AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

If there is a queue you say to gs- there are other children waiting for a go so just 2 more minutes.
YABVVVVU to keep your gs on the swing that long when other children waited.

At our park, the swings are frequently hogged by teenagers who just sit on them (while other thread).

It's not your turn. So it's not about you commandeering the swings, because you are not the user of the settings, the child is.

If you have the children and there are three swings free then of course they use the swings. If there's a queue after a few minutes they get off to allow other children to use them.

This is really really weird.

If you take your 3 children to the toilets (assuming for now same sex and old enough to sort themselves out), then that's have a cubicle each because they are the toilet user.

If you go to a restaurant, they don't all share one chair or one meal.

A swing is no different.

Op the time on the swing was fine, 6-7 mins isnt that long and its equally important to teach patience to children.

You were on shaky ground before that post because 5 minutes swinging on a swing is enough. If it doesn't get boring for the child, it definitely would for the adult pushing the swing. I don't believe for one minute that you have stood for an hour gently pushing a swing without losing your mind.

It sounds daft, because it is daft I'm afraid. Straight out of the same play book that has children growing up believing their feelings take priority over everything and creates entitled adults who struggle when they learn that not every feeling will be 'validated' in the real world.
Understanding the concept of facilities that are for everyone and how to use them fairly is a life lesson for anyone who's going to be living as part of a community.
Its entirely possible to raise children to understand their rights to access things are as important as others (so they don't need to get off immediately) but not more important (so they get to hog something intended for sharing all day because...feelings).

We don't expect children to share these types of personal items either.

The closest analogy to this is probably a gym. You are expected not to hog the equipment, to move off equpment while resting between sets if someone is waiting, and to spend a limited amount of time on popular equipment e.g, the treadmill in busy periods. A lot of gyms even write this into their Ts and Cs, put up signs and get the staff to enforce the rules. Most gym goers who have some notion of considering others as well as themselves happily do these things without being asked.

In a similar vein you might want to search MN for "lane swimming" threads which is another example of having to adapt what you might to do to provide space for others.

This thread has reminded me of an incident in the park when my dd was a toddler. There was just one toddler swing and then there were two swings for older kids on the other side of the park.

There was a boy of around 10 on the toddler swing, with a couple of his mates stood nearby. The other swings were also occupied. DD wanted the swing but I explained to her that she would need to wait her turn. Initially I encouraged her to use the other equipment, but we later went to stand near the swing to let the boy know that we were waiting. I probably did make some comments to dd during that time about waiting for her turn, but the boy didn't show any inclination to move and neither he nor his friends even made any eye contact. I was getting increasingly irritated by his selfishness and by the fact that this much bigger boy wasn't giving way to my tiny toddler, especially as both of the other swings had been vacated by this point and they were obviously more appropriate for this older child than for my dd. Eventually, I asked him if he would move to let my dd have a turn. That was when he very sheepishly informed me that he was stuck in the toddler swing and couldn't get out!🤣

This post isn’t about sharing personal belongings though is it? It’s about sharing resources that are available to everyone and being polite. Same as letting people get off the train before you get on, or not eating all the food at a work lunch. It definitely shows when some adults haven’t been taught manners as kids though 🤣

I don’t make my kids share their personal toys but a swing? Of course, if it is busy then they get a shorter turn than usual.

Mine often share a toilet cubicle (two are the same sex) and if we travel by tube and it's busy I'll get youngest to sit on my lap or the youngest 2 share a seat or the kids will all stand. Most people with multiple kids do the same? We don't think as we have more kids we are entitled to more swings / toilet cubicles etc. I also make sure my kids are 'quick' in busy places so they wouldn't all have 5 minutes on the swing each.

But you seem to agree with me - in the absence of a swing each mine are allowed to have a quick go each on a swing we share (and have waited our turn for) before we vacate for others? Which is what I said park mum should have done!! She had one swing so she gives both her kids a go on that one instead of expecting the other swing as well?

You were being unreasonable and selfish. 6 or 7 mins is too long when the swings are in demand. Perfectly fine not to instantly remove him. I'd have said to the mum we only just got on, so we will have three mins, won't we Jimmy, and then we are getting off. But being on so long and being obstinate because you felt she was being pushy was not on. I often say "we are waiting our turn' to my kids because it is important to teach them turn taking and patience. But on many swings if you played somewhere else the kids would never get on them as other kids would wait, so you need to wait near them. Impossible to say whether she was really being rude and pushy or whether she was reasonable. But YABU for taking so long and being rude in doing so.

