia ? True to form!

Daycare, rover, housesitting or boarding are not suitable for my dog, and would cause her intense distress. I'm happy to decline events.

I don't dictate my dog must attend anywhere, nor dictate that anyone else must attend events at my house. I'm happy to decline events politely, and gracefully accept if others decline my invitations. What I object to is entitled Madams or Misters thinking they have the right to demand my presence as if they are my overlords and are entitled to summons me and order me around.

People are entitled to decline invitations for any reason and anyone not accepting a decline graciously is being really unpleasant. I don't exist for your entertainment or to serve you.

Of course I walk them! Tired dogs are good dogs. They are well exercised and very well trained. They don’t approach guests unless I allow it, I can and do “bed” them and they won’t move, they don’t beg for food or jump up. And, yes, I can easily put them in their space away from the rest of the house, they have everything they need there, but, they’d rather be with us and, as I said, I simply don’t want to, I’d rather they were with me. It’s my house and my choice. If you don’t want to be around dogs, don’t come, but, no one has ever refused.
Would I take all of them to someone else’s house? Absolutely not. Do I leave them for more than 4 hours? Also absolutely not. So, like a PP, I will decline those invitations. Just like people are free to decline invitations to my house. But don’t seem to 🤷‍♀️

So you have basically essentially created a situation where you are completely unwilling to move an inch to support people in your life at important events. How can you now see how rude that is? I don’t believe there isn’t a single suitable dog care option for your dog

I agree with this. I understand if people say it’s too stressful for the dogs to be separated, or if they don’t’t have the space, but “simply don’t want to” imagine situation where friends or families have made a request is a pretty strong statement of where your priorities lie. I have two dogs. If someone asks, I will put them away. It’s no skin of my or their nose.

How can you not see how rude YOU are, insisting that @mrsm43s runs her life according to your requirements? Her life, her choice, she’s not insisting you partake, in any way.

Which is of course your prerogative. Your house, your rules. Same way as it is mine to say I simply don’t want to. Neither is “better”, just different. And, like I keep reiterating, it’s never been an issue for us, in more than 30 years of multiple dog ownership and probably monthly large events at my house.

'Would I take all of them to someone else’s house? Absolutely not'

Good to hear! Tuck them up with a chew and don't force them on others.

Perhaps don’t force your beliefs on others? And I don’t “tuck them up” with a chew, anywhere. And, like I said, if you’re in my house, you are with my dogs. Accept it or don’t come. Like pp said, no skin off my nose.

Yes but you've just said you don't take them to other people's homes so there's that at least

Hopefully you agree the ops scenario of 10 visiting dogs on Christmas day at mils would not be in the dogs best interests.

I can’t believe some of the comments on this thread! I have no issue with dogs but they are not humans and should not be prioritised over friends and family. To think otherwise is completely unhinged! I can’t imagine these people claiming they turn down invitations in case their dogs get a bit anxious have many friends. They must have pretty shit relationships with family too. I have a cat, she is my baby and is extremely spoiled but I would never put her before actual humans or decline invites. If people visiting me aren’t keen on cats or are allergic to them then I keep her away from them otherwise I’d be a shit host. Having someone’s out of control dog jump all over you is extremely irritating as is the phrase ‘If you just say hello to him, he’ll settle down’ What if I have no interest in ‘saying hello’ to your dog? Why is what Rover wants more important than my desire not to be scratched and slobbered over?

Exactly! Surely all of these ‘anxious’ dogs will be a hell of a lot more anxious being surrounded by another 9 dogs!

It isn’t, you simply don’t go to their house. Why is this so complicated? Don’t like it, don’t go. That way, everyone is happy.

That's an awful lot of dogs. We one in our family who honestly the best behaved of all of us but he an only .ten is a pack. Yanbu.

I'm very happy to compromise. I've repeatedly said that. It's just that the compromise can't be something that conflicts with my responsibilities as a responsible pet owner to not neglect or csuse distress to the innocent animal I'm responsible for. How are you not getting that? It's actually you who is refusing any compromise, insisting you must have everything your own way, not me.

Our dog can be left with either DH, Me, adult DD or adult DS. In the case of a family wedding, if DH & I were invited, then one of the adult children would provide pet care. If all four of us were invited, whoever was least bothered about going would provide pet care. At Christmas, we prioritise our nuclear family of 4 staying together, and so obviously would decline invitations they were incompatible with dog care.

We are happy to meet up separately to each other, so the dog can be looked after by the other, or meet up together without the dog if an adult child is free. Equally we're happy to meet up in a dog friendly venue, as long as logistically we can complete the travel and activity within a 4 hour period.

These are just some of the many compromises we make.

So pray tell me, @BakersKitchen, what compromises do you make? Because all I'm hearing from you is "I insist on my way only only, you must do what I demand, I don't see why I should compromise..." like a self-centred, brattish spoiled child with no consideration for others

There is no compromise for me personally when the “compromise” would involve an asthma attack and several days unwell. It’s like I have already said to you multiple times - you are mistaking dog and no dog as equal starting positions, and “wanting to bring a dog” and “not being able to be around a dog” as equally difficult positions when they just aren’t.

I will tolerate going to a dog owners house dosed up on antihistamine if the dog is shut away and the home owner has had a good hoover. Thankfully most dog owners I know don’t have a problem with this because i, their human friend of many years, am more important than their pet which will be dead soon.

No, I wouldn’t take all mine to anyone else’s house. They are well behaved and well trained but to take them to a new house, with new people, on an excitable day like Christmas Day is, for me at least, setting them up to fail. I would go myself, for a couple of hours but I don’t leave mine for more than 4 hours, so I’d go home at that point.
I have already said, I have more than 10 dogs myself and my house is in no way chaos, but I appreciate with multiple dogs from different households, that isn’t always the case. That said, because we have so many, a lot of our visitors bring their dogs, so it’s not unusual for us to have an awful lot more than 10 dogs in our house at any one time. My dogs are hugely tolerant, accept new dogs with no issue and will teach them some manners if necessary! Again, that has never been an issue.
I fear we are going off point. Op is not unreasonable to refuse to attend, but it is also not unreasonable for dog owners to decline invitations.

Of course there's a compromise, you are just not prepared to budge from "I WANT!".

What's wrong with meeting in a dog free place at a location where the dog owner could get back within 4 hours?

Or changing the date to a day where the dog owner's partner or family were available to provide dog care?

Or having a catch up online or a long telephone call?

Or simply being polite and gracious and accepting that sometimes others can't make it?

But no! Only you matter. It's all ME, ME, ME! I Demand you do what I say!

Edited to add: Oh I see you edited your post to provide a compromise. That's at least progress.

honestly I don’t think you could see the point if it ran up to you and slapped you around the face

“I am more important than their pet which will be dead soon”? Are you unwell? Or sociopathic? Either way, very unpleasant and unnecessary comment which says a great deal about you.

10 dogs even well behaved would be a no for me.

Yet wonders why some people decline invites 🤔