Whole families on UC, PIP, DLA and carers' allowance for each other?

Not benefit bashing? Really?

So you're not just doing a benefit bashing thread while the mods are asleep

So blatant

I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. I understand the words individually but you have just strung a variety of observations together based on your experiences.

As a parent of two SEN children, both of whom are in special school, I do not recognise your characterisation of the ‘majority’ of parents.

Yep.

I have a disabled child and don't recognise it at all either.

Yes some families are hard to reach.
What did the school do when the parents didn't engage with the workshops and events and found them boring? Did they consider different approaches? Shorter presentations delivered in a way that were more engaging? Opportunities for the parents to contribute in some way rather than being talked at? Different activities? Did they ask the parents what they would want to do?
With hard to reach groups it's really important not to do events 'to' them, but with them, starting from where they're at.

'This isnt a bashing'

Proceeds to bash. Yabu.

I claim CA for my disabled husband, have a baby and due another. You're basically saying I'm thick and useless? Just watch Tele all day and possibly deal drugs?

Agree there is a huge issue that certain families suck up sooo many resources & often don’t help themselves

not sure what the answer is though

Well why can’t OP bash a bit? It’s a mess and benefits have caused this. They have strapped whole families in this apathy and contempt for work and meant they don’t contribute to society and have no self esteem.
stopping their PIP for ‘mental health’ or apathy (save PIP and other benefits for people battling actual physical illness or mental illness like schizophrenia) would cause short term pain but be so much better long term.
we can’t afford to pay for people like this and we are actually taking away their agency and self worth.

I kind of do... but I still think OP is being unfair. Depending on the needs of the DC they could be getting little or broken sleep. If they are struggling with their own mental health and exhausted from caring responsibilities they may well go back to bed once the kids have been collected/watch tv in their pyjamas - and good for them if they do. If this is the case then they made a huge effort to attend a school workshop and shouldn't be criticised imo

Having adopted two children who have special needs you must recognise it's often nature over nurture? There's a lot of waffle in your post so I'm not sure I'm getting the point but it does seem to be a parent blaming thread with the generational low aspirations? Do you not realise that those parents you're referring to are more likely to have their own learning difficulties/ND which makes it difficult for them to engage with training and impacts their executive function? I'm sure most of them are doing all they can for their DC but they don't all have the same level of capabilities that you do.

I sincerely hope that you're not still in that job..

What I have noticed is the number of professionals I come into contact with in relation who are astonishingly patronising and have extremely low expectations of both parents and the children.

Once I’ve spent most of a term fighting for the basics, fighting for the resources my children need, whilst holding down a responsible full time job forgive me if I’m not desperate to attend a workshop which is essentially ‘make sure you look after your children’.

I don’t recognise your description of send parents. Given many disabilities are not inherited and don’t run in families how do you @Hutinthemiddleofnowhere account for the fact that their families/parents can be stereotyped in the way you describe?

The idea that having a child with disabilities implies you need parenting classes any more than the next parent should be seen for the offensive tripe it is.

Thing is you have adopted kids so obviously dont have any genetic issues causing dc issues or you.
But as you know sen kids are very likely to have sen parents. What seems like laziness to you may well be milder or milder presenting sen which is also worsened by having to care for sen kids.

Unless you adopted id twins(?) you see how heritable issues can be.

I work with service users who are very similar, in front line work

One thing that I have always found baffling, is that 2 people can claim carers allowance for caring for the other. So you need a carer, so the state pays carers allowance for that. But equally you are also a carer and the state pays you carers allowance as well.

Its a pittance obviously but the concept is flawed.

The care needs can't conflict. It's possible that, say, claimant 1 is paralysed and needs physical care, but claimant 2 has depression and anxiety so needs psychological support.

I work with children with disabilities, and I don't really recognise this - I can think of maybe 1 family like this, among the hundred+ on my caseload, in that all family members have a disability of some kind, and parents need lots of support to get their children to appts, manage finances etc. But its clear they love them and are genuinely trying their best, but just have limited capacity due to their learning disability and own needs. Most families I see are juggling work, lots of appointments, several children, and doing a great job within a clunky system of education and healthcare.

As a parent to a 24 year old with severe autism, who is completely non verbal, epilepsy and migraines. I find your post offensive. My son has always been a terrible sleeper. Most nights I get about 3 or 4 hours of sleep maximum. He has alot of seizures too. Im unable to work full time due to this. I still attend the meetings im called to. I won't be fully present as I know how hard it is to function properly so im sorry you wont find me full of beans to a meeting either. I am the main carer for my son too as he won't accept anyone else's help. So its just me.

Not necessarily. They don't claim any benefits, but my parents could be this

• my Dad is physically well and able, but his hearing is poor and early stages of dementia
• my Mum is struggling physically due to arthritis and old injuries and struggles with some physical activities, but is mentally very sharp and her eyes and hearing are perfect.

As my Mum says 'I'm the brains and he's the body and we make 1 perfect person between us'. She directs and he does, and either without the other would really struggle

Written really strangely for someone who is a teacher.

People with disabled children should be raising their aspirations? Or people with disabled children have small lives that orbit around domestic routines so they can support their disabled children.

The real scandal are the huge corporations charging an absolute fortune for residential packages for a single SEN child and providing low quality unsafe care…you don’t mention that at all…because picking on the little guy is so much easier isn’t it?

Let's put this another way. Parents have DC with significant needs if they are claiming DLA. That's going to limit their ability to work, and so they're on UC. That's going to limit disposable income so they spend most of their time at home, getting cheap entertainment. Meeting those children's needs impacts their mental and physical health, or maybe they share heritable disabilities with their DC. For either or both reasons, those parents struggle to engage with school, to organise their lives and maximise their DCs educational potential; they are socially awkward, feel anxious and uneasy in school settings. None of this is especially surprising and I don't think it's parents slacking off. I think it's often parents with limited resources of all kinds, who are worn down, burnt out, and don't really feel that any other life is possible for them than the one they are living

Also - what's the alternative? Not giving them benefits, or kids school transport (which only kids with significant disabilities or no public transport get), or free school meals isn't going to make these parents magically find a well paying job. It's just going to put the DC in worse circumstances.

Sounds like parents who have fought really hard to get their kids into specialist schools who are struggling to manage the demands of parenting and caring for disabled children. Maybe you'd benefit from less judgement for them, and more compassion and understanding.
And wtf has benefits got to do with it? If they're claiming what they're entitled to, its not as if they'll be living the life of Riley its a pittance and life as a parent of children with additional needs is hard.

No one gets PIP for apathy…the claim form is huge and requires people to explain how they function / can’t function in multiple areas of their lives. This is then tested. Many people claiming PIP work.

Perhaps we could stop subsidising huge companies and the low wages they pay? Tax firms like Amazon, Starbucks etc.. who claim they make insufficient profits to pay UK tax…strange to think the villains are the mentally unwell (apathy is an indicator of depression of course) or disabled children and their parents

Intergenerational unemployment is a real challenge.

I hear it all the time, they know what the kids need to say and do to get diagnosed. .

Having no sense of purpose in life leads to early death amongst other negative impacts.

The benefits system needs to be overhauled. I truly believe instead of paying PIP to people with mental ill health it would be far better for the money to be used to fund access to the help they need.