Whole families on UC, PIP, DLA and carers' allowance for each other?

This is so sad. I wonder what age kids are when they realise they’re in a problematic environment, if there’s a window to help them see that they don’t have to follow the same path, before it’s too late for them to break out of that cycle?
It would doubtless be way younger than the age these issues are covered currently in PSHE lessons as by say 13-15 many of these kids will already be detached and disengaged from learning, have solidified their behaviour patterns and on the same path.
Or is it just so difficult to help kids break the cycle when their parents and home environment are basically their entire world when they’re young?
Like the plot of Matilda - she sees it from so young and disengages from her parents to read etc by herself but that’s so unlikely IRL.

It's not flawed, and takes a severe lack of imagination to believe disabled people can't help each other. It's entirely possible to have one person who can do ABC and not XYZ and a second person who is able to do XYZ but can't do ABC, and have them muddle through together.

I'm deaf, my late OH was blind. He'd do my phone calls for me, I'd help him with letters where the text was too small.

He needed oxygen tanks to leave the house, so I'd carry spares on the back of my wheelchair, and he'd pass me medication from the back of the chair as I needed it.

He'd help me wash my hair and back in the shower, and I'd help him with shaving.

He had an eating disorder and needed to be prompted into eating a well balanced meal, but I was unable to cook (kitchen just not set up for my chair) so I'd do all the meal planning and shopping and instruct him on what to make so we both ate.

He would keep track of when I'd taken my pain meds so I didn't accidentally overdose, and I'd make sure he ate a big enough snack with his meds that caused bowel damage if taken without food.

Anything we both couldn't do we had outside help for but our daily routine was splitting tasks into "who can do this one" and we muddled through together.

Will you be getting your DC sterilized to make sure they don't have DC of their own?

SEN kids are spat out the other end as adults with no support other than PIP.

How should we treat these adults?. I wonder if you will be so judgemental when your DC are in their 30s & 40s & struggling in the way you despise & judge so much?

How would you want staff & other parents to treat them at their own DC school?

Yes, you can.

Because tax payers don’t want to give money to allow disabled people to live more comfortably than them. They want to help you access what you need. My siblings have two holidays abroad a year with theirs! I would rather they didn’t have too much government money for luxuries. The vouchers would not be limitless, they’d have a set number based on the initial assessment, where visits to certain places are factored in. In fact it’s what they use in access to work, when a disabled person starts a job.

It's time that UC and PIP required some sort of labour. There should be some sort of community service type work done by people on UC and PIP. Don't turn up, don't get paid.

Do you even know what pip is? Sounds like you really don't

I think you have a point OP.

Low aspirations can run in families and then passed to the next generation. In my line of work I have come across generational abuse and over reliance on state benefits which then doesn't enable people to work.

If we look at other countries that don't have state benefits like in the UK, (Asia and Africa) you will find the poorest people having to take on manual labor jobs to put food in their table and feed their kids. Children are also expected to work.

A colleague of mine from India made the observation and commented that in her country the poorest are very thin and in the UK is was the opposite.

Some kind of halfway between that and what we have would be help break the generational benefits trap cycle.

As a parent of a special needs child I find this wildly offensive. Whilst this might be your limited experience in one school with a particular demographic, it is certainly not mine.
I work as does my husband. We are highly educated. You likely wouldn’t see as at those parent events because of work commitments. We also wouldn’t be driving our child because we have to get our other children at mainstream to school. So yes, our SEN child travels by LA transport.
DLA only covers a tiny fraction of the childcare cost of paying for a SEN support worker - which unfortunately is the only safe and suitable childcare but isn’t eligible for most childcare help others are entitled to, as there are no are ofsted registered support workers in our area.

You sound judgemental and ill informed.

I cant deny at all that this is sometimes the case, OP.
Can't deny it.

The key word here, of course, is sometimes.

Then you do it all benefits. Why should I as a disabled person have no say in how I spend my money, yet a single parent is free to spend their money on whatever even if DC go without?

Yes. Some people use it to support work, great they can carry on. Some use it to not work, they need to be doing something.

I'd actually also have people signing in/on daily. If via PIP that can be from home if your mobility doesn't allow, but a daily 9am up and dressed zoom call would force some kind of routine on to people.

