AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

Seriously- you put your dog before family?? The world is going crazy.

Sounds perfect to me but I have 2 large dogs and prefer dogs to the majority of humans. I wouldn’t take my dogs to a large gathering as they wouldn’t enjoy it but we arrange our Christmas plans around our dogs too so we visit family and then make sure we are home for the majority of the time with. I also have a horse to consider so can’t be spending the whole day set around a family members house leaving my animals without being properly cared for.

If you don’t like dogs I think it’s fair to decline spending it with them but that is your choice - as it is your family’s choice to have their dogs with them at Christmas.

If I shut my dog away in a room, she wouldn't snooze! She'd be extremely scared and distressed, cry continuously, scrabble at the door to get out and probably soil herself from fear. I'm not doing that. People are perfectly entitled to decline invitations to my house, they are not entitled to insist I cause distress to my dog for their convenience.

It’s fine not to want to visit a house that has dogs living there, fine not to invite dogs to your home, fine to have your opinions on how many dogs are acceptable/whether they should be allowed on furniture/and if taking them to a dog friendly cafe equals the eating them like children. It’s not fine to think your opinions are the only ones that count. If people prefer their dog’s company over yours, don’t blame them - have a look at yourselves.

Why haven’t you trained your dog to be okay with being left by themselves for a while? Other people manage it perfectly fine and then they don’t have all this drama.

It's not putting dogs before family. It's being a responsible dog owner, not being cruel, and accepting that my meet ups with people who don't like dogs need to happen in a different way, such as in a dog free venue located somewhere that I can attend without leaving my dog for extended periods of time (longer than 4 hours).

You can’t ban all the dogs because of one person not liking them, that’s mental 🤣

I’d love my dog to be able to spend an hour or so alone. That’d mean he was over the horrific abuse dished out to him by humans before I got him.

Well then get onto a behaviourist and do some training (if its not too late).

If your dog can't be left in a room for a few hours with a Kong without getting scared- you have failed as a responsible owner.

My 12 week old puppy goes in her crate from 7pm - 6am with just a midnight toilet break and is currently chasing her own tail and playing with a puzzle feeder outside without being scared.

Then the dog owner doesn't get to "throw a tantrum" if people decline an invitation 🙄

Leaving your dog for a few hours to pop to Nana's for Xmas lunch is not cruel. Don't be daft.

Dragging poor Fido to an unfamiliar house with 9 other dogs is probably a lot more overstimulated and frightening.

They are dogs. Not humans

If you don't want to be around dogs you don't want to be around dogs. Nothing unreasonable about that.
It's also not unreasonable that they want to have their dogs with them.
If that means you don't see them then you have to accept that.

Because she's a (extremely well trained) chihuahua, and its not something possible to train into her due to breed characteristics. She can be left alone for up to 4 hours, which was a huge feat of training, but by nature it's just not possible to train her to be shut away from everyone without getting distressed. Oh, and she doesn't smell either, and neither does our house (another breed characteristic!).

Honestly, she's an amazingly trained dog, and we're frequently complimented on it.

I have a resuce who has in the past suffered terribly with separation anxiety, she has got better thankfully and although she isn’t a fan of us leaving her is no longer so distressed (we are actually on holiday at the moment and she is home with my daughter with her adaption collar and calming supplements and doing fine) but I totally feel for you here as it’s so horrible to see when they are so damaged from
their past trauma ❤️

I'm not saying it is. I've clearly said, multiple times, that I leave my dog for up to 4 hours. But that's my limit. Anything longer would be cruel, agreed on and advised by highly trained animal professionals.

Yes you can! The presence of dogs is not the default. It’s a 100% agreement situation and a treat for the dog owner. What if a family member had an allergy? Would you just tell them it’s tough sorry I guess we won’t see you at Christmas. Dogs are not family!

We don't.

But you have to realise that you have chosen to own this extremely inconvenient animal. It’s your problem and you don’t get to make it the problem of other people

Not appropriate for all breeds of dog. I have an extremely well trained and well socialised chihuahua. No behaviouralist will be able to change the fact that she'd be distressed being able to hear/smell us but being locked away from us, it's just a breed characteristic. Obviously if you have a different breed, then that's a different matter.

No-one is paying attention to your reasonable opinions.

I grew up with dogs and like them and have no problem with other people's well behaved dogs. Our dogs were never allowed to sit on the furniture or eat from people's plates.

I admit to disliking sitting on someone's dog hair covered settee in nice clothes then having a dog coming to try and pinch my piece of cake though.

Some people dislike dogs and that's OK, but some dog owners seem oblivious to the fact that their badly behaved dog(s) piss off their guests, even those guests who are dog owners or like dogs.

What? She is not inconvenient, and at no point have I made her anyone else’s problem 😂. What a strange thing to say.
We arrange our lives around our dogs and that puts no one else out - and actually our dogs are welcome with both sides of our family, we just choose to keep them home for big gatherings as the dogs would not enjoy it.

No one is making it the problem of other people. Dog owners are allowed to decline events if they are dog free, dog dislikers are allowed to decline events when there will be dogs there. The problem is when people don't accept that and whine about it, expecting everyone else to fall in line with what suits them. Obviously this goes both ways, but in my experience it is the dog dislikers who are entitled and demand every event must be dog free, rather than just declining events which don't suit them. Dog owners, on the other hand are generally happy to just politely decline events which clash with their responsibilities, accepting that not every event needs to be tailored to them. But, of course 'dog owners' are not a homogeonous group, and neither are 'dog dislikers', so other people's experiences may be different.

The only ‘inconvenience’ appears to be to some MNers who are upset that they’re not as popular or well liked as some dogs.

We are lucky in that our dogs are always invited, although we generally decline taking them for the dogs sake, our family’s love them and buy them Christmas presents and always give them loads of fuss when they visit us.
If someone had a severe allergy then that is a different story of course. But one person in a whole family group who doesn’t like dogs can just stay away from them, it’s not hard.

It's up to the person whose house it is whether dogs are welcomed or not, and in the case of meeting up in a pub/café etc, it's up to the arranger to decide whether they choose dog friendly or dog free. People are entitled to decline invitations that aren't suitable or them, or arrange events that are.

When people in the wider group have conflicting requirements, it's extremely entitled for one group to think that ALL events must be tailored to their preferences to the detriment of others in the group. The default expectation for anyone with strong preferences should be that some events will suit your needs and others you'll decline.