AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

Ltb

Sounds like my first, and very ex, husband. Whether or not one of your children 'adores' him this is not healthy for you or for them. Sounds like a massive walking on eggshells situation which will only get worse and if he can be like this on holiday wth is he like at home with the usual stresses of family life?

I'm afraid its not strange. He's just an arse. He sounds like a very truculent and controlling man child. I had 17 years of the same crap before my divorce.

He sounds awful, talking about being punched if it was a real game. Maybe in a gangland pool bar where there’s already beef and non sobriety. Certainly not an official match.
what a batshit thing to say. Why’s he being menacing to kids?

I really dislike him after your holiday too.

I've seen your other contributions on this thread, and I'd be far more concerned to have posted something someone like you agreed with. Clearly you and I are very different.

I bet you have a normal amount of emotion but someone told you you're very emotional didn't they?

I'd be more than emotional married to that di*k head.

Clearly! Nothing concerning about putting an alternative point of view to an extreme suggestion based on very little.

It is absolutely not ludicrous. My daughter had the same issues because of my exh! What experience are you making this statement from?

Tell those of us who have been through exactly that with exes and children that it is extreme. I can assure you it is not. My daughter in the end thought it was her job to placate him! Thats why we're divorced and she needed ongoing support! Whats your experience of this situation?

What deeply unpleasant behaviour.

Experience of sanity and somebody who doesn’t believe anybody can make an indepth psychological assessment on one post on the internet.

“If this is typical of him and your DS adores him, it's more akin to the unhealthy attachment to an abuser than the trust and respect for a loving father. Both your DC sound like they live waiting for the next time the axe falls and your sons 'adoration' is likely relief and highly elevated happiness that dad is choosing not to be awful right now. He pays for that with anxiety about when dad will be angry again and what that will mean for you all.
You should leave him for all your sakes.”

Said poster has zero evidence bar a one sided post on the internet with examples that don’t really warrant the hysteria. She has never spoken to the other partner or more importantly the child.

I'm confused, why are you and your children saying your husband is autistic? He isn't. He has not been tested for it because he refuses. You and your children are now using it as an excuse for his horrible behaviour. He does not act like that because he might be autistic, he acts like that because he is a mean spirited, angry, petty bully. Let me guess, you minimise yourself, and usually your reactions for him because you feel you have to. Your light is being diminished for a relationship with this pathetic sounding man. You cannot stay with him and be miserable because your son wants you to, your son is a child who obviously loves his dad, but he has no benchmark of what a normal, patient, loving dad would act like and this is all he know.

What a spiteful prick.

Having lived it, there are more than enough examples of unacceptable and damaging behaviour from the husband in the information given by OP to light enough red lights for a mile. So your views about 'in depth psychological assessment' can take a running jump as far as I'm concerned.

Life is too short to waste it with an unpleasant bully.

They're right, you're wrong and I can only guess at your reasons for encouraging women and kids to tiptoe around arsehole men while implying that they're somehow insane if they don't.

Agree with this, it's a well known phenomenon called trauma bonding.

This is where a parent-child relationship is shaped by cycles of parental abuse that causes the child to fear the parent. These moments are interspersed with periods where the parent is not abusive, so the child feels relief. This intermittent abusive/relief cycle is "intermittent reinforcement" - the most powerful way to train humans (and animals).

The consequence is that the child seems particularly devoted to the abusive parent but actually s/he is really insecurely attached and feeling hypervigilant and anxious.

OP, your son doesn't adore your H, he's afraid of him and - because he's a nice kid - he thinks that if he pleases him enough, your H won't be a shit to him.

This is a REALLY bad, destructive, soul-sapping message for a child to internalise.

You need to leave this man and be a strong and safe harbour for your kids, to compensate for their awful father. And both your kids need therapy to learn to deal with who their father is.

But sometimes that's the best way to pot the ball in order to get the cue ball to do what you want it to.

Yes- people like Botanicalf are why too much of this shitty behaviour is normalised. BS theory about psychological assessment instead of the glaringly obvious fact that it is: shitty behaviour. But hey, let's enable that with some claptrap from someone who obviously has zero first hand experience of just how damaging it can be.

Your husband is a dicked and his children can even tell. Asshole.

There really are not.

Kid was repeatedly told no and husband got snippy with a cashier in a challenging situation. Not great but who is perfect when parenting mid escalating challenging behaviour? Op and husband got separated in a busy airport through miscommunication re exact spot. Don’t know enough details like how long she’d been in there, why the husband was parked outside and why she didn’t text on exiting.Child snatched snooker cue out of parents hand and was pulled up in it.

Wtf. Are you a man ?

Wow now anybody disagreeing is a man! Okaaay

I think that for judging a long term relationship with two children, these examples are too petty and circumstantial for us to judge. How is he in normal day to day life? How is his relationship with each child?