AIBU to refuse Christmas visits because of the family dogs?

It's up to the person whose house it is whether dogs are welcomed or not, and in the case of meeting up in a pub/café etc, it's up to the arranger to decide whether they choose dog friendly or dog free. People are entitled to decline invitations that aren't suitable or them, or arrange events that are.

When people in the wider group have conflicting requirements, it's extremely entitled for one group to think that ALL events must be tailored to their preferences to the detriment of others in the group. The default expectation for anyone with strong preferences should be that some events will suit your needs and others you'll decline.

Again. You are wrong. The role of the host is to make ALL guests comfortable.

The dog is an addition. It has been brought in and therefore the onus is on the person who has made the dynamic change and caused the inconvenience to flex, not the people who were sitting comfortably in the default position (no dog).

It’s fine not to want to visit a house that has dogs living there, fine not to invite dogs to your home, fine to have your opinions on how many dogs are acceptable/whether they should be allowed on furniture/and if taking them to a dog friendly cafe equals the eating them like children. It’s not fine to think your opinions are the only ones that count. If people prefer their dog’s company over yours, don’t blame them - have a look at yourselves.

Nope. You are wrong, and self-entitled. The world does not revolve around you. Other people's preferences are just as valid as yours.

If you host me, I'd be more comfortable bringing my dog. Following your logic, you are being a bad host if you don't allow that!

I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to host dog friendly events. The onus is on those who don't want to be around dogs to politely decline. Equally, it's perfectly reasonable to host dog free events. In this case, the onus is on the dog owners to politely decline if they can't make it work taking into account their responsibilities to their pets.

I think you keep proving my point. There's only one entitled group who keep shouting 'my way only, all the time, no compromise!', and it's not the dog owners...

You really do have it the wrong way round.

Nope. You are wrong, and self-entitled. The world does not revolve around you. Other people's preferences are just as valid as yours.

If you host me, I'd be more comfortable bringing my dog. Following your logic, you are being a bad host if you don't allow that!

I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to host dog friendly events. The onus is on those who don't want to be around dogs to politely decline. Equally, it's perfectly reasonable to host dog free events. In this case, the onus is on the dog owners to politely decline if they can't make it work taking into account their responsibilities to their pets.

I think you keep proving my point. There's only one entitled group who keep shouting 'my way only, all the time, no compromise!', and it's not the dog owners...

No I don't. I'm saying there needs to be a position of compromise not one entitled group demanding their own way 100% of the time.

'If people prefer their dog’s company over yours, don’t blame them - have a look at yourselves'

Have you read the op? The mil wants and expects them to visit. So no she doesn't prefer dogs company she for some reason expects people to enjoy spending Christmas day with 10 dogs.

You’re making the false assumption that having a dog present and not having a dog present are equal positions. They aren’t.

It's always been cruel to leave dogs alone for extended periods. This isn't a new thing. Generally 4 hours each day is the limit advised by professionals, that hasn't changed in the decades I've been a dog owner. In fact, I can remember my Aunt and Uncle staying for only about 4 hours for Christmas lunch in the 70s because they had to get back for the dog. It's not new advice, nor has it suddenly become cruel to leave dogs alone, it's always been so. Perhaps there are less irresponsible/neglectful owners now?

But you are the one who is bringing the inconvenient thing into the dynamic. If I decided I wanted to bring a parrot everywhere I went, should other people be expected to flex? Or should I have to realise that I have changed things so I need to be the one to do the compromising.

Dogs are not family. People don’t need to respect or include your pet. Dog owners are the entitled ones thinking that their dog has any importance outside of their own private sphere.

In this specific case it is FAMILY Christmas. It is not a dog or non-dog event. Dogs are irrelevant to the equation. The priority should be allowing everyone to participate comfortably. Dog owners can do so without their dog, non dog owners cannot do so with the dogs there. So the dogs need to go.

@mrsm43s
I think you’re missing the point. If you actually read my post I said it used to be fine to leave dogs for a few hours. I’m not saying it’s fine to leave them home alone for days! 🙄 The difference is now that people take them everywhere even if they are going out for only a few hours. This seems OTT to me. What’s wrong with OPs family limiting their visit time as you said your family members did.

My auntie was killed by her son-in-law's 'friendly' dog when visiting. Enough said!

'But one person in a whole family group who doesn’t like dogs can just stay away from them, it’s not hard.'

It is 'hard'. It is absolutely appalling to say to one person you stay away thanks.

Plus the mil hasn't said that she wants and expects them to visit. So if you want visitors pack your little pooches off into a hall, utility area or wherever with a nice chew and stop stressing them out with loads of dogs and noise. Put your dogs welfare first and for goodness sake train them to be left in a different area in the house for short periods of time.

If you don't have family and friends none of this applies so fine.

I don’t need to pack my dogs off anywhere thankfully because I don’t have any ridiculous family members who would come to our house and complain that the dogs, who live there, are there.
My dogs are very well adjusted so don’t need training to be packed off anywhere, they just won’t be packed off as my family wouldn’t come over an expect that.

My comment was aimed at the poster who stated if one person doesn’t like dogs then the whole group should accept not having dogs there - that’s ridiculous. That person can just avoid the dogs easily, it’s not “hard” just stay out of their way and don’t engage. Well trained dogs know when someone isn’t interested and will leave them alone. I honesty can’t understand how dogs make people so unnecessarily angry. They are a huge part of many people’s life, being a lot of joy and are far less obnoxious than the vast majority of people.

I don’t need to pack my dogs off anywhere thankfully because I don’t have any ridiculous family members who would come to our house and complain that the dogs, who live there, are there.
My dogs are very well adjusted so don’t need training to be packed off anywhere, they just won’t be packed off as my family wouldn’t come over an expect that.

My comment was aimed at the poster who stated if one person doesn’t like dogs then the whole group should accept not having dogs there - that’s ridiculous. That person can just avoid the dogs easily, it’s not “hard” just stay out of their way and don’t engage. Well trained dogs know when someone isn’t interested and will leave them alone. I honesty can’t understand how dogs make people so unnecessarily angry. They are a huge part of many people’s life, being a lot of joy and are far less obnoxious than the vast majority of people.

I think you keep proving my point. There's only one entitled group who keep shouting 'my way only, all the time, no compromise!', and it's not the dog owners...

Sorry, but there are loads of entitled dog owners, some of whom are on this thread. Not all dog owners are self entitled and not all non dog owners are either.

I wouldn't not go to a house that had a dog. I might wear my oldest clothes instead, but it wouldn't stop me visiting.

And please stop with the tantrum throwing nonsense. The only one in danger of "throwing a tantrum" here is the OP's MIL who wants everyone to love their dogs.

You think 10 dogs running about, which is what the thread is about, is ok?

It isn't.

Put your dogs welfare first they like their space and arent keen on overstimulation and also consider guests who aren't fans of dogs. If you have guests that is. If not fine!

Luckily, all the people in my life are much more reasonable about dog ownership.

More importantly though, I feel that there are too many irresponsible dog owners who won't control their dogs in public. I remember the days when you needed a licence to own a dog and am wondering if we should go back to that.

I like dogs, but cats are better 😁

Other room of your choice is available. It’s not about dog hating. There are many reasons why having the dog around makes things difficult for guests - allergies, young children, lack of space, mobility issues. Putting the dog away ensures the comfort of your guests which is part of being a good host. If you won’t do that, you don’t get to host.