AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

My dog loves my parents and sister, is totally comfortable with them but I can guarantee that if I returned after any amount of time he would run to me and smother me in love. The dog appears to have chosen you OP and although I do feel for your sister, I don't think you should give the dog back.

I did think YAB a bit U at first but after reading about the reunion, the dog doesn't seem fussed so I think that was the decider for me.

Agree. Some people are trying to goad the OP.

Ignore them OP as much as they are desperate to ‘enrage you’. 🤪

What a lot of nonsense. OP has acted responsibly throughout her sisters chopping and changing. She has put the dog and her children first, cared for her sister and is now going to take some time away from a family who have acted badly. She seems calm, if a little worn down by it all, and has dealt with the goady posters here well.

Just to add, most of my comments on this thread having been expressing concern over people’s mental health (including OPs sister) - really not sure why that’s so bad of me, or indeed why more people aren’t concerned more. But I shall stop trying to express concern for people’s wellbeing (including OPs sister who has a clear mental health break) as clearly people have taken offence against it for which I am deeply sorry for the offence taken- lesson learnt. 😊

Woah absolutely not! Dogs are pack animals and he will have bonded strongly to the other dog. It makes it even clearer that the op should keep the dog. OP’s sister’s family already list and grieved the dog ( presumably) when they went abroad.

This - your sister and her kids have been through so much turmoil not their fault. Be a good sister and aunt and give it back. Have it random weekends/ for holidays etc but it’s their dog and you should be decent and give it back

Maybe you should have had a little of your ‘concern’ for OPs mental health when insinuating she doesn’t love her sister, telling her that she ‘forced’ her sister to hand over the dog and I won’t repeat your deleted comments. Maybe you should have shown a little of your ‘concern’ for OPs children who had already just lost a dog and have had a grandparent diagnosed with cancer. Maybe some concern could have been shown to OP running herself ragged to help her sister in the early hours of the morning.

All your ‘concern’ was for OPs sister who it seems isn’t interested in the dog and is leaving again. Thank goodness OP could see what was actually happening and showed real concern for her dog and her children. She also actually showed concern for her sister by listening to her problems and her crying daily and knew that it wasn’t the best thing for her to have the dog back.

You and the other people with their fake concern pretending to be kind and caring are full of crap. Your behaviour here is anything but kind.

Read the thread. The sister doesn’t want the dog and is leaving again. What a lovely dog owner she is right? Tell the OPs sister to be a decent sister because she has treated OP like shit.

How is expressing concern over someone's mental health NOT very personal?!

Especially in the context of disagreeing with that person's opinion.

After all the stress she’s put you all through, I actually think you shouldn’t pick her up nor have her stay any more in future. It’s unfair on your family to experience her whirlwind of chaos, only to leave and rejoin her husband again. Next time she phones crying to come home, tell her to sleep on it for a week. To be sure the same thing doesn’t happen again as it upset the family. That way she can make better plans with accommodation and travel that do not disrupt your family.

Theres v little empathy for someone going through such a disturbed and chaotic time in life

If she finds the thread, I don't think her "impact on others" is what she will take away.

Chaos needs boundaries and the op sounds like they’ve behaved appropriately and perfectly.

Why are you so angry? Do you use these kinds of platforms as a form of punch bag?
I suggest anger management therapy,
The dog was ADOPTED by OP, the sister has gone back to her husband and OP was updating the situation as and when it unfolding as we (the non angry people) were interested to find out how it went.

But if you understood anything about MH you’d understand all those behaviours and actions are the hallmarks of someone deeply struggling. I get it’s hard on you, and as I said you clearly are trying, but I just think there are better steps you could have taken.

You sounds rather like you expect thanks from someone in the midst of a breakdown, and anyone who has every experienced a mental health crisis or supported someone through it, will tell you that’s not how it works. People spiralling are selfish, because they’re not thinking properly. If you expect thanks for someone in the midst of a breakdown, then that’s a sign you should step away…and if you find your own mental health struggling as a result of helping support someone else, then again that’s a sign you should step away.

I hope you do have a lovely breakfast and I hope your sister gets the MH support she clearly, desperately, needs.

She made her bed and and now you have a dog. Do not give him back

So the 'non angry people' are the ones that agree with op?

You wanted OP to give the dog back. OP recognised this wasn’t the best thing for the dog or her sister because she wasn’t thinking straight and wasn’t settled.

Explain how giving the dog back like you insisted would have been best for the dog or would have been good for OPs sisters mental health. What do you think would have happened to the dog when she decided that she didn’t want him and was leaving?

OPs actions have proven to be correct. You can’t admit you were wrong but worse, you are now continuing to pick at OP which is verging on bullying. You aren’t concerned about anything except you have made yourself look silly and for some reason you think that continuing to dig your heels in is a good way to go. It’s not. You should step away from OPs thread.

Chaos needs boundaries and the op sounds like they’ve behaved appropriately and perfectly.

I agree. OP has done everything right imo.

I’m not picking on OP.

Yes, based off the information that was provided in the first post I did think the dog should have gone back. I no longer think that, after the very long drip feed.

I do, however, think that demonising her sister who is clearly in the midst of a very fragile state, is not fair and was unnecessary.

Both can be true. As I have said, at least once. Now twice.

Edit: and I don’t think it’s silly to be telling OP this is all over well used expat sites which her sister will see. Regardless of anything else, Ops sister is clearly struggling and it’s really cruel that no one seems to care about the fact people who know her will know immediately who it is and her ‘dirty laundry’ has been aired without her consent. If OP needed to vent, she could have done so without giving away such telling details.

Don’t be ridiculous!

I’ve just read the whole thread.

Whether OPs sisters behaviour is due to a current marriage issue or a mental health issue doesn’t really matter now. OP has been proven to be correct in the decision she made for the dog because her sister can not provide a stable home for the dog. OP recognised this early on and made a good decision to say no to her sister. She has no control over what her sister does. She tried to offer support for her to stay here but she has chosen to go back abroad. OP has acted responsibly from beginning to end.
OP doesn’t have to keep putting her sister above herself, her children or the doggo even if it’s a mental health issue. It’s good that she is prioritising herself and her children and the doggo.

Some people have been awful making things up and bullying saying OP forced her to give her the dog and she’s a bad sister, calling her a cunt, a liar, telling her she doesn’t love her sister, questioning her parenting, but it’s mumsnet so these bullying arseholes are common. The majority think you’re right OP.

Enjoy your doggos OP and just to counteract the people telling you you’re terrible, I think you and your family sound lovely and kind.

He’s a lucky, lucky doggo to have you. If only all doggos could have such a loving home with so much company and another doggo companion.