OP is describing what she has seen. She has not attributed it to all parents, but we do a disservice to dismiss her experience.

This. As a society we are responsible for creating a segment of society who have never worked and live out their lives in dependency…it is morally wrong. Only going to get worse as AI takes over traditional jobs. ‘As a taxpayer’ it actually upsets me, the waste of money, but more than that it’s upsets me because this is not a good way to LIVE.

You realise PIP is for people who need care so may not be able to walk, move, speak?

I'm a teacher, also the parent of a child (now an adult in his 30s) with a life threatening and life limiting condition. For context, as a kid he would spend roughly 2 weeks every 3 months in intensive care (from the age of 2 until the age of 13) and then another 2 weeks at home with paralysis. This would eventually clear and we'd go back to a couple of good months before the cycle started all over again.

We we had (still have) 2 other 'kids'.

We were poor because we never realised that we were meant to be saying we couldn't manage and be on benefits. I worked part-time during the week (25 hours, not as a teacher, low paid roles), my husband worked 2 x 12 hour shifts at the weekends. We just about managed.

Never had time to meet the parents of other SEN kids or go to any initiatives because we were too busy. No involvement from social services. We basically battled on with zero support.

Imagine my surprise when my kid became an adult and I started talking to his adult friends like adults. I helped one of them with their PIP application (because mum couldn't be bothered any more as the money wouldn't be going into her pocket). We had this interesting exchange (after he was awarded PIP) when he asked me how much I earned - in 2022 I was bringing home about £1,800 a month (as a teacher). He said 'I wouldn't get out of bed for less than £3,000.' His reasoning was that he actually had more coming in than I did (PIP + UC + housing element) and he'd want an uplift of at least £150 pw to consider getting a job. That's actually really logical. He lives in his own place. I later learned that at his mum's there were various claimants. Mum herself has never worked, gets PIP, UC and housing element. Brother has never worked, gets PIP and UC. Sister has never worked, gets PIP and UC. It is a generational issue.

I happen to work in the school near where this lad's family live. The pattern I describe above isn't exceptional.

I fundamentally disagree.

I went to a school with a lot of these families and still know a lot today. Some have issues that are insurmountable without high levels of support but many simply aren't motivated enough to change when their needs are being met already. It is human nature and many of us are guilty of this to some extent in different aspects of our lives. We need to believe that we have to change or something very bad will happen to us. Lots of these families know that they can carry on as they are and be fine. It might not be an existence you or I should want, but for them it's good enough and that's all that matters.

I agree with you op.
If you are so disabled you need benefits then surely you are too disabled to care. I think we need an end to the system where you can be both.
I don't meet the threshold for benefits (if I am honest in my application) yet I know I would be too disabled to care for someone else who met the threshold

My relative is a judge and has seen a number of cases this year alone where people have been pulling exactly this scam.

I think you should be able to claim carers or PIp but not both.

So you'll be supplying all the carers and other adjustments to enable this to happen which will cost more than pip?

You clearly don't know what pip is. It's for extra disability costs. Why on earth should people work for that?

agreed! I highly doubt OP has that much insight into so many people’s lives.

I live on benefits. I look very well. I’m not (and it’s not MH). I’m sure there are plenty of people who think that I could work. I can’t.

The thing is, benefits that you have not yet been paid, aren't "your money".

OP I see you. I work in safeguarding and I have to remind myself that the majority of parents don’t fall into your description but SO MANY do. Enough that it’s a societal issue. The apathy from these families is staggeringly hard to combat as there is no incentive for them to do, do anything, move, push themselves, think. It’s very sad.

It's a Personal Independence Payment.

There are plenty claiming who can walk and speak. Look at the claimants with MH issues. It'd do a lot of people good to be up, dressed and out of the house for 9am daily, engaged with other people for part of the day and doing something worthwhile, instead of sat rotting inside on Netflix.

If it is completely impossible for you to work, there can be exceptions. But the majority on PIP can do something.

There's far more to disability than being able to walk and speak

I agree with you and have seen this a lot but mostly in areas of high social deprivation.

What labour can my quadraplegic mate do?