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Original poster

AIBU to find a baby shower wish list a bit grabby?

234 replies

Handrearedmagpie · 31/08/2026 20:56

Friend having baby shower. I freely admit to liking baby showers, which previously have just been groups of female friends/family getting together for cakes, some wee games & a good catch up for the new mum before life gets busy.

However, friend has sent out invites for her baby shower (men included - fine, each to their own) but with an Amazon gift wish list included?!?!?! Like, aren't gifts meant to be given once baby is safely here?! Are we meant to provide good gifts (as opposed to a token baby shower gifts) twice?!

It's been a while since I've been to a baby shower as this friend is younger than me, so maybe I'm just out of date & "wish lists" are a thing? AIBU to think it's grabby??

OP posts:
Anarchy99 · 03/09/2026 10:45

YankSplaining · 02/09/2026 23:38

I’ve heard of some workplaces in the US having sort of mini-showers/parties at work before the MTB goes on maternity leave. Someone will email and say, “Hi, everyone – Emily’s baby is due on October 1, and Laura and I are organizing a little party in the break room over lunch on September 5. Come for cupcakes, punch and cookies! I thought it would be nice to put together a small gift basket for the baby, so if you’d like to contribute something, please give your gift to Laura or me by September 4 at the latest. No pressure! Hope to see you there!”

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Does no pressure mean no pressure though? Perhaps it does in the States. Here in the UK it would mean ‘if you don’t want to be involved we will judge you behind your back forever more’.

DressOrSkirt · 03/09/2026 12:13

RitaIncognita · 03/09/2026 02:36

Call it what you will, but in the US that is not a baby shower. A pamper party or whatever for the MTB, but the giving of baby gifts is what makes a baby shower a shower.

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We're not in the US so that's fine. We were showering her with love and attention!

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 03/09/2026 13:46

@Anarchy99 Exactly! It was so much nicer in the uk before baby showers were even heard about!

YourBlueShark · 04/09/2026 15:09

Anarchy99 · 03/09/2026 10:45

Does no pressure mean no pressure though? Perhaps it does in the States. Here in the UK it would mean ‘if you don’t want to be involved we will judge you behind your back forever more’.

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No clue. I've been working in corporate America for twenty years and this is truly the first I'm hearing of this.

pinck · 04/09/2026 17:48

DressOrSkirt · 03/09/2026 12:13

We're not in the US so that's fine. We were showering her with love and attention!

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Then come up with your own name for your tacky little vanity party where you don't bring gifts and make people pay for their own meals. “We showered her with love and attention” is a nauseating way of saying you threw a party for a pregnant mother and borrowed the name of a completely different event.

DressOrSkirt · 04/09/2026 18:19

pinck · 04/09/2026 17:48

Then come up with your own name for your tacky little vanity party where you don't bring gifts and make people pay for their own meals. “We showered her with love and attention” is a nauseating way of saying you threw a party for a pregnant mother and borrowed the name of a completely different event.

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What are you on about making people pay for their own meals? I said we paid for it. So what if we used the same name? You said it's only called a shower because the pregnant woman gets showered with gifts, but at this one the pregnant woman got showered with "love and attention" aka food and experiences.
Edit: just realised your not the same poster but my point still stands. And I don't know what it vain or tacky about surprising our pregnant friend with a lovely relaxing day!

beeble347 · 04/09/2026 19:08

DressOrSkirt · 04/09/2026 18:19

What are you on about making people pay for their own meals? I said we paid for it. So what if we used the same name? You said it's only called a shower because the pregnant woman gets showered with gifts, but at this one the pregnant woman got showered with "love and attention" aka food and experiences.
Edit: just realised your not the same poster but my point still stands. And I don't know what it vain or tacky about surprising our pregnant friend with a lovely relaxing day!

Edited
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That previous reply is honestly mad, your event sounds so sweet. I'm assuming no one was forced to attend?! Sounds like a lovely time

Daysgo · 04/09/2026 19:16

It's grabby, modern culture tbh. That's all. Why should you be essentially demanding that your friends and / or acquaintances pay for stuff for your child... Unpleasant tbh.

RitaIncognita · 04/09/2026 19:39

Daysgo · 04/09/2026 19:16

It's grabby, modern culture tbh. That's all. Why should you be essentially demanding that your friends and / or acquaintances pay for stuff for your child... Unpleasant tbh.

Well to quote the oft-remarked observation on MN that "it's an invitation, not a summons," I have been to more than 50 baby showers in my admittedly long life and not once was I forced. And since no self-respecting American MTB would host a shower for herself, she is not demanding anything. This thread has, however, made it very clear that the tradition has not made a happy journey across the pond.

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