to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

Ask how he would feel about a man looking at his DD this way. I’ve seen grown ass men do this to my daughter since she was 13.

He's a disrespectful bellend.

You’re being sensitive. I don’t know about everyone else but I admire strangers all the time for various reasons, from little boys wearing a cool tshirt to old ladies with fantastic hair. I also admire young women with great figures sometimes too. It isn’t remotely sexual, it’s normal to enjoy looking at things that look good,

"Old man"?? He's 51 ffs 🙄

(although agree he shouldn't be doing this in front of his wife, disrespectful)

Oh wow! A whole load of assumptions here.

If I'm looking at someone's arse (tend not to as I'm more into face/arms/pecs) I most definitely am not thinking of having sex with them. In fact if I'm looking at an attractive man it's not sex I'm thinking of but an appreciation of their beauty. Pretty much like a work of art or one of those moody shots of a James Dean or a David Beckham (for want of a better example).

It's not all about sex and perving but yes, I may follow the moves of an attractive man, hopefully a bit more discreetly than OP's partner. I couldn't get too bothered if a partner looked at another woman, even if it was sex they were thinking of. What goes through their mind in that moment is a whole world away from what they realistically are interested in pursuing.

In a 20-year-old's eyes, he is an old man though.

I don't get all the drama about this.

The main bit I would have (major) issue with is him disregarding my feelings to the point he was openly ogling other women in front of me. However OP said he didn't realise he could be seen by her and she's never seen him do it before.

The other potential issue is the young woman herself but given she was leaving the cafe presumably he couldn't be seen by her either.

So it all sounds rather unfortunate that OP spotted her partner looking very unattractive eyeballing another woman.

It's pretty gross that she was possibly a teen last year but OP doesn't know that for sure and her DH definitely didn't know either.

I think we look longer at goodlooking people as simply put, it's nice to look at them but also surprising when you see someone in exceptionally great shape in real life. Her husband is into keeping in shape himself so there's an extra layer of appreciation for good physique as it's an acknowledgement of hard work.

I think you should drop this. He didn't mean for you or her to see him. It was hurtful for you (which is a natural reaction) but not intentional on his part.

I'm not up to date with the wording of wedding vows but I assume they still contain the words Forsaking all others, or similar, or a vow to respect and love your partner
In my world lusting after other women is not compatible with the promises of faithfulness and respect.

Of course people notice attractive women, or men, but that is totally different from eyeing them up. That implies assessing them as a potential sexual partner. If a married man , or one in a supposedly committed relationship eyes up other women of course he is being disloyal aand disrespectful to his wife or partner.

He is literally old enough to be her father. It is grim. As your son's 21, does this mean he'd be letching after any female friends of his? It's really gross. It's also gross that he's being so obvious about it that you'd notice. Not just as your husband, but any man you're with. It feel predatory and grim.

No.
I'm not sure that's true.
I'm not going to pretend that an average 51-year-old would have a chance with a women in her twenties.
A fit, handsome, successful, charismatic one, though, he may stand a chance.

I think it’s absolutely natural to look at someone you find attractive. I know Ive looked at really attractive men many times when I’ve been with my husband, and at my age, they are invariably much younger than me. Im not being disrespectful towards my husband, or thinking that anyone more than half my age would be remotely interested in me, but I can still appreciate someone I find attractive. It doesn’t bother me at all if my husband looks at other younger women - if I notice then I tell him jokingly that he’s being a pervy old git, and he says similar to me.

Are you seriously suggesting that anybody who is married cannot ever fantasise about another person even if the object of the fantasy is the same age as them and it's not leering but just fancying somebody on TV?

I think it's normal to notice attractive people. However turning around etc is disrespectful to you and the young lady in question. Given you haven't noticed this behaviour before it doesn't seem like a pattern and seems somewhat overreactive given he didn't talk to her or apparently make it known to her that he was checking her out.

Also it's just as creepy if he is 52 and looks decades younger, it's being in his fifties that makes it creepy, not his chances of success.

That's you.

For me, I am absolutely not imagining having sex with them, I'm just appreciating a beautiful man. I might notice a beautiful woman as well, in terms of body, not just face, and I'm as straight as a ruler.

I have learned to be discreet though. Back when I was a teenager I remember getting so distracted by a beautiful man I walked headfirst into a lamppost. Oops.

Ps: I'm assuming all the most beautiful men thread men are all within a suitable age range 😉

Well there have been threads about this before. About people who actually fantasise they are having sex with someone else whilst having sex with their partner.
I understand that some people can divorce sex and love and fantasies about having sex with other people is normal for them.

My personal view is if you are in a committed and loving relationship then fantasising about having sex with some one else is totally disrespectful and a betrayal.of the person you are supposed to love and care about. Tbh I see very little difference between fantasies about and wanting to have sex with some one else and actually physically doing it.

It’s impossible to stop people looking at who they want to look - especially men, who are notoriously vile in this department - but the following her around with his eyes is pretty grim, even worse considering he was with company. It’s pretty disrespectful, in fact.

With that much ego and that much training I’d be a bit wary too. He obviously wants validation.

The drama is that he’s openly behaving like a letch in public, which is embarrassing to his wife and highly likely to be creeping out the young women he’s doing it do. Anti-social behaviour is a problem even if you personally have normalised it.

Gross.

Its a no from me. By way of contrast, my DH and I are the same age as your DH and he told a work colleague also our age that ogling a 20 year old co-worker is not on.

Forsaking all others refers to not actually sleeping with anyone else. Eyeing up/fantasising about others (men in my case) is fine doesn't mean you don't love your spouse.
That's my take on my wedding vows anyway 😁

Im sure in 5yrs time hed love the thought of a 50+ man doing the same to his DD!
I went on a works night out, lots of younger women, I was early 40s. Standing at the bar I watched older men, my thought was late 50s letching over 20yr old beautiful woman and it really turned my stomach. It wasn't discrete, there were comments and (misogynistic) 'banter' which some of the women laughed off and others looked decidedly uncomfortable!
Im not saying people can't look/appreciate but nit if its blatant and is upsetting to someone(including DW!)

There's a massive, obvious difference 😂

Undisguised ogling is gross. A discreet look, even a continued one, is absolutely fine and normal.

Generally it's difficult to know from online posts whether any given situation is ogling or discreet looking - not difficult to know in real life though.

I generally bear in mind that a substantial amount of MN posters think that any sexual thoughts at all are "grim" and "vile" and "perverted".

Exactly this, male perspective here but I feel like it is a natural reaction to seeing someone you find attractive to want to look at them. Anyone who says they have never glanced at an attractive member of whichever sex they are attracted to isn't being honest.

However once the natural reaction has worn off and you are thinking you then look away, you don't turn round in a coffee shop to watch them leave, that is the element that crosses from natural to creep.

I would also say it is weird someone in their 50s finding a 20 odd year old that attractive. I am in my mid 30's and wouldn't look at any woman younger than around late 20s, they just wouldn't be someone that would catch my attention.

You are entitled to your own opinion. With the caveat of course that your spouse is also on board with this view point.