to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

Leeching over young women that could be the same age as your granddaughter is absolutely disgusting by any man obvious or not. It is grim and predatory and I hated it as a teen. Old knackered men ogling away - I wanted to kick them in the balls and gouge their eyes. Most girls will tell you to fuck off these days.

You would divorce your husband if he turned around and looked at a young woman in a revealing dress?

This!

How are you going to navigate where he looks whether it’s appropriate or not?

Definitely not normal.

20 is so so young. I'm not yet forty and I find it hard to tell 17yos apart from 21yos, they all look so baby faced. Recently in a restaurant, my dh and I laughed to each other that it was staffed by kids "oh wait, it's more that we're getting older".

When normal people get older their attraction healthily adjusts to people approximately their own age. So for example I find (some of) the school dads vaguely attractive, but not my dc's football coaches (I genuinely can't guess how old they are, just under 25)

That's not happening to your husband which in my view is a sign of an unhealthy lack of development. I guess you could call it the Leo Dicaprio syndrome.

I don't know what you mean by this.

Is it the ogling or the fact that he may find a young woman of 20 attractive? Both? Though the first implies the second.

If it's finding a man who doesn't ogle, yes she can do better.

My dh would not do this.
I do catch him occasionally looking at other women very discreetly (so what I look at other men discreetly too) but I rib him about it because we've got a long history that's based upon much, much more than who we find attractive.
Maybe the OP hasn't. That's the problem.

If it's a man who does not appreciate that 20-year-old women are attractive, well good luck to her on that.

Yes, it was inappropriate for him to extend his glance into a longer look, but screaming LTB over it is ridiculously peak MN nonsense.

Nonsense. What you’ve done here is seen the TikTok’s that men of all ages are attracted to 20year olds from a questionnaire. You have then made up why, and presented it as fact. You are welcome to think it’s biological and hard wired. I disagree, I think it’s entitlement, porn and a patriarchal society. It’s one thing to think they’re attractive, it is a totally different thing to stare for a long time as if you and they are a possibility. Also ‘about 20’ covers probably 16 through to 24. It’s grim. And, EVEN if it were a biological reality, how does that make it ok to perv ok a young woman. There is plenty of info out there that women hate it.

Make sure you bring his vanity back down to Earth with a bang.

'A 20 year would find you physically repulsive and would gag at the thought of being intimate with you. Stop being creepy and weird'.

Once you've levelled his self esteem, do keep a watch out because I would not trust this man. Sometimes character hints are subtle but they expose a much bigger picture.

Have you written this as if you think that because many men do it, it makes it alright?!? Strange if so. It makes every single one of them grim, entitled pervs. Women need to be single more!

This sounds like it came straight out of a 2000s Diet Coke advert.

It absolutely is not. It’s like the ‘he left the dishes by the sink’ thing. It’s about what him doing this means about who he is.

-If it's a man who does not appreciate that 20-year-old women are attractive, well good luck to her on that.

Yes, it doesn’t matter how much older women hate this, men find 20-year old women very attractive. It biological not some kind of sick perversion.

Of course that doesn’t give men the right to gawp and leer, but although I think the OP is reasonable, the fact that she implies it is unacceptable for her DH to find a 20-something attractive, but that an older woman would have been more ok, shows she doesn’t understand how male sexual attraction works.

You sound like a novelist from mills and boon was imagining what kind of movie your story was relating to 😀

Yes the predatory ogling, the fucking entitlement that he can stare at a young woman when he is several decades older than her, is really quite rancid. The kind of old man that does not care that he makes young women feel uncomfortable and judged would most certainly not be for me.

My dh never looks at young girls, he finds it repulsive and does not find them attractive as they are the same age as his own dc. So for him it would be an absolute no. I would feel the same about my dd's young male friends, no matter how handsome, I just do not see them in that way.

If my dh was leering over a woman/women, I would absolutely call it a day, mainly because I would stop trusting him, would question his character and it would give me the major ick. I would not stay with a man that did this, no chance. It is disrespectful, embarrassing and he is without a moral compass.

Making it obvious he was checking her out is entirely disrespectful.

The idea that men stop noticing attractive women once they reach some arbitrary age is nonsense though, I'm afraid. Making it obvious they're checking an attractive woman out is the red flag.

It’s more that he’s doing that in front of you OP! I’ve seen stunning women walk past before (and felt insecure) and my DH hasn’t even looked their way and I hope all DHs do the same in presence of their OHs!

YABU. They’re both adults. Looking at attractive people is natural instinct. Nothing wrong with that.

Being married or in a relationship doesn’t stop you fancying other people, nor should it.

It just means he finds 20-something women attractive, like all men do. The women was walking away so it’s not like his looking impacted her. He had what he thought was a sneaky look at a young attractive woman, and that no one would notice - unfortunately for him his DW did… This doesn’t make him an evil pervert.

@EnglishRose26

My dh never looks at young girls, he finds it repulsive and does not find them attractive…

Well obviously he tells you that given the rest of your post…. Why would he risk being honest about it?

If he's that obvious in a cafe when he's out with his wife, imagine how vile he is at the gym.