I will get my child to wait and expect nothing from the child already on the swing. In fact I use it as a lesson to my child that a) they need to wait and b) if they don’t want to wait then use something else.

No of course not.
Because some things are our own possessions, earned or purchased by or for us. We share these only if we choose.
Other things are provided by another body, the state, local authority or a business, for the use of everyone. We share these because they are no more ours than anyone else's.

3-5 mins is a reasonable go on a swing when other children are waiting.

If the park is busy then sometimes you have to queue/ wait near the swings or you would never get a turn.

I would have just said 'Oh look, there's another child waiting to go on the swing, let's have a few more minutes here and then we'll let them have a turn'.

You strike the balance of them being important, but also letting the other child have a turn.

Obviously don't take your child off immediately if they've just got on, but longer than 5 minutes is a bit mean to the child who is waiting.

Give them a '10 more swings' warning when it's time, count the swings so they are ready to get off and the other child knows it's nearly their turn.

Doesn't really matter how the other parent is behaving, I'd do the same every time.

You're not BU in that particular situation, but you seem to think you should never have to let someone else have a turn? That's very unreasonable. Surely as an adult you know that teaching young kids to be gracious and generous is important? Being selfish comes naturally to humans - that's not something you need to teach.

If there are only two swings in a playground and it's obvious kids are waiting, we have a two minute rule. It's just good manners!

I have politely asked parents to wrap up their kid's turn when they've been on there 5+ minutes. Especially when the parents are chatting away to each other or on their phones and perhaps just not realising that others are waiting.

Queuing for a swing can feel pushy, but a number of times we've gone over to something else and been too far away to dash back when a swing becomes free and I can only expect my 3 y/o to be cool about missing out so many times before she's going to flip! So we queue. She practices patience, and it lets the people using the swing know that others are waiting.

I will also add that there is an awful child at my son’s school that has never been taught to share. There’s a play park just outside so all the kids go over straight after school for a play on it. Every single day he cries, whines, moans about someone not letting him have a go, having to wait, kids not playing the game he wants to play, always tatting to his parents. It’s insufferable! You can tell he was bought up with this mentality of I can have anything I want for as long as I want. I would much rather my child get off one minute before they are ‘ready’ than end up with an awful kid like that.

Also for the poster saying it’s the Montessori way of teaching - it most certainly is not! Montessori does not teach children to be selfish, it’s teaches respect for others and the things around them, learning to play in shared spaces with shared belongings. Whoever that poster is has read what she’s found and interpreted it to fit their own selfish attitude to try and justify the awful behaviour their children must display.

This

You could also have just politely said to the other parent "We've just got on so we'll be about 5 mins".

I think it’s good not to jump straight off the swing to show him he’s as important as other children. But you don’t need to stay on for 7 minutes to get that message home. You stayed on extra long to spite the mother, but you’re surely too old to spite people when children are involved. So YANBU to keep your grandson on the swing for a bit, YABU for taking so long. I get you want to teach your DGS self worth, but you don’t want to teach him he’s more important surely.

This

Speak for yourself. I was taught to share as a child. All the things you list are not the things you share to fit into society. It's road space, room at the bar, space in changing rooms and not parking on pavements that is the meaningful sharing.

The OP should have acknowledged the approaching Mum, told little Jimmy that he had another two minutes and then it was the other kids turn. Y'know, show a bit of humility.

But her daughter had been on less time than your grandson. You were being very rude and selfish, but your sort of attitude is everywhere these days so it doesn’t surprise me.

It took you 5-6 minutes to decide and over think this!?
Boy, I hope the other decisions in your life are less complex or you'll be paralysed.

That’s a good point. Most people give to charity and share stuff within the family. But for most part I guess adult sharing (with strangers) looks a bit different. Allowing cars into the traffic flow for example, stopping to allow some with a child to cross the road, offering someone older a seat on the train or offering to put their bag in the rack, saying can I help you. It’s sharing your time I suppose and very similar to common courtesy.